FBO: 'In Anguish, Postpones FBO Panhandle Concert; In Hope, FBO Publicity Tour Kicks Off'

Due to a variety of reasons -- including lack of commitments from FBO's Top Fan as well as all FBO members -- the Panhandle Concert (previously scheduled for this October) has been postponed. 'The possibility of a panhandle show seems a bit diminished,' said Robert Reid Wednesday at a multi-tasking conference that also announced the start of a 'publicity tour' of the FBO in the Socialist Democratic Republic of Vietnam.

FBO will be touting its efforts -- and trying to garner press coverage for failed bands -- beginning in Hanoi on Friday, and then around the country.

Check back here for updates from the Vietnam tour.

FBO Admin/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Keith Richards' Performance'

How hard is it to make a good pirate movie, one wonders? With reluctance and a sense of being schmazzled by a timeshare pusher, FBO Admin broke the FBO ban of sequels and remakes to 'take in' Keith Richards' acting stint in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End.

The movie, needlessly complex and needless near three hours in length, brought in side stories and curses and supernatural crews throughout the trilogy -- I couldn't be bothered to care when I didn't exactly follow a story line. (It would be a lot better if the pirates didn't constantly die and come back to life, or ride in ghost ships... Where's a movie about real pirates, we must still ask?) The reason we're here is to see a big-screen version of the 'yo ho ho' ride from Disney World, and to see Jack Sparrow: Johnny Depp's best character, even if it is in one of his worst movies.

Looming late in the film (like the inevitable Kurtz figure perhaps), Keith -- who plays 'Mr Teague' and the knife-throwing keeper of the 'code' -- finally appears to bring in the huge codex book to settle a pirate dispute, shows Johnny the shrunken head of his mother, strums an acoustic till he breaks a string as pirates seem to forget the code again. In a memorable line, he says to Depp (his son in the film), 'It's not about how to live forever, but how to live with yourself.' Or something. He didn't exaggerate expressions to make a point, or smirk at the irony of his inclusion. Actually he seemed natural on screen (far more so than Mick Jagger -- who never seems comfortable in his skin unless he sees the 100,000 sets of eyes watching him). Depp, apparently, called him 'two-take Keith' on set, as he got everything quick. In the end, we all wanted more Keith. And it's too bad they didn't figure out a way to get him in there more.

Ratings (out of five peg legs):

The movie: one peg leg
Johnny Depp: four peg legs
Keith Richards: four peg legs


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Soccer's Case for US Hearts?'

The UEFA Champions Cup played today in Athens, with a relatively unsatisfying 2-1 victory of AC Milan over Liverpool. The FBO, who noted the flaws of the World Cup coverage last year (see here), would like to comment:

--> YOU'RE WELCOME MLS
Last year the biggest loser of the 2006 World Cup was the USA's struggling MLS soccer league, who only piggybacked on the big event with a sparing ad or two. This year, following FBO's advice last year (July 11), the MLS ran ads during the Champions Cup halftime period. Good thinking, guys. Even if it's a year late.

--> WHY DO BAD GUYS/FANS ALWAYS WIN?
The FBO could get into trouble for this, but it's hard to refute that Italy, taken generally, may have the most racist soccer fans in the world. Who can forget the Nazi swastika signs and 'monkey' banners shown to opposing black players in recent years*? Hoping for a small sense of justice, the FBO rooted against Italy in the World Cup -- though Italy got a phantom penalty kick to beat Australia, and beat France on penalty kicks in the final to win. Similarly this year, AC Milan -- enveloped in a match-fixing scandal last year -- shook off a potential inelgibility in this year's Champion Cup to win it. We know the players aren't guilty (though should solve it; see *), but is there really any justice in sports?

--> WHO'S REFFING THIS THING?
AC Milan's first goal bounced off a shoulder -- generally considered 'hands.' In the final minutes, with Liverpool vainly trying to rally for an equalizing goal, the refs announced three minutes of stoppage time, then called the game -- after at least 60 seconds of bonus time stopped for injury, substitutions -- after only 2:45 played. Come again? At least a minute remains unplayed. One wonders if Liverpool would've cashed in if the legitimate time had played on.

The FBO remains a huge barracker of soccer/football as a sport, but it's sad that two of the biggest displays to woo American audiences have been blemished a bit. Maybe the MLS -- with Beckham around the corner -- will do the trick.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

* The Full-Proof FBO Plan to Stop Racist Fans: Want these displays to stop? It can be done in 20 minutes. Arsenal/France player Thierry Henry started an awareness campaign on this -- putting the burden on fellow fans -- which is nice and applaudable, but can never work. Let the players solve it. Any home game where racist displays or chants are evident, have the home team forfeit. Simple as that. That'll get the good fans ONTO the bad ones quickly. Games CANNOT and should never be played with displays like the one pictured above (at a game in Italy).

FBO: 'Seeks Fun at No Fun'

CAN YOU BREAK MUSIC?

The New York Times ventured to Brooklyn's noise-music No Fun Festival this weekend and peppered Monday readers with apt descriptions of the four days of electronic-induced feedback as 'resembling the roar of pummeling surf from an underwater perspective' and 'relentless hissing sludge.' FBO Admin, invited by FBO #2 Fan Tom C-- of Connecticut, attended the opening on Thursday and continues the report to Failed Bands of Oklahoma fans.

Sonic Youth's Kim Gordon, playing with the Boredoms' drummer Yoshimi, had by far the most conventional set -- three improvised songs, with odd chords and moaned vocals lines, even touching on MoJo R-- with 'this is the end my friend' at the end. The rest of it -- including the 40-minute screeching end of monotonous feedback by 'Pain Jerk', a guy who looked like the lead guitarist of Cinderella circa 1987 and who had a guy pointing to him onstage, occasionally flipping off the crowd with both hands -- was a little noiser.

What caught FBO's eye is the pumping middle fingers and 'devil signs' -- a la Ronnie James Dio -- that saluted the three-piece Hair Police, a band of questionable haircuts and displaced rage, with a Jack Black-bodied bass player furiously yelling repeated words with fist pumps at odds with the screeching, nearly formless music. What drives us to acknowledge the devil, or our heavy metal hearts, with something distorted or unexplainable happens? Anyway, it wasn't bad.

Earlier, Hive Mind + Damion Romero played a low, 20-minute buzz, their faces barely visible between long locks of black hair and two large devices that looked, afar, like a 1950s operators' switchboard. On occasion, the guy with the longer hair and a beard rocked his head backward and took long, well-deserved sips from a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon that set atop the device. That was good. Something to look at.

Outside, in a common area in the back, a seated woman -- a local in the gritty waterfront neighborhood with limited public transport --- asked 20-somethings (mostly) to get off the exit ramp ('stay off the ramp, honey'), and flirters and 'noise nerds' (to quote Kim Gordon) ate sausages, drank beer and flirted between sets by the basement CD/tape/record displays below. The ID checker up front noted Tom C-- and I were both part of the '68 club' (born in 1968), as he was. After the show, they ushered people to the van to get to the 'train.'

--> www.nofunfest.com



Reporting from Red Hook, our civic duty fulfilled.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Billy Squier Begins the Begin'

UNFORGETTABLE FIREPLACE

Whilst living in London, this American occasionally got a ribbing at how much better British pop and rock stands up against American pop and rock. If you think about it, they have a point -- many many many of the biggies in this world (Beatles, Stones, Zeppelin, Who, Clash, Duran Duran, Wings, Adam Ant) are from the northerly isles off France. The USA has Velvet Underground, Dylan, the Ramones and the Outfield, and not a whole lot more than can stack up with the legends of All Time.

In the post-punk '80s, we may recall, the great race for respectability and un-solo-ed anthems set out between Ireland's U2 and Georgia's REM, with it too close to call by the time REM went major and jumped from IRS records to Warner Brothers. Then it all fell apart. REM's last two decades -- basically anything since 'Document' other than a few non-singles from 'Green' and maybe 'Lost My Religion' or throw-away 'Me in Honey' -- ranks up with the Stones' last couple decades for longest span of time with the least-inspired music. REM joined the Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame this year, but they've flat-out sucked for a very very long time. U2 meanwhile has risen, with at least a single worth hearing every couple years.

Is the fight over?

No, says Billy Squier apparently. In yesterday's New York Times, the priceless story came out that fellow residents of the lux San Remo in Manhattan's Upper West Side are fighting over smoke rising from a handful of fireplaces in the building onto Bono's private terrace, where he and and his family occasionally drop water balloons -- Willis and Arnold-style -- onto sidewalk passerby way below.

Apparently fireplace-havers -- which include Billy Squier -- don't believe the smoke is entering Bono's living quarters. Bono does. The FBO is neutral on the fight here, but does have an issue with the New York Time writer who says Billy hasn't had a hit since 1984's 'Rock Me Tonight.' Who can forget the synth-spiked 'rocker' 'Don't Say You Love Me' from 1986, with the refrain 'don't say you love me, just say...HUHHHHH'?


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Non-Failed Band Records Album'

San Francisco's TENDER FEW -- featuring members of failed bands, including Robert Reid of Tall Tales, and Chip Dalby of Censored and TW-in-87 -- are busy finishing up a three-year project for a still-unnamed, dozen-tracked LP. FBO's 'Top Fan' -- Richard Jessejamese Trott -- previously played bass and Cars-like synth with the T-Few. The T-Few have considered playing the Oklahoma panhandle as part of a FBO performance. Be ready for the album, out this September.

See Rich Turgeon's drum-technician skills at www.tenderfew.com
Hear a song at www.myspace.com/tenderfew


FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- San Francisco, California

FBO: 'Celebrating Global Warming & the Beatles (III)'

This is the third installment of a three- or four-part series of the FBO ‘celebrating global warming’ by listening to the Beatles and Wings...

--> FOUR QUESTIONS

1) If you could have one Paul McCartney Beatles song, what would it be?
FBO believes many of Paul McCartney's songs are way overrated -- eg 'Let it Be' -- but enjoys several. If we at FBO HQ could have one, we'd go with 'Back in the USSR' -- about as subversive of a song that banged Paul ever dared. Borrowing (slightly dated already at the time) Beach Boys melodies -- and a Chuck Berry title ('Back in the USA') -- Paul puts it inexplicably in the Soviet bloc.

2) If you could have one Wings song, what would it be?
Guns'n'Roses already ruined 'Live and Let Die' -- not the best anyway -- and taking 'Band in the Run' would leave little Wings with very little. So FBO Admin goes, less damaging, with 'With a Little Luck.' In the FBO version, it'd be shortened to about three-and-a-half minutes, but keep the sissy synth all over it.

3) If you could have one John Lennon Beatles song, what would it be?
Here decisions are tougher. Many of the classics -- 'A Day in the Life,' 'In My Life,' even 'Come Together' -- are too firmly stuck in Beatlesness to be culled. Altruistically, FBO plucks the less-assuming 'I'm So Tired' from the so-called 'White Album.' It's 2:05 and goes from soft verses to explosive chorus in a Pixies-like flash.

4) If you could have one John Lennon solo song, what would it be?
'Mother' is the best -- a skeletal version of a song, with piano chords atop steady drums by Ringo and a little bass, is perfect for John's melodic 'I-I-I-I's and primal therapy that ends it (I might argue it's better than any Beatles song). But there's no way the song could be taken from him. Similarly songs like 'Cold Turkey' is too personal (he introduces the eight-minute version live: 'this song is about pain' and ends with minutes of screaming). Hokey, rousing 'Freeda People' -- from 'Mind Games' -- is tempting, but we'll go with 'Nobody Told Me There'd Be Days Like These, Strange Days Indeed, Most Peculiar Mama' -- it's not that good, and considering it didn't come out till after his death, taking it won't dent his solo career.



FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Hominy Indians World Champs of 1927'

A LITTLE BIT ABOUT OKLAHOMA FOOTBALL
This week author Sally Jenkins is releasing a new book called The Real All-Americans: The Team That Changed a Game, A People, A Nation -- about the Carlise Indian college, in Pennsylvania, where Jim Thorpe studied and all-Indian football teams regularly pummelled the top Ivy-league schools on the gridiron pitch of the day. This was surprising to many, as the players had no football experience and rarely broke 150 pounds. The team used reverses and misdirections and long passes to trick opponents. In a 1903 Harvard game, one player snuck the ball in an inside pocket of his jersey and raced undetected down the sideline. By 1912, the New York Times callled Carlisle 'the most perfect brand of football ever seen in America.'

Things changed by December 26, 1927 though. That year, the 'world champion' New York Giants visited Oklahoma and played the Hominy Indians -- a team led of players of various tribes, including the great John Levi, who Jim Thorpe called 'the best athlete' he'd ever seen. Playing in Pawhuska, Hominy won 13-7.

There was talk of the Indians moving to Tulsa and joining the NFL, but -- alas -- the Great Depression soon slowed down the football crazy of the '20s, and the team folded in 1932.

Carlisle never beat an NFL team. Only Hominy did.

Get a PDF of a 1967 Oklahoma Today article by Arthur Shoemaker on the Indians.

--> The FBO salutes the Hominy Indians


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ

FBO: 'Support for Theorem Rampant in Golden State'

THESE PEOPLE ARE LAME
You catch the Golden State game? FBO's theory that people do NOT necessarily like underdogs, but only underdogs who win, was backed up in a star-fangled furor last night, as non-North Californian stars poured into the likely win for Golden State over Dallas. Snoop Dogg -- who has cheered on USC and the Lakers in the past -- came upstate for court-side seats, as did Texan-born expats Owen Wilson and Woody Harrelson, plus SoCal's own Kate Hudson. Bandwagoning in sport has never seen such a shameless display.

The FBO is, nevertheless, happy about Golden State's series win over the NBA's best team of the regular season. But the FBO has always been a Golden State fan. Why?

--> Because Golden State is the only pro team not named for a city, state or region. It's named for a nickname.

This is worth noting. Can you imagine the NY Giants changing their name to the Empire State Cougars? The Steelers becoming the Keystone State Bulldogs? The KC Chiefs becoming the Show-Me State Riddlers?

The FBO also applauds Golden State for its baffling throw-back jersey -- the retro uniform emblazoned with 'The City' from the team's days in San Francisco. This is priceless for a variety of reasons -- the tenacity of San Francisco calling itself 'THE City' is super, not to mention a team named for a STATE nickname calling itself 'The CITY.' And, Golden State, we support you.

But we were supporting you when you were losing. Let's see how many stars are on your sideline if and when you're down 0-3 against Houston or Utah or Phoenix or San Antonio or Detroit and playing to avoid elimination... We, and the Temps, wish we could be there.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Best Canadian Province Flags'

Very simply, no place on earth has better flags than Canada. The maple-leaf national flag is a master of simplicity and many of its provincial flags show stunningly daring designs. Here are the best of Canada's provincial flags: Newbrunswick, Newfoundland & Labrador (super two-fer sliced and pasted together), Nunavut (possibly the best flag of all time), Northwest Territories











































FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'World's Best Flags'

Uncle! The world has too many good ones. So many it can't be confined to a single list -- this highlights a few of the world's nations' best flags Next week we'll show off the best of US states and Canadian provinces.

**Coding simply doesn't allow these flags to fit flush left and right with neatly pla ced headers. Oh, I tried. So, the countries in order include:

Antarctica
Aruba
Bhutan
Bielorussia
Bosnia
Central Africa Republic
Greenland
Isle of Man
Japan
Libya
Midway
Mongolia
South Korea
St Pierre & Miquelon
Swaziland
UK
Uganda
Zambia

Thanks,

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

THE FLAGS:

FBO: 'World's Worst Flags'

FBO CREATES NEW FLAG FOR THE WORST OFFENDER:

RUSSIA
Some might think it returns to the flag of Czar glory days. Not so. The 1917 revolutionaries that took over power for the communists actually waved this flag, which was then replaced by a far superior red one with a gold hammer-and-sickle tucked into the corner. Couldn't Russia -- with its new beginnings -- spent 10 minutes to come up with something that wasn't a rip on Holland's, and using the same colors of all their old nemeses (US, UK, France)?

NEPAL
Many novice flag-watchers give props to Nepal's overrated, jagged flag with a couple designs stuffed into a five-shaped field of blue-trimmed red. The flag was adopted in 1962. The Nepalese can point to Hindu traditions for this, and that's fine, but it's just too cute for the FBO. The FBO believes flags, for a reason, should generally be rectangles. They fly better.


AUSTRALIA & NEW ZEALAND
Many former colonial nations were bugged enough over playing the supporting role to nations across the globe that they fashioned original flags. Australia and New Zealand couldn't be bothered. Both just 'put the Jack in the corner and some stars in the field.' (Australia's was actually the winner of a, apparently poorly publicized, worldwide competition.) We, at the FBO, are furious and very disappointed by the lack of originality and lack of self-initiative shown by both countries. It would appear, at first glance, that New Zealand said, 'hell, just take what Australia did... scrap a couple stars, and make the rest RED!' But their poor version is actually much older than Australia's. (The FBO calls for the winner of the Australia flag contest to return the winnings and the ribbon.)


UNITED STATES
Feng shui or just basic knee-jerk reaction frowns on this clashing mess of design. A bunch of stripes, then a star-filled box to the top left. We are used to seeing this, so don't really notice its sophomoric attempts, but it easily ranks as the most prevalently seen, worst-designed flag in the world. And it makes popcockery of the nation's name -- UNITED States of America. First of all the 13 stripes -- tributing the original colonies (and subsequently first states) -- has outworn its welcome. Are the subsequent 37 states any LESSER for not having been 'united' with the first 13? Also, why red, white and blue? You've just broken the shackles of the UK, why not set out your own color scheme?

The FBO recognizes the problem and is acting on it by designing the new, FBO-endorsed flag for the United States of America. In it, no state has extra, cuddled treatment. Colors represent the brown soil from which the new nation will grow, bounded by green to symbolize life (not money necessarily) that springs from the soil, and the gold '50 *' for each state.

Here is the new flag of the United States of America:






FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'TV News Watch'

FLAG WEEK TAKES ONE DAY OFF
Media coverage of the Virginia Tech tragedy yesterday has continually used untrue superlatives to add to the flash of their tickerwire and multi-screen images on TV. It may seem silly to poke apart this at such a time, but the widespread error has made the FBO pause.

For starters, a few definitions:

massacre -- the act or an instance of killing a large number of humans indiscriminately and cruelly.

rampage -- a course of violent, frenzied behavior or action

shooting -- a wounding or killing with a firearm

The Virginia Tech event was indeed a massacre, a rampage and a shooting. But it is not the 'deadliest' or 'worst' massacre or rampage or shooting in US history. Take two events involving minorities as victims:

--> In 1921, 39 black Tulsans were killed in a widespread attack of North Tulsa after an (erroneous) report of a sexual assault of a white woman by a black man. Ten thousand were left homeless in the clash started by scores of white Tulsans -- some attacks were by airplane! All as authorities watched -- and in fact may have aided -- locals. The lack of order allows this event to be called a 'rampage.'

--> In 1890, some 500 US military surrounded a few hundred Lakota Sioux -- this well after the 'Sioux Wars' had ceased. The Sioux were engaged in an unmilitarized 'Ghost Dance' when shooting broke out. At least 300 Sioux (nearly all unarmed, and including many women and children) were killed, and 25 soldiers by 'friendly fire.' This may not be a 'rampage,' but it's definitely a 'massacre' and a 'shooting.'

In lighter news, a truck carrying bunnies overturned on the highway between Budapest and Vienna yesterday, closing the highway as authorities tried to collect 5000 bunnies hopping on the four-lane road. The FBO may be alone, but didn't realize there was such a need for bunnies in Vienna these days.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Launches Flag Week'

Flag Day -- officially June 14 -- is coming early to the FBO this year, as visor-wearing college ballcoach Steve Spurrier has launched a controversy in South Carolina, where he coaches, by suggested the 'stars & bars' Confederate battle flag should not fly in the capitol grounds.

The FBO supports Steve Spurrier and feels the issue should never have been a problem. Our three-pack on the issue:

* The Confederate Flag symbolizes an anti-American army. Soldiers carrying it killed hundreds of thousands of soldiers carrying the US flag.

* After the war, such a flag should have been made illegal -- like the swastika in Germany -- and certainly never allowed a fly (in ANY form) on state or city government buildings.

* The FBO believes it should be OK to fly at battlefield sites, Confederate cemeteries, and on individual bumpers or front porches, but NOT at a government site.

Had President Johnson outlawed the flag in the summer of 1865, this would never have been an issue.

Over the next few days, the FBO will post the world's BEST flags and WORST flags, based on simple aesthetic choices behind flag design.


FBO Admin,
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'When Times are Tight, Multi-Task!'

POLYCHRONIES UNITE!

While looking for new failed bands to bring into FBO membership, the FBO also garners press coverage of the failed AND keeps a civic lookout on entertainment successes and misfires. That's multi-tasking at its very core.

As a service to its fans, the FBO has decided to adopt a 'multi-tasking' anthem to provide a soundtrack for its ongoing multi-pronged efforts: FUNKADELIC'S 'Good to Your Earhole' (1975).

Note its joyous chorus:

Put your hands together! Come on and stomp your feet!
Put your hands together! Come on and get in beat!
There's a good time waiting for you, come on and let's get free!

This is a lot like the FBO. A lot's happening at once here, notably that revelers are putting their hands together AND stomping their feet AND getting in beat. It's not just a time-passer, as their efforts are part of a long-term goal: having a 'good time.' Similarly, the FBO believes its fans and members will find their reward for ongoing efforts at the FBO Panhandle Performance, currently slated for October 2007.

The FBO-endorsed Funkadelic 'five pack' includes:

1. 'Good to Your Earhole' (FBO multi-task anthem)
2. 'Can You Get to That' (best song of all time)
3. 'Hit It and Quit It' (another multi-tasker)
4. 'Back in Our Minds' (mo-wah and do-wah and sho-wah and mo-wah rhyme)
5. 'You Can't Miss What You Can't Measure' (the verse starts with 'grief' but it sounds a lot like 'Maurice')


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Reversal: Connecticut is Banned for Life'

Following the narrow vote of 2-1 in favor of adopting Connecticut, several congratulatory emails were sent by FBO Admin to various offices in the 'Constitution State' -- to the tourist department, to the governor Jodi Rell.

No one replied.

The original announcement:

Last week the Failed Bands of Oklahoma had a vote to adopt the state of Connecticut -- two vote for adopting Connecticut, one against, and one for the muffins.

The reason Connecticut gained our interest is two things:

a) its nickname ('the Constitution State')
b) the fact that it's nickname is based on a failed document that pre-dates statehood by over 100 years

We wanted to congratulate the state of Connecticut, and ask if you have any comments for FBO readers?

The FBO has adopted other places, including the Oklahoma panhandle and Szekelyudvarhely, Romania.

Thanks,
FBO Admin

As a result, Connecticut is banned 'for life' and the following changes to the FBO Adopted Zones map have been made (see above).

Perhaps we should listen more closely to our hearts -- and to Terry Waska -- in future votes. Terry was alone in saying 'no' to Connecticut. And clearly he was right.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Delays Panhandle Concert'

Unfortunately, tweaks in scheduling of several participants -- including Eric Harmon of the Cant, Mitch Newlin of Tall Tales and Stacy Lane of Asylum -- requires that the May date for the 'Failed Bands of Oklahoma' concert in the Oklahoma Panhandle must be delayed. The new show is scheduled for October.

The show will also include:

* failed magicians
* failed DJs
* a failed cop

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Issues New Creed'

CLARIFYING TWO TYPES OF UNDERDOGS: APPROPRIATE & FALSE

Everyone likes to say they like underdogs, but it's just a lie. People only like underdogs who win -- so in the end, if you're honest about it, most people just like winners with an interesting story.

--> The Failed Bands of Oklahoma support the underdogs who lose.

In the future, the FBO will be searching out losing underdogs -- in sports, in entertainment, in warfare, in diplomacy -- who have not surprised anyone by upstaging expectations. Simultaneously the FBO will expose false underdogs.

An example of an appropriate underdog:

Facing a neighborhood demolition to make the way for a new business zone in Chonqing, China, one resident Wu Ping -- a 49-year-old woman -- said 'no.' Eventually the whole area but her house was razed (per the NY Times photograph above), until -- after two years of defiance against the overpowering Chinese authorities -- when her house too was knocked down last week.


An example of a false underdog:

The media massage of the 2007 Fiesta Bowl put undefeated Boise State as something of a high school team compared to the two-loss Oklahoma team that had backed into the game only after another -- Texas -- fell apart late in the season and lost two games to far inferior teams. After Boise State won, by one, the NCAA Football video game put the BS QB on the cover, and plans are in the works to make a MOVIE about the team!?! 'Underdog' fans played the part and cheered on a quarterback, who openly taunted the competition throughout the game and referred to his teammates as 'my guys' afterwards.

Unsuitable! This is not an appropriate underdog for those who 'like underdogs,' as the FBO do, to back.

We'll be on the lookout for a running list of 'Appropriate Underdogs' (as deemed by stoicism amidst failure) and 'False Underdogs' (aka, Unsuitable Underdogs; as deemed by success or poor behavior).

--> Feel free to submit your suggestions for this ongoing list.

Thank you,

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Bass Bi-Week Ends: The Way to Go'

THREE BASSISTS WHO DIED IN PERFORMANCE
No one wants our bass players to pass on, but if they're going to it might as well be performing.

We wouldn't have the half-Duran Duran-based POWER STATION without BERNARD EDWARDS, a co-songwriter of the '70s slap-bass-driven band Chic. Bernard, who also put the backbone into 'Like a Virgin,' died just after a Power Station performance in Tokyo in 1996. He was suffering from pneumonia and refused to stop touring. As FBO fan John Jessejames Whitaker (who lobbied hard for Bernard's inclusion in the FBO Bass Bank -- thanks for that) says, "Without Bernard, one could make the case that there would be NO SUCH THING AS RAP MUSIC. That bass line on 'Rapper's Delight' is all Bernard, sampled from [Chic's] 'Good Times.'"

MARK SANDMAN, the principal member (and song-writer and singer) of Morphine, played a two-string slide bass and headed the three-piece band with a baritone sax and drummer. In 1999, Mark died on stage at a festival outside Rome from a heart attack. A sample Sandman lyric: 'Early to bed and early to rise makes a man or woman miss out on the nightlife.' Doesn't exactly rhyme, but we get the idea.

Double-bassist FRENTISEK KOTZWARA, a Czech composer of sonatas, died during a different sort of performance -- dying from erotic asphyxiation in the company of an English prostitute. That was back in 1791. One of his hits was 'The Battle of Prague,' most numbers had a military theme.


--> Bernard, Mark & Frentisek, we just want to thank you


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

PS - There are many great and worthy bass players that didn't get tributed in the Bass Bank this time -- it will likely come back...