Sunday, August 24, 2008

FBO: 'Will Re-Stage Battle for Hutchens'


The Failed Bands of Oklahoma will re-stage the legendary Battle for Hutchens on its upcoming anniversary next May. The re-enactment will be faithful and not G-rated. Unlike so many displays of rifles and uniforms in a kid-friendly environment, the FBO re-enactment will replicate the truth: meaning simulated cut-off limbs, simulated decapitations from canon fire, and soldiers (of both the Continental and Federal armies) screaming actual obscenities.

Importantly, re-enactors will not 'break character,' as happens SO often at these re-enactments. If an observer has a question about historical implications of the Little Creek stand-off, don't ask a re-enactor: go look up it in your library.

The FBO recently underwent a field trip to the site to plot out where the battle took place. Unfortunately a gazebo and parking lot is located near the bulk of the battlefield, and a soccer field fills most of the rest.

See upcoming posts for more on this key tribute to history.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

Thursday, August 21, 2008

FBO: 'Vote on OKC Skyline'


Oklahoma City plans to build its tallest building. Considering, after so many years, Oklahoma City is also getting its first major sports franchise -- and is apparently flubbing the name choice with Thunder (probably will go with a teal color scheme too!) -- the FBO wants to get a head start on the building OKC needs to have. To avoid mistakes.

The FBO would like Oklahoma City to steal an already existing building and re-build it in OKC. We've narrowed it down to three options, which we leave up for the FBO Observers to vote on. The winning decision will be sent to Oklahoma City HQ.

Kuala Lampur's Petronas Towers is the world's tallest buildings, for the moment. Oklahoma City should built ONE of them. 'You've heard of the world's tallest buildings -- the Petronas Towers. Well, now there are THREE.' It would be a miniature version called the Oklahoma City Petrona Tower (no s), about 52 floors.

Yes yes yes! We've seen the 'Bird's Nest' in Beijing enough already. China's best building, including the Forbidden City, is Shanghai's Oriental Pearl Tower, which Oklahoma City could replicate, even if it means knocking down the Skirvin to do.

Tulsa is proud of its Williams Center, so steal it. The Williams in Oklahoma City would be called the Actual Williams. The Tulsa Williams is 52 stories, the Oklahoma City version would be 54.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

FBO: 'Confusion!'

The FBO remains confused by some things seen on its symposiotic journey across the Russian Far East. Namely, Petropavlovsk's Lenin Square, which features a banner reading 'Putin's Plan Will be Realized!' and an ice cream labelled 'CCCP' (USSR) and featuring the subliminal images of a Che Guevara.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

Monday, August 18, 2008

FBO: 'FBO Member Has NY Times Article'

It happened again. FBO Member Robert Reid had a little piece on Vladivostok, Russia in yesterday's New York Times.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

Friday, August 15, 2008

FBO: 'Defeating Smash'

What's with the Olympics' fascination with 'smash'? World records and opponents are repeatedly 'smashed' this time -- not any recent Olympics has a verb other than 'beat' or 'defeat' held a higher monopoly on word-play as 2008 Beijing. A quick Google search shows that, in addition to NBC's syrupy coverage, Reuters, the LA Times, China Post, VOA News, American Scientist (!), and even NPR has gotten into the act. Where did this come from?

Maybe it's France's fault. Apparently -- and no sources have been given -- the French relay swim team boasted they'd 'smash' the Americans, only to lose in a last-second reach.

--> The Failed Bands of Oklahoma bans the use of 'smash' in terms of athletic achievement for four months -- it's OK to smash cans though.

Meanwhile we're keeping an eye on overuse of 'crush,' long-ago hijacked by REM's awful-U2-ripoff song 'Orange Crush'.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Middlebury, Vermont

Thursday, August 07, 2008

FBO: 'Another Bout of Dean Reed'

Not enough people have watched the best video of all time.

Here it is again:

And a bit about 'The Red Elvis' documentary:

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

Sunday, August 03, 2008

FBO: 'Summer On Probation'

For decades, Tulsa's three-par course at LaFortune has been lighted during the worst time of year -- roughly Memorial Day to Labor Day, when it hurts to be outside. By the time the weather cools down -- late September and October -- lights are off, the night game's long gone.

Similarly, we pile our sweaty selves into all-day summer weekend concerts, like Roklahoma, where dizziness comes not from drugs or the distortion, but the mid-day heat.

Summer? A time of street fairs, festivals, air shows. Parades, concerts, crafts fairs. Why?

--> The FBO is standing up to summer, the most overrated season. In 2009, the FBO will launch a 'FBO street-fair/festival/concert series' in MID AUTUMN. Meanwhile, the FBO asks America to 'wake up.' And condemn summer's monopoly on year-round activities.

Think of the children at least.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

Friday, August 01, 2008

FBO: 'Acknowledges Dean Reed'

Coloradoan Dean Reed began his pop career(s) imitating Elvis -- simple, non-confrontational songs about young ladies and (his) broken hearts. Unlike most stars of his era, he bought into the '60s, big-time, becoming an out-spoken critic of the US and, eventually, an all-out Marxist known as the 'Red Elvis.'

This guy is classic. When his US career started to fade, he got huge in Chile with love songs re-recorded songs in Spanish, did live albums in Montevideo, did the soundtrack for 'Zorro', then moved to East Germany and re-recorded them in German, starred in East German cowboy films, then went on a cheerful trip in 1979 through a befuddled Soviet Union, including a 19-day tour of the BAM train line -- the less-heralded train trip that runs to the north of the Trans-Siberian (a few years later, Gorbachev blamed the 'stagnation' of the entire USSR economy solely on this train line to nowhere).

(The FBO's recent symposium to Russia included several trips along the BAM, including its terminus at Soviet Harbor.)

The following link, from a 1979 Soviet film on Dean Reed, is for 'This Train,' about the BAM. It should be noted regarding his lyric 'this train don't carry no white an black, every body ride it is treated just alike' that Dean Reed, a foreigner, would have had to pay foreign prices to be on it:

Song titles include: 'BAM,' 'American Rebel,' 'Wake Up America,' 'Love Your Brothers, Hate Your Enemies,' a politically incorrect 'Wounded Knee 73' (with 'Native American chanting). As well as the following, unbelievable version 'Give Peace a Chance.'


An album featuring a cover of the pop song 'If You Go Away' (If you go away/On this summer's day/Then you might as well take the sun away') featured a painting of Vladimir Lenin. He recorded songs of Bulgarian folk songs.

At 47, a few years after the BAM tour, he was found drowned in East Germany. Many believe it was murder. Tom Hanks does too -- he bought the rights for a Dean Reed film a couple years ago.

More information, and free MP3s, is available from the all-time-great website

The FBO acknowledges Dean Reed.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY