FBO: 'Three Pack'

ONE: Connecticut Classic
Connecticut is in! By a slim, riveting 2-1-1 count (two for Connecticut, one against, one for muffins), Connecticut's open-vote has tipped toward adopting the enigmatically nicknamed 'Constitution State.' A digital letter will go to two or three sources in Connecticut later this week, with all responses posted on the FBO.

TWO: And the Bio/Remake Ban Continues
Anyone doubting the FBO's efforts to 'up the ante' in the entertainment field -- by asking for apologies for declining effort (the Rolling Stones), or the tendency to rehash familiar/recycled content in movies (Superman Returns and dozens more) -- need only look a the big awards of the Oscars the past two years:

This year:

Movie: 'The Departed' (a remake of the Hong Kong film 'Internal Affairs')
Actor: Forrest Whitaker, 'The Last King of Scotland' (bio of Uganda leader Idi Amin)
Actress: Helen Mirren, 'The Queen' (Queen Elizabeth bio)

Last year:

Movie: 'Crash' (no problem, other than it being not that good)
Actor: Philip Seymour Hoffman, 'Capote' (bio of Truman Capote)
Actress: Reece Whitherspoon, 'Cash' (played June Carter in bio of Johnny and June)

Five of six are based in performances of known figures or remakes of films.

THREE: Basketball is the Cricket of the USA
We all know how basketball games slip into foul-and-hope sloppy endings, where the last 40 seconds take 15 minutes and usually not with a favorable result for the hand-slapping team trying to gain a late lead. It's ugly, but it's not why basketball is flawed. And the sport is flawed.

Sports like hockey, baseball and basketball play games nearly daily -- so many in a season that it can be safely said that NO SINGLE GAME matters. Even in the playoffs, a team can be dull a couple games, but right themselves by the end of a five- or seven-game series. That's a problem.

But where basketball is worse, is that -- unlike hockey or baseball -- NO SCORE matters either. Enigmatically fans call for higher scoring games -- ?? -- and some rules have been adjusted for that. When no game or no score matters, it must leave the fans wonder about their involvement: sit and watch and buy Cokes. It's a beautiful game to see at times, particularly in person, but loses steam as no play really matters after 40 layups, nine dunks, 29 jumpers, and 21 free throws. Can you imagine hockey games that finish 52-38? Or soccer games wrapping up at 62-41? No one would ever yell 'gooooooooooooaaaaaaaallllllll' again.

The only thing harder to stomach is cricket -- with several days of matches -- but at least they get to carry funny sticks.

The FBO places all basketball leagues -- even youth leagues -- on probation for one week. Pick-up basketball is OK.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Necticut = Stitution'

IS IT MUFFINS FOR ALL OR NO ONE?
This week the FBO will enact an order regarding its relationship with Connecticut: either adopting the state or banning it for the life of the FBO. It needs your help to know which is the proper course of action.

In the extended PRESIDENT'S DAY WEEKEND, a curious holiday devoted to a single president (but never explained which), FBO Admin celebrated by a visit to 'upstate New York' and made a short, unexpected sojourn across Connecticut state lines. FBO Admin, a novice at Connecticut tourism, asked a few locals about its nickname and had a coffee at an original Connecticut Muffin, a bizarre chain with many New York City locations. No one knew why Connecticut was called the 'Constitution State' -- one suggested turbidly 'because of the founding fathers.'

Delaware was the first state to ratify the US Constitution (meaning, if you think of it, the country was initially 'the United State of America'). The USA's fifth state, Connecticut, did not author the constitution, nor did a Connecticut politician 'chip in.'

Based on selfless research at FBO HQ, it's been determined that Connecticut's nickname actually refers to a 1638 constitution -- more accurately, the 'Fundamental Orders of Connecticut' -- which has been replaced several times. Some claim it to be the 'first constitution' in North America, yet the original Orders (see link) never mention the word 'constitution.' Nevertheless, in 1959, when Connecticut -- the country's richest state -- found itself without a suitable nickname (an alternate remains 'nutmeg state'), they desperately grabbed at a FAILED DOCUMENT that pre-dated its history as a state by 140 years and named it for a word that it did NOT itself claim to be: a constitution.

--> Similar reasoning suggests that Italy is the 'birthplace of aviation,' as Leonardo de Vinci's failed attempts at flight in the 16th century (winged ornithopters) were later validated by successful flights by the likes of the Ohioan Wright Brothers in 1903...

The tenacity of Connecticut's move, however, is to be admired. And its nod to a noble failure is another thing we at the FBO hold dear. Still there are aspects -- a lack of any creativity, or insight, for example -- that makes us as FBO HQ pause.

To solve the problem, the FBO asks you to decide. A vote through this week is being held for failed-bands' fans to determine. Please vote for one of the following:

a) Connecticut should be banned from FBO events, and sent an explanatory note
b) Connecticut should be adopted by the FBO, and sent a note of congratulations

The option of no action is not in question. A note of some sort will be sent to Connecticut from the Failed Bands of Oklahoma.


Thank you,

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

PS -- FBO fan Thomas Caw of West Hartford will be exempt from any negative repercussions of the vote, and possibliy benefit from positive ones.