FBO: 'Best Canadian Province Flags'

Very simply, no place on earth has better flags than Canada. The maple-leaf national flag is a master of simplicity and many of its provincial flags show stunningly daring designs. Here are the best of Canada's provincial flags: Newbrunswick, Newfoundland & Labrador (super two-fer sliced and pasted together), Nunavut (possibly the best flag of all time), Northwest Territories











































FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'World's Best Flags'

Uncle! The world has too many good ones. So many it can't be confined to a single list -- this highlights a few of the world's nations' best flags Next week we'll show off the best of US states and Canadian provinces.

**Coding simply doesn't allow these flags to fit flush left and right with neatly pla ced headers. Oh, I tried. So, the countries in order include:

Antarctica
Aruba
Bhutan
Bielorussia
Bosnia
Central Africa Republic
Greenland
Isle of Man
Japan
Libya
Midway
Mongolia
South Korea
St Pierre & Miquelon
Swaziland
UK
Uganda
Zambia

Thanks,

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

THE FLAGS:

FBO: 'World's Worst Flags'

FBO CREATES NEW FLAG FOR THE WORST OFFENDER:

RUSSIA
Some might think it returns to the flag of Czar glory days. Not so. The 1917 revolutionaries that took over power for the communists actually waved this flag, which was then replaced by a far superior red one with a gold hammer-and-sickle tucked into the corner. Couldn't Russia -- with its new beginnings -- spent 10 minutes to come up with something that wasn't a rip on Holland's, and using the same colors of all their old nemeses (US, UK, France)?

NEPAL
Many novice flag-watchers give props to Nepal's overrated, jagged flag with a couple designs stuffed into a five-shaped field of blue-trimmed red. The flag was adopted in 1962. The Nepalese can point to Hindu traditions for this, and that's fine, but it's just too cute for the FBO. The FBO believes flags, for a reason, should generally be rectangles. They fly better.


AUSTRALIA & NEW ZEALAND
Many former colonial nations were bugged enough over playing the supporting role to nations across the globe that they fashioned original flags. Australia and New Zealand couldn't be bothered. Both just 'put the Jack in the corner and some stars in the field.' (Australia's was actually the winner of a, apparently poorly publicized, worldwide competition.) We, at the FBO, are furious and very disappointed by the lack of originality and lack of self-initiative shown by both countries. It would appear, at first glance, that New Zealand said, 'hell, just take what Australia did... scrap a couple stars, and make the rest RED!' But their poor version is actually much older than Australia's. (The FBO calls for the winner of the Australia flag contest to return the winnings and the ribbon.)


UNITED STATES
Feng shui or just basic knee-jerk reaction frowns on this clashing mess of design. A bunch of stripes, then a star-filled box to the top left. We are used to seeing this, so don't really notice its sophomoric attempts, but it easily ranks as the most prevalently seen, worst-designed flag in the world. And it makes popcockery of the nation's name -- UNITED States of America. First of all the 13 stripes -- tributing the original colonies (and subsequently first states) -- has outworn its welcome. Are the subsequent 37 states any LESSER for not having been 'united' with the first 13? Also, why red, white and blue? You've just broken the shackles of the UK, why not set out your own color scheme?

The FBO recognizes the problem and is acting on it by designing the new, FBO-endorsed flag for the United States of America. In it, no state has extra, cuddled treatment. Colors represent the brown soil from which the new nation will grow, bounded by green to symbolize life (not money necessarily) that springs from the soil, and the gold '50 *' for each state.

Here is the new flag of the United States of America:






FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'TV News Watch'

FLAG WEEK TAKES ONE DAY OFF
Media coverage of the Virginia Tech tragedy yesterday has continually used untrue superlatives to add to the flash of their tickerwire and multi-screen images on TV. It may seem silly to poke apart this at such a time, but the widespread error has made the FBO pause.

For starters, a few definitions:

massacre -- the act or an instance of killing a large number of humans indiscriminately and cruelly.

rampage -- a course of violent, frenzied behavior or action

shooting -- a wounding or killing with a firearm

The Virginia Tech event was indeed a massacre, a rampage and a shooting. But it is not the 'deadliest' or 'worst' massacre or rampage or shooting in US history. Take two events involving minorities as victims:

--> In 1921, 39 black Tulsans were killed in a widespread attack of North Tulsa after an (erroneous) report of a sexual assault of a white woman by a black man. Ten thousand were left homeless in the clash started by scores of white Tulsans -- some attacks were by airplane! All as authorities watched -- and in fact may have aided -- locals. The lack of order allows this event to be called a 'rampage.'

--> In 1890, some 500 US military surrounded a few hundred Lakota Sioux -- this well after the 'Sioux Wars' had ceased. The Sioux were engaged in an unmilitarized 'Ghost Dance' when shooting broke out. At least 300 Sioux (nearly all unarmed, and including many women and children) were killed, and 25 soldiers by 'friendly fire.' This may not be a 'rampage,' but it's definitely a 'massacre' and a 'shooting.'

In lighter news, a truck carrying bunnies overturned on the highway between Budapest and Vienna yesterday, closing the highway as authorities tried to collect 5000 bunnies hopping on the four-lane road. The FBO may be alone, but didn't realize there was such a need for bunnies in Vienna these days.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Launches Flag Week'

Flag Day -- officially June 14 -- is coming early to the FBO this year, as visor-wearing college ballcoach Steve Spurrier has launched a controversy in South Carolina, where he coaches, by suggested the 'stars & bars' Confederate battle flag should not fly in the capitol grounds.

The FBO supports Steve Spurrier and feels the issue should never have been a problem. Our three-pack on the issue:

* The Confederate Flag symbolizes an anti-American army. Soldiers carrying it killed hundreds of thousands of soldiers carrying the US flag.

* After the war, such a flag should have been made illegal -- like the swastika in Germany -- and certainly never allowed a fly (in ANY form) on state or city government buildings.

* The FBO believes it should be OK to fly at battlefield sites, Confederate cemeteries, and on individual bumpers or front porches, but NOT at a government site.

Had President Johnson outlawed the flag in the summer of 1865, this would never have been an issue.

Over the next few days, the FBO will post the world's BEST flags and WORST flags, based on simple aesthetic choices behind flag design.


FBO Admin,
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'When Times are Tight, Multi-Task!'

POLYCHRONIES UNITE!

While looking for new failed bands to bring into FBO membership, the FBO also garners press coverage of the failed AND keeps a civic lookout on entertainment successes and misfires. That's multi-tasking at its very core.

As a service to its fans, the FBO has decided to adopt a 'multi-tasking' anthem to provide a soundtrack for its ongoing multi-pronged efforts: FUNKADELIC'S 'Good to Your Earhole' (1975).

Note its joyous chorus:

Put your hands together! Come on and stomp your feet!
Put your hands together! Come on and get in beat!
There's a good time waiting for you, come on and let's get free!

This is a lot like the FBO. A lot's happening at once here, notably that revelers are putting their hands together AND stomping their feet AND getting in beat. It's not just a time-passer, as their efforts are part of a long-term goal: having a 'good time.' Similarly, the FBO believes its fans and members will find their reward for ongoing efforts at the FBO Panhandle Performance, currently slated for October 2007.

The FBO-endorsed Funkadelic 'five pack' includes:

1. 'Good to Your Earhole' (FBO multi-task anthem)
2. 'Can You Get to That' (best song of all time)
3. 'Hit It and Quit It' (another multi-tasker)
4. 'Back in Our Minds' (mo-wah and do-wah and sho-wah and mo-wah rhyme)
5. 'You Can't Miss What You Can't Measure' (the verse starts with 'grief' but it sounds a lot like 'Maurice')


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Reversal: Connecticut is Banned for Life'

Following the narrow vote of 2-1 in favor of adopting Connecticut, several congratulatory emails were sent by FBO Admin to various offices in the 'Constitution State' -- to the tourist department, to the governor Jodi Rell.

No one replied.

The original announcement:

Last week the Failed Bands of Oklahoma had a vote to adopt the state of Connecticut -- two vote for adopting Connecticut, one against, and one for the muffins.

The reason Connecticut gained our interest is two things:

a) its nickname ('the Constitution State')
b) the fact that it's nickname is based on a failed document that pre-dates statehood by over 100 years

We wanted to congratulate the state of Connecticut, and ask if you have any comments for FBO readers?

The FBO has adopted other places, including the Oklahoma panhandle and Szekelyudvarhely, Romania.

Thanks,
FBO Admin

As a result, Connecticut is banned 'for life' and the following changes to the FBO Adopted Zones map have been made (see above).

Perhaps we should listen more closely to our hearts -- and to Terry Waska -- in future votes. Terry was alone in saying 'no' to Connecticut. And clearly he was right.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Delays Panhandle Concert'

Unfortunately, tweaks in scheduling of several participants -- including Eric Harmon of the Cant, Mitch Newlin of Tall Tales and Stacy Lane of Asylum -- requires that the May date for the 'Failed Bands of Oklahoma' concert in the Oklahoma Panhandle must be delayed. The new show is scheduled for October.

The show will also include:

* failed magicians
* failed DJs
* a failed cop

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Issues New Creed'

CLARIFYING TWO TYPES OF UNDERDOGS: APPROPRIATE & FALSE

Everyone likes to say they like underdogs, but it's just a lie. People only like underdogs who win -- so in the end, if you're honest about it, most people just like winners with an interesting story.

--> The Failed Bands of Oklahoma support the underdogs who lose.

In the future, the FBO will be searching out losing underdogs -- in sports, in entertainment, in warfare, in diplomacy -- who have not surprised anyone by upstaging expectations. Simultaneously the FBO will expose false underdogs.

An example of an appropriate underdog:

Facing a neighborhood demolition to make the way for a new business zone in Chonqing, China, one resident Wu Ping -- a 49-year-old woman -- said 'no.' Eventually the whole area but her house was razed (per the NY Times photograph above), until -- after two years of defiance against the overpowering Chinese authorities -- when her house too was knocked down last week.


An example of a false underdog:

The media massage of the 2007 Fiesta Bowl put undefeated Boise State as something of a high school team compared to the two-loss Oklahoma team that had backed into the game only after another -- Texas -- fell apart late in the season and lost two games to far inferior teams. After Boise State won, by one, the NCAA Football video game put the BS QB on the cover, and plans are in the works to make a MOVIE about the team!?! 'Underdog' fans played the part and cheered on a quarterback, who openly taunted the competition throughout the game and referred to his teammates as 'my guys' afterwards.

Unsuitable! This is not an appropriate underdog for those who 'like underdogs,' as the FBO do, to back.

We'll be on the lookout for a running list of 'Appropriate Underdogs' (as deemed by stoicism amidst failure) and 'False Underdogs' (aka, Unsuitable Underdogs; as deemed by success or poor behavior).

--> Feel free to submit your suggestions for this ongoing list.

Thank you,

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Bass Bi-Week Ends: The Way to Go'

THREE BASSISTS WHO DIED IN PERFORMANCE
No one wants our bass players to pass on, but if they're going to it might as well be performing.

We wouldn't have the half-Duran Duran-based POWER STATION without BERNARD EDWARDS, a co-songwriter of the '70s slap-bass-driven band Chic. Bernard, who also put the backbone into 'Like a Virgin,' died just after a Power Station performance in Tokyo in 1996. He was suffering from pneumonia and refused to stop touring. As FBO fan John Jessejames Whitaker (who lobbied hard for Bernard's inclusion in the FBO Bass Bank -- thanks for that) says, "Without Bernard, one could make the case that there would be NO SUCH THING AS RAP MUSIC. That bass line on 'Rapper's Delight' is all Bernard, sampled from [Chic's] 'Good Times.'"

