FBO: 'Be In a Band'

The FBO Band is on a summer hiatus -- 98 degrees and no AC is never good for inspired rock -- but a couple members WILL be seeing Steely Dan playing Aja in its entirety at New York's Beacon Theater tonight. The last time I was there was February 1993. I moved from Oklahoma with a Keith Richards ticket for the Beacon and it's ended up being Keith's last-ever solo concert. For now anyway.

To pacify eager listeners, here's a demo version of a 'Be In a Band' to listen to. Feel free to vote on whether it should be scrapped, extended, or ended with a long guitar solo.



FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'This Happened'

FBO Member Robert Reid has been very busy lately, but managed an article in the New York Times today. It's on a bizarre, fun neighborhood in Bogota, Colombia, that had crackhouses as recently as five years ago -- now a couple dozen-plus restaurants and a very welcoming crew of locals and expats.

Meanwhile, Tall Tales plans to preview one song from their 2009 LP, tentatively titled 'By Mitch's Candles/Day Ranger,' at the August 14 show at the Deli in Norman.

Oh, did anyone know that the US had a Board on Geographic Names? Looking forward to more study on this, and why there are only five places in the country with apostrophes.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'When Is This Right?'

This image -- of a Belgian -- shows the mortal blow of a unicorn. It's from a 15th-century wall tapestry hanging at New York's fascinating Cloisters museum, part of the Met. It's sit on a hilltop at the very north of Manhattan, and missed by most visitors. The building itself is made from dissassembled/reassembled monasteries of Spain and France.

Medieval times!

Doesn't answer why you see a unicorn, and go kill it.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'When Monuments Tweet'

Stolen from Reidontravel.com:

This week the Statue of Liberty joined Twitter (@StatueLibrtyNP), peppering its 92 and increasing number of followers with slightly-less-than-fun facts about its crown, history and sold-out tours. (I go in early August – managing to get what I couldn’t for the recent Leonard Cohen concert in NYC: a ticket.)

When I heard about her joining, I did what we all did – immediately reached out to other monuments (the St Louis Arch, the Liberty Bell, the Taj Mahal) to see if they have accounts and I stumbled into a HIGHLY SECRETIVE Twitter mini-group of monuments and spied on the following conversation between some of the world’s great monuments.

Here's a portion of what was said:

@StatueLibrtyNP Hey, tours of my crown start this week – first time since NineLev.
@GoldenGateBr Sounds cool
@LibertyBell Awesome : )
@TulsaGoldnDrillr Not to echo the Bell but awesome
@StLouisArch Big deal. You have to climb stairs don’t you?
@StatueLibrtyNP That’s right.
@StLouisArch Get back to us when you don’t have to walk up.
@SearsTower What, you mean have something like your old cranky ‘2001’-type elevator thing? No thanks.
@StLouisArch Beg your pardon, it’s a TRAM. And it goes 4mph.
@TulsaGoldnDrillr Gee, I just lean on a derrick.
@LibertyBell Hey Sears, you have that glass floor thing now???
@SearsTower Yep, visitors get to stare down 103 floors below their feet. Can’t do that at KL’s Petronas.
@LibertyBell Hope it doesn’t crack. ; )
@StLouisArch Enough of that dumb crack. We need to start a new group for monuments that aren’t defective.
[enter @ArchesNP]
@ArchesNP Hey guys, what’s happening?
@StLouisArch Out!
@GoldenGateBr Yeah sorry ANP, but this group isn’t for natural monuments. @BigBend makes that mistake all the time.
@ArchesNP My bad.
[@ArchesNP exits]
[enter @EmpireStBldg]
@EmpireStBldg What’s up mofos?
@SearsTower Hey shortie.
@StLouisArch Emp, don't you think mofus is more accurate?
@EmpireStBldg Whatev. I see you haven't changed Archy.
[@StatueLibrtyNP exits]
@StLouisArch What lights are you today, Mr Project Runway?
@EmpireStBldg July 4th is tomorrow. Take a wild guess.
@SearsTower Green?
@EmpireStBldg I wish.
@GoldenGateBr Empire, what do you think about the Statue reopening?
[@TulsaGoldnDrillr exits]
@EmpireStBldg All for it. Anything to distract from that underachiever obs deck at @RockefellerCentr.
[@TourEiffel enters]
@TourEiffel Bonjour, j'ai besoin d'un conseil!
[@StLouisArch, @SearsTower @EmpireStBldg, @GoldenGateBr exits]
@LibertyBell Come again???!?

FBO: 'FB is not for FaceBook'

Facebook hates the Failed Bands of Oklahoma, as it proved a few days ago by trashing FBO Member #001's account without warning. 'Tall Tales' had a FB account there, where photos and videos and tidbits were shared with a number of followers. Then access was denied, and an email explained, that it was cancelled because 'Tall Tales' isn't a person.

The Gin Blossoms, a non-failed band, still have an active account with Facebook.

Tall Tales will try to start over the process with a new account as a 'band' -- apparently a loophole easily missed during sign up. But Facebook is not allowed to use the Failed Bands of Oklahoma site for two years.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

FBO: 'Lamenting Mortality of Post Cards'

Email. Twitter. Facebook. FAXES! Text messages. Skype calls.

All is fine and good. But it spells the death of the post card.

Not long ago, travel was about postcards. Shopping for bad ones shot by photographers in the '70s and repackaged in print throughout the '80s and Gin Blossoms-era '90s. We'd sit around on trains, in parks, on beaches, at hotel breakfast buffets WRITING, physically writing, post cards to let people know you are there, and they are not.

That's done.

At least we have the free Braum's e-card.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'In Melbourne'

The Failed Bands of Oklahoma are in Melbourne, Australia, to gauge prospects of a performance in Victoria. Melbourne is an interesting city. Taxi drivers have no idea where they're going, for one thing. Today a cab went the opposite direction of my destination -- refusing to use the GPS system to find a location he clearly had no idea where it was; 'it's my second day,' he explained. Finally had to exit, flag down another taxi, get his map and direct him -- practically block by block -- to reach a fairly well known neighborhood.

Last time here, I saw a dead kangaroo on the road to the airport.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Melbourne, Australia

FBO: Tall Tales to Play 2nd Show in 16 Years

TALL TALES, FBO Member #001, will perform - in concert - on August 14 at the Deli in Norman, Oklahoma. Bassist Mitch Newlin promised there 'will be a surprise.' It's not yet known if it will be a four-piece or five-piece version involving Robert E Reid.

Meanwhile, the first recordings of new Tall Tales songs are underway. One song is called 'Fingernail Biter.'

Dan Fallis explains, 'I put every ounce of my emotion into a two-minute song. I probably won't do that again.'

In other news, you can vote on one of the three (possibly) cutest photos of all time at ReidOnTravel.com.


FBO Admin Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Detroit Red Wings'

Not often you get snubbed by Stanley Cup athletes in an elevator. It's happened, to the FBO, in Pittsburgh.

Here on a brief fact-finding mission to West Pennsylvania, FBO happens to be sharing a hotel with Red Wings players, who arrived today -- along with beards and big red bags -- to a hotel on the Allegheny downtown. Two players approached our elevator, and we kept it open for them. 'No, it's OK. We got that one,' pointed to the next elevator.

We hope the Penguins win.

Meanwhile, Kenny Chesney played the Steelers football stadium on Saturday night, and a nearby sidewalk vendor -- standing with a cane -- was selling cowboy hats and Confederate flags. Asked if he normally sells the latter. "Not here, no."

This man was not invited to the Failed Bands of Oklahoma Panhandle show.


FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

FBO: 'Trying to Save San Diego'

More cross-blogging...

FBO member Robert Reid spoke with San Diego's FM 94.9 about how to save San Diego today (listen here) and released a director's-cut video-feed of the process.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Travel Meets Politics, Has a Drink'

Travel to some Tulsa hotels, clearly, overlap into the world of Drug Travel (see post below). Others clash into politics. FBO member Robert Reid discusses so on World Hum today.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Lends a Comforting Shoulder for Sam Patel's Tears'

Everything is good when this happens. Someone's been cooking up some meth -- an illegal drug -- in a $25 hotel room in Tulsa, the city found out, and wrote a letter to the hotel owner Sam Patel about it.

And Sam Patel is FURIOUS.

He's furious not about the druggies he checks into the hotel, or ignores the smells emanating from room 106 a few doors down from his office at all hours. He's furious about the city's 'TONE' in the letter.

The letter read:

"You must cease allowing drugs to be used, sold or possessed on the property."

Clearly the letter should have read:

"It'd be great if we could stop all that meth and heroin going on at your hotel, considering it's illegality and such. Up for meeting for a coffee to brainstorm on how to keep it out? Btw did you catch the Idol finale? Ruled! -xoxo"

Sam Patel, who has received four ordinance violations from the city now, may have to pay up to $500. He told the Tulsa World, "The city needs to send a better letter than this."

Sam Patel, the FBO is WITH YOU.


FBO Admin Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Talks about Robert Reid'

Robert Reid, an FBO participant and member, is now the Lonely Planet Travel Editor and spokesperson in the US. Some things about it are here.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Adopts Robert Reid'

The 'King of the Rebound' -- Robert Reid, who played for the Houston Rockets from 1977 to 1991 -- is in India (per a stunningly mistake-prone article) teaching Punjabis how the fundamentals of the ball game called basketball. In a sense, this is exactly what the Failed Bands of Oklahoma has been trying to do since January 2006.

Robert Reid, we adopt you.

Meanwhile, Magic Johnson acknowledges Robert Reid in unsubtle ways in 1981.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Failed Pakistani Band Invited to Panhandle Show'

Failed band in Pakistan, LAAL, is part of youth movement called "Responsible Citizens" to collect trash on the streets in Lahore. Apparently tired of the nation's apathy, the Taliban organizing and taking over lands, and of trash, the group meets to pick up trash in public areas.

We would like LAAL to come to the Panhandle Show to perform. We'll take care of the trash ourselves.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Panhandle Show News & Plan'

OCTOBER 29

A Halloween rock show at Tulsa's legendary Cains -- a stage that's hosted Bob Wills and the Sex Pistols' second-to-last show over the years -- may feature a five-piece-version Tall Tales this October, so the FBO is planning to stage the long-awaited Panhandle Show of Failed Bands around this time.

The show would include Tall Tales, Asylum, Soul Shaker, Cinder Biscuits, and we hope Rich Trott's Palace Family Steakhouse from San Francisco as well as Ancient Chinese Penis.

To expand the draw, the FBO is considering Failed Bands' Classes as part of the event. The idea was inspired after seeing an article about amateur guitarists combining travel in the English Lakes District with learning.

FBO Failed Bands' Workshops would include:

* Winner Bass Techniques, by Mitch Newlin
* Creating Bag-of-Lyrics, by David Cantrell
* Magic, by Danny Fallis
* Creating Your Own Studio, by Alan Hiserodt
* Dance, by Ty Kamm
* Guitar Sounds, by Gregg Dobbs


FBO Admin Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Failed Bands of Oklahoma Band Needs Singer'

We're open to technological advances, so begin the FAILED BANDS OF OKLAHOMA BAND: SINGER SEARCH with a vlog:




FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Pie Charts not Pies'

While working for Lonely Planet in London earlier this decade, I started up the LP Sandwich Club. A handful of willing folks and I would head out once weekly, usually within Clerkenwell, and go to a local restaurant and order sandwiches. The same sandwiches. We'd eat togtether, but keep our impressions to ourselves. Back at the office, we'd indivdually rank the sandwich, (1 for a baddie, 5 for top-shelf), then pool together our cumulative rankings, record the individual and group scores on an Excel document and forward the results, with a challenge!, to LP's Oakland office to do the same.

We sought to alleviate a little cubicle boredom and get some mid-day nourishment and, if lucky, mystify local business while doing it.

In today's New York Times, I see that Manhattan has its own (newer!) version with a Burger of the Month Club, who go to various restaurants, record rankings of 13 factors with ratings of +4 to -2. Members alternate choices, and pre-plan with the hopes of getting one of the year's best, thus advancing to a post-season tourney to determine the city's best burger spotter, and best burger. (Primehouse at Park Ave & 27th St has their best. I've particularly enjoyed Queen's Donovan's Pub in the past, which makes their top five.)

They seem a bit macho for my tastes, but I'm a believer in their tactics. I think travel -- or a lunch, Super Bowl party or group screenings of The Patriot -- deserves more than the ol' passive flow. Often introducing a theme -- one requiring acquisition of data!, which can be turned into flow charts!!, and comparative graphs (as can be done counting moustaches in Russia )!!! -- can give the experience a broader meaning.

So we applaud the Burger of the Month Club, even if they're website is down right now.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Partly Failed Bands Festival'

Is it possible to see the above photograph -- as appearing in yesterday's New York Times -- and not want to see the show? (No.) The article discusses 'one-offs' and 'shoulda-beens' of music history at the almost-failed band festival Ponderosa Stomp.

All participants are welcome to attend the Failed Bands of Oklahoma Panhandle Show, but not perform.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Travel Journals & YYYs'

Once the Gilder and Franc and Lira rolled into the euro, European travel became a lot less interesting. But there's always been shopping for stationary products. I love picking up locally made journals, oddly covered spirals and whatnot from shops when I travel. It's a key way I fill that space between meals on the road, and I liked having my journal itself linked with a part of my trip too. But it's becoming harder, I've noticed in recent years, as shops in Vladivostok, Plovdiv, Bogota and Danang seem to carry the same imports these days: imported Chinese cheapies with cartoon covers, or nicer -- but not too nice -- Italian ones.

Top 2 Notebook Purchases
My favorite notebook-procuring experience was a few years ago in Shumen, Bulgaria, where a snappy older woman insisted on the color of the of my belezhnik (notebook), a sickly yellow. When I returned two years later, alas, the store had become a trashy boutique selling neon purses.

Runner-up was in a walk-up stationary stand in Batambang, Cambodia, where I waited and waited behind a monk agonizing over which pen to get -- testing out several, then chatting a bit. It gave me plenty of time to consider my options, and the eventual winner: a tiny maroon one that read 'PP Book.'

In other news
The new Yeah Yeah Yeahs album It's Blitz! is excellent -- the 'deluxe' version has acoustic/orchestral versions of four songs, better than the 'full-on' ones on the regular album. The album also manages to make a statement in the postage-stamp space iTunes affords with its striking album cover of a hand-crushed egg.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY