FBO: 'Trying to Like REM Again: A Music Video Presentation'

HEAR & SEE THIS!
When the Failed Bands of Oklahoma launched 'Trying to Like REM Again: A Tri-Week Journey,' there was never any doubt that one of the best way to present the case was through music video. But the question was whether the music should be original or borrowed -- and if so from what period? After two weeks of consideration, the FBO believes the best way to consider REM is through a two-part time warp: using images taken from the era that REM made its mark (= sentimentality for us) PLUS a borrowed song/melody that would have been sentimental for THOSE performers of that era.

The video:



FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Sax Solo of the Week: True'

JUST WAIT UNTIL THE SAX COMES IN...
Some songs only earn their 99-cent worthiness for the sax solo. The Failed Bands of Oklahoma tribute the best.


New Romantics with aggressively side-parted haircuts, fringed flannel shirts or pastel suits, England's Spandau Ballet were named for Nazi war criminals' jerking bodies after being hanged in Spandau, a Berlin borough. The opening 'uhh huh huh uhh' back-ups of their biggest hit 'True' may very well be the sissiest moment of any of the 'English wimp bands' of the early MTV generation, as Ted Nugent called them.

The protagonist of the song -- which was written by the band's guitarist -- finds it hard to 'write the next line.' And, like Meatloaf's 'I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That'), what exactly IS 'true' is never really said. Most curiously, the singer is 'listening to Marvin (all night long)' and likens the Motown king (Marvin Gaye) to the 'sound of my soul.' That takes guts for a couple stiff musicians with money from England.

Actually there's little soul in a song like this. With overly careful guitar flicks striping the beats like wafts of air-conditioning over the already chilled. The song, however, does make a step forward as the sax comes in, peppering the beat with a patient, faintly Stonesy grace, backed with more unconvincing lite funk guitars and fake orchestration that may have had Lou Reed's 'Walk on the Wild Side' in mind.

The sax solo comes in at the three-minute mark.

Have a listen to FBO's Sax Solo of the Week: Spandau Ballet's award-winning 'True'

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Thoughts on Myanmar'

THE FBO'S 2004 VISIT TO MYANMAR & MYANMAR TODAY

It's tragic watching the peaceful demonstrations in Myanmar turn violent. Turning on CNN, you see diplomats half a world away with carefully worded speeches and carefully combed hairstyles declare 'support' for the peaceful protests. I'm sure that means very little to the locals, scores of which have likely died.

During the FBO visit in 2004, several people in the impoverished country run by a military dictatorship since 1962 spoke of hope. 'George Bush says he supports movements for peace -- if we protest he will come, like he did in Iraq,' one person said. That worried me then, and more so now. You wonder how many people are expecting US to invade in their behalf now that protests are on the streets of Yangon, Mandalay and Sitwe?

Politicians should be careful of the things they promise.

Though it won't happen, there would be more cause to go into Myanmar. Unlike Iraq, there is a democratic party in place, and perhaps 99% of the locals would welcome a new government. After similar demonstrations in 1988 led to a national election, the National League for Democracy won it hands-down. But the military never transferred power. One NLD leader Aung San Suu Ky has been under house arrest for approximately 16 of the past 19 years. A few years ago, they even moved the country to a remote town: a defensive stronghold in the mountains.

Some argue stricter economic sanctions could help. But they can't. The catch is China, who backs the military for economic purposes (Myanmar has oil) and recently blocked a UN measure to basically say 'hey Myanmar, the violence isn't good.'

Getting tough on China (or India and Russia -- both of which are friendly with the Myanmar generals) might be a start.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'The Delaware Trilogy (Part I)'

THE WHITE STRIPES AT WILMINGTON'S GRAND OPERA



In New York City, where FBO makes its semi-permanent HQ base, music fans expect to see whomever they want on any given night of the week. Everyone plays here, and many people go. If you try to get seats -- as FBO tried for Arcade Fire a couple months ago -- you're lucky to get bad seats (as the FBO was lucky enough to procure). If you line up at 3am, you don't get anywhere near the front row -- press, VIPs, band family already has those seats: wanting to see a show in the Big Apple, where Rolling Stones and New York Times tend to make their reviews.

When FBO Representative Robert Reid was invited to see the White Stripes first-ever Delaware show at a 1871 opera house -- far more compact than Tulsa's Old Brady, with painted ceilings, fussy parlors to drink beer and talk with the gray-haired staff in cranberry outfits -- we quickly signed up for the Delaware/FBO symposium. The theatre looks like the place Abraham Lincoln should've been shot. The worst seat is by far better than anything you can get in most venues. FBO got second-row center.

Delaware was clearly excited about The White Stripes -- six albums old, and still making the drum/guitar two-fer sound fresh and yet ever-linked to the better riffs of early Zeppelin and more distant blues. A bar across from the opera house, on downtown's Market Street, blared White Stripes songs on a sidewalk speaker, as a mix of lawyers, accountants and bearded hipsters drank Dogfish beer in a slightly too fancy bar. Outside, a guy tried to sell tickets for $200 (which he 'bought on eBay for $100 a piece') when the cops weren't looking. Twenty-something hipsters genuinely wondered of each other: 'are you excited?' No one in New York talks like that before a TV on the Radio show. Nearby two pudgy 43-year-old men walked briskly to the bar, both wearing identical, brand-new White Stripes concert t-shirts.

After the 105-minute set wrapped up, the crowd left -- with the retired volunteer staff smiling and wishing you a 'good night' -- and stuck around Market Street to talk about the show and 'go get a beer at The Exchange' nearby. An associate in Wilmington, Ms Jamie, said, 'You better get a photo. No one's ever out on Market Street at this time.'

Other photos from the first part of the FBO's symposium in north and east Delaware follow:














The FBO thanks northern and eastern Delaware -- as represented by Phil Bangle -- for the tickets, and the playful introductory evening to the Delaware/FBO symposium and exchange. The FBO hopes the positive energy of that evening will carry over to future projects merging to the two in the future.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Adopts Pet: Hanoi Turtle'

A crowd in Vietnam -- where the Failed Bands of Oklahoma are currently wrestling press coverage for failed bands -- either means a group of parents waiting for kids leaving school, or a fight. In Hanoi, there's a third option, if you see a crowd on the rim of Hoan Kiem Lake (Restored Sword Lake) in the center of town: someone's seen the six-foot-long turtle that many believe doesn't exist.

Hanoi's famed lake is based on a 15th-century legend of a massive turtle who first gave a sword to the (actual) nobleman/warrior Le Loi to fight off the Chinese, then after doing so successfully, Le Loi went boating in the lake with the sword, and the turtle came and snatched it back -- then disappeared in the murky depths never to be seen again. (When I hear of the tale, I always enjoy imagining the sound of the turtle snapping at the sword -- a non-threatening, but decisive, snap, re-claiming the sword that Le Loi may or may not have wanted to return...) One of the tiny islands on the lake is 'tortoise island' with a slightly leaning, picturesque tower built in rememberance of it. In 1993, plans were made to drain the lake until some protested to the government -- at a period when not many did; scuba divers searched for turtles and none were found. All this is fun and fine, but the catch is there really are VERY LARGE turtles in the lake. Or at least one. And if spotted, expect a large crowd will gather to look.

Walking by the lake today, I saw a huge crowd gathered on the lake's northern end. Looking in -- about the place where I saw a bloated dead rat floating amidst some garbage a couple weeks ago -- huge bubbles appeared. The suddenly, a head! The head of a massive turtle. The crowd 'oohed' as if spotting a dragon decapitating a llama, the turtle slowly moved toward the center of the lake -- occasionally showing its head again. I couldn't believe my luck. I telephoned a pal in Hanoi, Nam, who said 'What? I've never seen it in my life.'



Apparently sightings are rare. The following comes from a decade-old article that speculated that IF the turtle existed it would last much longer...

"This turtle is a fascinating phenomenon, probably the biggest soft-shell in the world and certainly the most endangered," said Peter Pritchard, a renowned turtle biologist. "People in Vietnam are treating it like the Loch Ness monster, but this is not a myth. People need to treat it like a biological thing — an endangered species."

But is the turtle related to the sword-biting legend, or just a passerby? Dr Ha Dinh Duc, supposedly Vietnam's leading 'turtle expert', believes it IS the turtle -- about 560 years old now. He said...

"Yes, that's right, the same turtle," said Duc, 56, a biology professor at Hanoi National University who has studied the Hoan Kiem turtles since 1991. "Some scientists don't believe a turtle could live this long, especially in a lake so small and with so many people around, but I think so."

The FBO believes in the turtle and formally adopts the turtle as FBO PET.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Hanoi, Vietnam

FBO: 'Eyes Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame, John Cougar'

Do the Ronettes really deserve to be in the Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame? This year, along with previously documented underachiever REM, the Ronettes angled into the Hall, largely on their puppet-body contribution to (allegedly) human-killing Phil Spector's 'wall of sound' sound. The songs are catchy -- the few that exist -- but they didn't do that much to make them. Do you applaud the players of Twister for the overlapping tangle that people get into based on the color the arrow points to?

The FBO will be, over the next two weeks, appointing new bands the FBO recommends for joining the Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame that have been snubbed so far.

FBO INDUCTEE NUMBER ONE: JOHN COUGAR MELLENCAMP

Can anyone listen to 'Pink Houses' and not like it? John Cougar -- often so mocked for his dumb swoop of hair in the mid '80s and carrying the vibe of someone that might have laughed too hard at a taking-a-dump-on-someone's-porch prank years before -- is actually something of the Real Bruce Springsteen. A working-class guy who has working-class roots and earned his slur with his Central Time Zone homeland. He helped found Farm Aid, still going, and has made jangly, duo-guitar rock'n'roll beginning at precisely the moment (1982 or so) that the Rolling Stones forgot how to. John has kept it up. You may smirk at the recent Ford Truck commerical -- 'this is our country' -- but you can't deny the hook, or that it SOUNDS LIKE JOHN. He has his own voice -- something hard to find -- and his own co-opted sound that has never sold out, tried fashionable tricks or swayed from his Indiana convictions. In his OK single 'Cherry Bomb' (which featured a bi-racial couple in the video), he lets his long-standing bandmates take a stab at a line in the last verse (can you imagine Billy Joel or Bob Seger do that?). The title 'Pink Houses' deserves credit. Here in Vietnam, you can't walk down a street without seeing a pink-fronted home, or go into a cheap motel with rose-pink walls. But in the USA, pink houses are hard to find. The man is MORE the poet than many so-called poets, and deserves, for 20 years of consistent rock'n'roll production, a nod into the Hall.

Is there anyone else who really plays Stones-inspired rock anymore? John's held the banner high.

--> Consider this:

John Cougar is not in the Hall, but BOB SEGER, ZZ Top, Jackson Brown (sacre bleu!), Santana, Jefferson Airplane and Billy Joel are.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Cat Ba Island, Vietnam

FBO: 'Pythons & Kajagoogoo in Hanoi's Outskirts'

IN its restless efforts to promote failed bands, FBO Admin accepted a recent invitation to attend a 'nightclub opening' in a far-flung district of Vietnam's capital, Hanoi, weaving on the back of a Quebecois photographer's bike which followed Vietnam's most famous 'python artist.' Mr Tong, a 40-something circus performer, wore a tight black shirt, black slacks and tan loafers -- he's been working with pythons for 16 years. 'It's the most important act of the circus,' he said at one traffic light, in English. 'Wait till you see the crowd go crazy tonight. I'm the big performer of the opening.' Thirty minutes later we pulled off a main road, and onto a new development's fringe, where -- reached by a red-lantern-lit sidewalk into a former field, was a booming outdoor courtyard packed with local families crouching at small plastic tables watching a 1-2-3 mix of performances. On stage was a guy wearing a 'Desperately Seeking Susan' jacket and untied fake Converse sneakers and sporting a Kajagoogoo hairstyle with bleached spikes, belting out vocals (and dance moves) to a pre-recording synth track. Some kids held their ears at the high notes.

We got ushered into the 'VIP room,' a FBO regularity. It was an open house to the side with a plain tiled floor, a few bamboo mats on the ground with a dad smoking a water pipe and some kids sitting around. In a corner was a simple bed, with a couple models applying more make-up before their dance peformance with a gay guy with fake red-leather pants with white fringe. Soon glasses of Hanoi Beer with giant block-chipped ice cubes floating in it were handed to us.

Mr Tong was getting ready. He had put on a leopard-skin headband, leopard-skin wrist bands, bicep bands stretched taut over his bulging muscle, and a single shoulder strap over his broad shoulders. I asked where the costume came from. 'This? I designed it,' he said. 'It's based on the Vietnamese legend of Tac San: a jungle man who saves a princess.' Is that something like Tarzan?, I asked, noting the similarity of the name. 'No, it's not Tarzan,' brushing the long tail of his full hockey-style mullet -- the only one I've seen in Vietnam. No sideburns in the way to stop his move.

A few minutes later Mr Tong jumped on stage to a 'Night at the Roxbury' soundtrack, clapping wildly. Out of a basket he pulled two giant pythons and wrapped them around him. Occasionally flexing, occasionally pointing to the audience Mick Jagger style, occasionally pulling unwilling and very frightened girls and boys -- maybe nine or ten years old -- out of the audience to drape pythons over their shoulders. Family members and other kids jumped up and down in their seats, clapping uncontrollably.

Mr Tong was a little more subdued after the performance. Wiping off sweat, he mentioned he'd been to New York before. 'I spent a week in Madison Square Garden with the Ringling Brothers,' he said. 'New York's great. It goes nonstop. I stayed up so late that month. Sometimes after 1am!!'

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Hanoi, Vietnam

FBO: 'FBO-Sponsored Blog Details Vietnam'

FBO Admin directs FBO traffic this week to this site, which follows FBO member Robert Reid's investigatory trip through north and central Vietnam.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Hanoi, Vietnam