MARK SANDMAN, the principal member (and song-writer and singer) of Morphine, played a two-string slide bass and headed the three-piece band with a baritone sax and drummer. In 1999, Mark died on stage at a festival outside Rome from a heart attack. A sample Sandman lyric: 'Early to bed and early to rise makes a man or woman miss out on the nightlife.' Doesn't exactly rhyme, but we get the idea.

Double-bassist FRENTISEK KOTZWARA, a Czech composer of sonatas, died during a different sort of performance -- dying from erotic asphyxiation in the company of an English prostitute. That was back in 1791. One of his hits was 'The Battle of Prague,' most numbers had a military theme.


--> Bernard, Mark & Frentisek, we just want to thank you


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

PS - There are many great and worthy bass players that didn't get tributed in the Bass Bank this time -- it will likely come back...

FBO: 'Bass Bank: Terry Waska'

Q&A WITH THE MAN WHO ONCE HAD A SKULL-SHAPED TAN LINE
It goes without saying that FBO's own bass players of the past -- including the great Mitch Newlin and Matt Babich – and we wanted to take a slot of our Bass Bi-Week to talk with FBO member, ex-Asylum bass player TERRY WASKA. It is well worth reading his tasty insights to the world of the bass.

FBO: Why bass?
TW: Like most bass players, I am actually a failed guitarist. In the early Asylum days we had 2 guitarists and no bass player, and they wanted me to make the switch. I angrily refused many times. Then one day I showed up for practice and there was a bass with a note on it sitting in front of my amp, and everyone turned and walked quietly out of the room, except for Stacy because he drew the short straw. I was so pissed I was ready to pack up and bail. But Dave drove me and it was a long walk home carrying my guitar and my Peavey Backstage amp. But then I discovered that I could take what little I knew on guitar and transfer it to bass and was better than a lot of bass players out there. Between stuff I picked up from Stacy and Steve Harris, I was able to keep it a little more interesting.

Some say the bass is the Canada to guitar's America -- thoughts?
I’m not sure that’s a sentence [now revised --ed]. However, Canada has free health care, and I (oddly enough) am a freelance pro-bono gynecologist. Feel free to make any “pro-bono” jokes here. Any female bloggers interested can submit a picture and other pertinent info for consideration. Someday I hope to be the Brazilian Waxer to the Stars. And yes, I treat Americans too. Does this make the roadie Mexico? Vive la Canada!

What irritates you about some bass players?
Hair metal bass players that held a single note thru an entire song and still nailed the hotties. And the bass players that stand in the back and you forget they’re there. I saw Judas Priest once and would completely forget they even had a bass player except for the occasional reflection I would catch off his pick guard. He just sat back in the dark, enjoying his anonymity. I think bass players should develop the reputation as the zany guy in the band. Singers are pretty boys, guitarists are pompous. Right now drummers are the zany guys and I blame Gonzo from the Muppets. The Muppet bass player was that blue jazz guy, which is kinda lame. If I was Jim Henson, I would have made the bass player the guy that was always getting Miss Piggy and Nurse Janet into a 3-way. And then there’s the bass players who are really good but waste their talents for a bigger check. Yes Robert Trujillo, I’m talking to you – Metallica is a waste of your talents. At least Buckethead had the good sense to leave Guns N Roses 2.0.

Can you write songs on bass? Have you?
A few songs have spun off from bass lines, but for the most part...no. Oh sure, people like Nikki Sixx have taken writing on the bass to another level. Motley Crue songs aren’t written – they are composed. The best way to write is to just jam until something sounds good. Then everyone has helped create the seed that the whole band sperminates, and eventually it festers into a beautiful tune. If I came up with something I liked and brought it to practice, I would probably want to control other peoples parts, and I’m not big on telling other people what to play. That’s what guitarists are for.

Does string-count, sticks or mic matter for girls most? How do bass players stack up against their bandmates in the labor del amore?
I did have a hot chick once tell me that she liked bass the best and asked if she could sit on my bass cabinet while I played a show. For the record, I didn’t get laid out of the deal. I’m sure the lead guitarist or singer did though. We bassists live vicariously through the penises of our band mates. Except for Gene Simmons, and if it wasn’t for the tongue he wouldn’t have gotten 1/2 of the girls he got.

BBPOAT -- best bass player of all time?
I’m not into the prodigy bass players like Billy Sheehan or Les Claypool because solos (all solos – guitar, bass, drums, xylophone, etc.) are pretentious and boring. I like bass players that can create tasty lines that fit into a song without following the root note of the guitar. I think some of the best bass players are the ones from some of the classic rock bands. Normally I would have said John Paul Jones from Led Zep, but after I saw his feathered hair and Seinfeld-esque pirate shirt he had at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame a couple of years ago, I’m left hero-less. Since I grew out of Iron Maiden (do we ever really grow out of Iron Maiden?) I have been more into the sound overall rather than a particular bass player. Of course, had I listened closer to certain bass players, my musical growth might not have stopped in 1992. So, just to answer the question, I’m going with the 2 stringed slide bass player from Morphine. The fact that he died in his prime helps in a mystical/morbid way.

Would Asylum have made it if there had been two bass players?
Well, we never did shit when we had 2 guitarists. I think if one bass player got us the success we did get, then more bass players would have exponentially magnified our success. This is the kind of math that the people who made Beanie Babies used when they put out their value guides. If only the Beanie Baby people would have managed us. Why is it that Jerry Garcia got a Beanie Baby, but we didn’t get one? Bullshit. Oh well. Cynthia Plaster Caster is coming out with the Asylum edition in her fall line later this year. For an extra $10 you can get it signed. I’ve always wanted to be immortalized in prosthetic genitalia. I’m sorry, what was the question?


--> Terry Waska, we just want to thank you.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

**From March 22 to April 5, FBO is celebrating the forgotten, overlooked, abused or under-utilized bass by noting a handful of bass players you should know about.**

FBO: 'Bass Bank: Mike Levine'

THE RAY MANZAREK OF BASS PLAYERS, WITH HOCKEY JERSEY

In terms of blindly exaggerated sense of self importance, eternally moustached Mike Levine of Triumph deserves a special place in the Failed Bands of Oklahoma Bass Bank. The Canadian three-piece doesn't well wear over time -- their songs seem firmly stuck in the hard/pop rock shlock of the the mid '80s; Rolling Stone once called them "mutant hoseheads," and the bands two original members Mike and drummer Gil Moore eventually wrestled control from the one member (golden-haired guitarist/vocalist Rik Emmett) who made their only memorable songs ("Lay it On the Line," "Magic Power" etc). Best off, Mike -- the only member who didn't sing lead -- likes to take credit for it all, a la Manzarek of the Doors.

Apparently Mike, who often wore a hockey jersey on stage, had been playing for six months with Gil in a "hootchie cootchie" band when he felt enough was enough. "I checked my bass at the door. I said I was leaving unless he wanted to do something special. I said, 'Gil, there is a market for a special kind of band and I think we could do something cool.' We found Rik and away we went." If only more failed bands had thought of that.

Mike also claims that he produced "anything that says Triumph on it" even though it was frequently credited to an actual producer. Mike also claims that he -- the bass player -- picked whether Gil or Rik would sing a song. "Rik would sing the softer or wimpier stuff and Gil would sing the tougher stuff."

One wonders if Levine was behind the decision, in 1984, to (originally) release the album "Thunder Seven" on CD only -- at a time when very few listeners had CD players.

Rik has claimed the reason he left was a "lack of trust" of Gil and Mike, who insisted on joint songwriting credits of his songs, including classical guitar compositions.

It's worth repeating. Triumph is not a very good band. Gil describes their sound as the "cross of the Who and Emerson, Lake and Palmer" -- this is NOT an area that anyone needs to travel in. When Rik left the band, Levine engineered bringing in a faceless guitarist from Aldo Nova to replace him, and let a new keyboard player sing Rik's songs. Sales suffered, to the point of nonexistence in the USA.

Presently Rik is in the studio recording and has invited Gil (not Mike) to help out.


--> Mike Levine, we just want to thank you.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

**From March 22 to April 5, FBO is celebrating the forgotten, overlooked, abused or under-utilized bass by noting a handful of bass players you should know about.**

FBO: 'Bass Bank: Steve P Harris'

THE MAN WHO PICKED HEAVY METAL OVER SOCCER

In the movie Wild One, Marlon Brando’s character is asked ‘what are you rebelling against?’ and he replies ‘what’ve you got?’ You can imagine a similar mode of thought going on in the mind of Steve Harris, London-born bass player for Iron Maiden. He turned down a try-out of his beloved soccer team West Ham at 14 (‘they want you in bed early and all that stuff,’ he says), chose bass over guitar, formed a band, named the band Iron Maiden (from a torture contraption he saw in a movie) and started writing all their songs. For subject matter, Steve is consistent – replicating the sound of machine guns, replaying the Charge of the Light Brade in the Crimean War under his galloping bass line that the guitarists follow (‘The Trooper’), telling both sides of the American Indian wars (‘Run to the Hills’), creating instrumentals to sound like Genghis Khan. His 13-minute ‘Rime of the Ancient Mariner’ may be the only ode to Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s 18th-century poem that takes longer to witness than reading the original.

Whatever anyone's 'got' that's supernatural, horrific or violent is up for grabs, Steve - like a wild one - will take them on.

What you may not know about Iron Maiden:

* Their first two albums (‘Iron Maiden’ – featuring the eponymous single on the eponymous album; we love that – and ‘Killers’) is more bar-chordy and rock’n’roll at times, with the lead singer Paul Di’Anno’s more Bon Scotty growl than the high-pitched wails of Bruce Dickinson. Paul left the band after ‘Killers’ in 1981 (for a solo career with highly questionable album covers). Steve was part of the reason. "It's like having Mussolini and Adolph Hitler run your band. Because it is [band manager] Rod Smallwood and Steve Harris and that's it. There can't be anyone else and my character is too strong for that so me an' Steve was always fighting".

* FBO Member Terry Waska is a huge fan (OK, you probably knew this). He explains why Steve Harris is one of his favorites: "Because he’s got that move where he puts his foot up on the monitor and points his bass at the audience like a gun. If only I had a cool move. I came up with one I called 'The Thermometer', but I think it kinda freaked people out."

--> Steve Harris, we just want to thank you.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY



**From March 22 to April 5, FBO is celebrating the forgotten, overlooked, abused or under-utilized bass by noting a handful of bass players you should know about.**

FBO: 'Bass Bank: John Deacon'

GREATEST OPENING LYRIC, GREATEST BASS RIFF -- WITH WIFE!?

You could have a sporting event without Queen's anthems -- 'We Will Rock You,' 'We Are the Champions' or 'We Want to Break Free' (with the prompter showing the band in drag) -- but it wouldn't be any fun. Either way, you couldn't have Queen without John Deacon, the bass player.

A man of mystery, John Deacon -- the last one most think of when they think of Queen, which is usually often -- wrote their biggest song, 'Another One Bites the Dust' built off a deceptively catchy but barebone-simple bass line. He's equally understated D-D-D-DDD-A line that anchors the remarkable song 'Under Pressure' (with David Bowie) is likely the music world's greatest bass riff.

Not gay (he has six kids and a wife), John deserves extra praise for the lyrics of 'Bites the Dust' -- which appears to be the gayest song ever recorded. It also features the best first word in a song lyric OF ALL TIME: 'Steve.'

'Steve walks warily down the street.'

Read and re-read that line. It is impossible to think of a way to describe motion that is more clunky and offers less aesthetically pleasing cadence than 'warily.' It's hard to say, much less sing.

For a guy most people don't notice, he created:

1) a supergroup's most successful single
2) the world's best bass riff
3) the world's best opening lyric
4) the most deliberately self-sabotaging lyric in terms of cadence and awkwardness

John originally played guitar then 'switched over.'

--> John Deacon, we just want to thank you.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY


**From March 22 to April 5, FBO is celebrating the forgotten, overlooked, abused or under-utilized bass by noting a handful of bass players you should know about.**

FBO: 'Bass Bank: Phil Chen'

THE KING OF DISCO (AND ALMOST A DOOR)

The creeping octave rise up the bass neck -- the backbone of disco. We all secretly love it and know that, in the end, the best one you've ever heard is on Rod Stewart's 'Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?' Who did it, you wonder? A JAMAICAN. A Jamaican of Chinese ethnicity named Mr Phil Chen.

Phil Chen has had a busy career working with people, including work with Bob Marley, Jeff Beck, Pete Townshend, Keith Richards and the Eurythmics. When the Jim-less Doors searched for their identity, and reformed in 1973 as the Butts Band, they brought in a bass player -- finally! -- and got Phil Chen. He says finding a groove is something that can't be learned; it just 'oozes out.' Chen says, 'It's like when you meet a girl and you have something intangible, you don't have to talk.'

--> Phil Chen, we just want to thank you.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

**From March 22 to April 5, FBO is celebrating the forgotten, overlooked, abused or under-utilized bass by noting a handful of bass players you should know about.**

FBO: 'Bass Bank: Paul Simonon'

A HERO FOR ALL BASS PLAYERS

Not one bass player out there -- be it Bootsy, Flea or Geddy -- doesn't envy the Clash's Paul Simonon for immortalizing the oft-forgotten role of the four-string plucker on the cover of one of the rock world's greatest albums London Calling. That the shot immortalizes the last seconds of a bass player's best bass (Simonon would regret not using the back-up) can be forgiven -- that a bass, and a bass player (even a faceless one) gets such focus is something the FBO heartedly backs.

Akin to an often bass tradition, Simonon was taught bass by a guitarist (Mick Jones of the Clash), but obviously went way beyond the 'put your finger there' type bass playing, as he put the reggae backbone to many Clash songs. He grew up as a football hooligan in Brixton, London (he'd later write and sing 'Guns of Brixton' on London Calling). That brash background, not to mention his looks (apparently Playgirl magazine once called him the 'hunkiest man'), certainly went a long way to help the Clash cause.

The cover shot -- photographed by Pennie Smith at a 1979 show in New York -- actually features Joe Strummer faintly in the back ground, but the focus is purely on the soon-to-die bass. Simonon later explained,"The show had gone quite well,but for me inside, it just wasn't working well, so I suppose I took it out on the bass." Simonon still has the pieces.

The only other album that FBO HQ can think of that so prominently features a lone member on a cover that's not a 'front man' or principal songwriter is the Rolling Stones' Get Your Ya-Ya's Out, with drummer Charlie Watts jumping with guitars in hand and a drum-toting mule behind him. Both album covers in question easily rank in the Top 20 best covers of all time.

--> Paul Simonon, we just want to thank you.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY


**From March 22 to April 5, FBO is celebrating the forgotten, overlooked, abused or under-utilized bass by noting a handful of bass players you should know about.**

FBO: 'Launched! Two Weeks of the Bass'

Watching the Shins on Saturday Night Live recently, FBO Admin found it charming how disproportionately 'into' the fairly unimpactful rhythms the bass player was. Bending his knees on the quarter notes -- like Blondie's bass player used to do -- but with a bit more intensity, he was the only one moving onstage. The songs -- fairly whiny testaments to discontent -- are enwrapped in the lead singer, certainly not the bmm-bmm-baa-bmmm bass patterns. We applaud this man.

Often in indie rock -- aka college-grad white rock with no hopes of the Top 40 -- we see the bass as the most mistreated instrument. Bass players are often last-second additions, people who've never played before, content to just hit the half notes that the guitar player points out on the fretboard. In recent years, some indie bands -- White Stripes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, the Kills, Black Keys, many others -- have paid the ultimate diss to our four-stringed friend: by not including it. A trend both disturbing and wrong.

This week FBO launches 'Two Weeks of the Bass' (beginning March 22 and lasting through April 5) which will include every other day an overview a bass player of our past worth knowing.

In other news, the FBO's adopted Trabant has been spotted at several places in a press-garnering trip to Bulgaria. Check back in a couple days for a couple real-live Trabant photos.


FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Sofia, Bulgaria

FBO: 'Finding Trabant'

In 2006, the FBO adopted the East German TRABANT, a car originally intended to be a motorcycle and made of a 'cardboard-like' substance that, on occasion, rats like to eat. On a recent press-garnering trip to Bulgaria, FBO Admin spotted many chugging alongside BMWs, VWs and Mercedes Benz cars on Sofia's streets. This one was parked:



Now back to Bass Bi-Week...

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Arcade Fire Takes America'

MONTREAL BAND WINS FBO'S CITIZEN-KANE AWARD*
The New York Times have devoted more column inches to the new Arcade Fire album Neon Bible than a handful of civil wars. Twice their Arts section has talked up the (mostly) Montrealian band, and once the NYT magazine covered the Fire. New York magazine and New Yorker, meanwhile, put positive words in, and the Rolling Stone of indie rock Pitchfork (www.pitchforkmedia.com) called it 'large enough to take on the whole world.'

It will be easy for many of us to dismiss it on these grounds alone, but it's actually worth the attention.

Much of the reviews, and talk, however, will discuss the one-line from the song 'Windowsill' -- where the lyrics weave around the line 'I don't want to live in my father's house no more,' until the slightly voice-raised substitution that we know is coming: 'I don't want to live in America no more.' (The lead vocalist is a Texan who moved to Canada.) The line is unfortunate. It's a far more obvious, more direct line than the Fire normally go far, something more fitting of a far lesser band -- say Nickleback or the Dixie Chicks. Still, it's easy to imagine doting crowds waiting and breathlessly poising themselves to cheer it, as Dylan fans once instantly erupted when the memorized lyrics -- 'even the president of the Untied States must sometimes stand naked!' -- came up in a 1974 live recording of 'It's Alright Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)' just after Richard Nixon's resignation.

The one-line bonanza of press is reminiscent of last year when the Rolling Stones got more press than a couple civil wars, a World Cup and a mudslide killing 260 people over their absolutely horrible song 'Sweet Neo Con,' which they thinly denied was about George W Bush. Everyone -- from CNN to Yahoo.com to USA Today -- took the bait and discussed the political diss. (No one bothered to note that the light reggae with made-up-lyrics-at-the-mic was one of the worst recorded songs in the past three decades.)

So don't get to uppity over the press love. That the AF is overhyped, and discussed for a rather sophomoric slip on an otherwise remarkable album, is not necessarily their fault. Go with tracks 1, 2 and 10 for a 'sampler.' Then download beyond as you like.

The Failed Bands of Oklahoma gives the Arcade Fire a four-fingered high five.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

* The Citizen-Kane Award is awarded to artistic output and travel destinations that meet their seemingly impossibly justified hype or acclaim. Italy, for example, has long earned its CKA for being a travel destination that constantly earns its stripes. The Arcade Fire win a tentative 'Citizen-Kane Award' for the next month.

FBO: 'Releases Adopted Zones Map'

FEELIN' FRISKY, FEELIN' CARTOGRAPHIC
It's hard to keep track of the geographical entities that the FBO is adopting. Hence, this: the newly created FBO Adopted Zones Map. We'll update it here from time to time, but feel to print out and update on your own as new places are adopted in the months to come.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY