Monday, March 31, 2008

FBO: 'Clears Mark Knopfler'


A few weeks ago Mark Freuder Knopfler, who studied journalism and has a dinosaur named after him, was under consideration for a ban for spelling and pronunciation errors, and questionable use of headbands and shameless video tactics. The one-week investigation, part of the FBO's first and last Mark Knopfler Week, was prompted by FBO's Top Fan, and received much backlash from FBO observers.

The FBO has decided not to ban Mark because of the distance he keeps between himself and his works. In 2000, Mark told the New York Post his secrets for songwriting:

"I let the song be the boss. That's it. You treat a song like a person and do the right thing by it. Say, if a song didn't want any guitars on it, there wouldn't be any guitars, but if the song wants a concrete mixer, I'll give it that."

Perhaps, then, the blame regarding his errors is out of his hands? It is the songs -- 'Expresso Love,' the regrettable 'Walk of Life' -- that are to be blamed.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

Thursday, March 27, 2008

FBO: 'Releases Top 5 Pre-emptive Alternate Names for OKC NBA Team'


The NBA Seattle Supersonics are, in the words of ESPN, a 'step closer' to moving to Oklahoma City, following a successful visit to OKC by three owners and NBA commissioner David JJ Stern. If this should happen -- and the first major pro sports team finds its home in Oklahoma permanently -- the FBO is very worried about mistakes the organization may make regarding team name and team colors.

Clearly the name 'Sonics' can't survive the move. Oklahoma City is the HQ for the drive-in chain Sonic, and seeing their glub endorsements would make it feel like rooting for the OKC Target, the OKC Wal Ms or the OKC Braum's Machine. No.

While we've seen world-record stupidity in recent name swaps -- Washington Bullets (coolest NBA name and uniform, but violent) going to the Wizards (?), while the Washington Redskins (sounds good and historic, but is shockingly offensive) goes unchanged -- the FBO is making the pre-emptive move of making TEAM NAME SUGGESTIONS so as not to find our way with something dumb like the Oklahoma City Renegade.

Our top five.

Soccer leagues in Europe use the understated chic of 'FC' (football club) for a name, and no one in these United States has figured out that it's the new era of naming. Start it in the 405. It could be called Oklahoma City BC. Perhaps even have a silhouette of a diplodocus (plant-eating dinosaur) to tie in with BC.

Sounds tired? Not sure why. No professional team in these United States has gone for the most-fashionable pet of late. They have teeth, they look mean, and they're monsters of concessions. The jersey could look a bit like the Warriors' wonderful 'The City' jerseys but say 'B-Dog' (singular).

'We declare peace on you -- then we'll break you into pieces.' Could play 'Flight of Icarus' by Iron Maiden as they storm the court. The jersey would be sky blue and feature the Oklahoma state seal -- the peace shield shown on the flag (and SHOULD HAVE BEEN on the Oklahoma quarter). It is the best emblem in the world, why not use it?

You can SAY 'middle finger' in public, you just can't show it. Why not have a convention center full of fans yelling 'Meh-Dull Fin-Grrr, Meh-Dull Fin-Grrr'. The logo would be blurred out on uniforms and souvenir t-shirts.

Washington state -- where Seattle resides -- is named for George Washington, a president. The Wizards should clearly have used this name. Colors would stay green (cut the yellow) and have a silhouette of Geo Washington on the front. The slang nickname would be the 'greenbacks' and there would be the wink-wink suggestions that the team is named for 'dead presidents,' you know, money (other than the $100 bill and $10 bill).

Narrowly missing the top five: The Oklahoma City We Will Rock You.

Note: the FBO suspends its boycott of the NBA, put in place after the horrible suspension that knocked the Phoenix Suns out of the playoffs last year. The FBO by the way adopted the ABA before Will Ferrell did.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

FBO: 'Maybe an Apology?'

Last month the new Australian president -- no, we don't know his name either -- did something admirable. After being signed in to duty, he did something no Australianleader, or American leader, had thought to do before. He apologized for the country's treatment of its aboriginal people, which included the forced removal of many children from their families and moved into missions or put up for adoption. One observer said of the president's address regarding this 'stolen generation':

"Part of recovery is having some validation and some acknowledgement that it was bad and that it shouldn't have happened."

Good idea. The FBO believes the US should follow this example. Apologize, acknowledge. It's a small gesture, some might say meaningless, but notable in that no one has done it before.

What happens after that? The FBO has an idea: an 'African American museum' in our nation's capital. Often Americans criticize how the Russians are reticent to acknowledge the crimes from Stalin's gulags, in which untold millions perished. The same for Mao's legacy in China. But along DC's mall, you'll find no museum that tributes the vital and tricky history of black America. The country is 242 years old this July, slavery is older. Only a few years ago did the capital finally acknowledge -- through the diplomatic gesture of a museum -- the Native American history of the country. We have museums for far more recent histories, from space exploration to the Holocaust. One for black history is over due.

The FBO would like to lead the movement for a new museum in Washington, DC, for that. And architects should consider using black granite. We've lost count of how many buildings are made of white granite or marble or limestone in DC already.

And we want a free t-shirt when it opens.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

Monday, March 24, 2008






The Failed Bands of Oklahoma invites all bands, poets, artists, movie-makers and TV execs to join the FBO crusade: 'A CALL FOR TRANSPARENCY.' The FBO, and in particular its member Terry Waska, believes that no creation should hide its intention or desired effect.

We'll be watching the creative world -- the one outside the literal world, more specifically -- for a change in tone in the weeks to come.

By the way, the FBO have gotten some feedback on the 'fallen in love' blog template. The FBO has been planning to use the new template, but return to the gray-on-gray color scheme after last week's frenzied 'love fall' has faded a bit. We welcome your thoughts on colors.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

Friday, March 21, 2008

FBO: 'The FBO Is Falling In Love'

The Failed Bands of Oklahoma proudly presents the lead-off video/single 'The FBO Is Falling In Love' from its upcoming EP The Failed Bands of Oklahoma Will Play the Oklahoma Panhandle. The video was shot on location in the USSR, Russia and New York State.

It is the first wholly original FBO composition made by the FBO alone. Previously FBO Member #001 Tall Tales recorded a live EP as an 'FBO-induced project.'

--> Enjoy the video:

The FBO is also happy to debut a new 'fallen in love' look to the site as part of the video debut.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

FBO: 'The FBO Will Fall In Love in Two Days'

This 104-second video message, provided by the FBO, explains the reasoning behind its lyrical images, as well as the conceptual theme, in its forthcoming composition 'The FBO Is Falling In Love.' The video, including never-before-seen FBO footage, debuts on Friday.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

FBO: 'The FBO Will Fall In Love in Three Days'

Work is underway for the first-ever FBO merchandise. A tentative t-shirt design follows:

--> In other news, FBO member Robert Reid was interviewed by World Hum, an online travel magazine. The Creedence Clearwater Revival beard is long shaved.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

Monday, March 17, 2008

FBO: 'The FBO Will Fall In Love in Four Days'

The FBO continues our call for transparency in the realm of artful creations, including music and films and art, with this 75-second video explaining the images chosen -- purposefully -- by the FBO production team. The video of 'The FBO Is Falling In Love' will debut this Friday.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

Friday, March 14, 2008

FBO: 'Launching FBO Is Falling In Love Week, Next Week'

The FBO will debut an original composition theme for the Failed Bands of Oklahoma next Friday, March 21.

To kick-off the anticipation is the first of a three- or four-part series talking about the making of 'The FBO Is Falling In Love' with an explanation behind the chord progression chosen in the song.



Ever not gotten what you were supposed to get? Seen a movie than heard after ward that the apple in the frig, or the defecating eagles, were supposed to represent x, y or z? The FBO maintains its anxiety over the growing exclusivity many bands and artists and movie-makers employ, by keeping the creative process, marketing schemes, or The Point out of public eye. We, as observers, must decipher the clues to get a message -- eg, people with lots of money are prone to corruption. Why? Beginning with 'The FBO is Falling in Love', we make a call for increased transparency, and -- by example -- hope to lead pre-failed and successful bands and artists into a new realm, where the fans and observers are granted a more engaged, open and respectful relationship.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

Thursday, March 13, 2008

FBO: 'Updated Map of Adopted Zones'

The FBO HQ is so busy with activity that we've forgotten to post an updated FBO Adopted Zones map for the past six or seven months, to show the newest addition: East Delaware!

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

FBO: 'Foreshadowing & FBO'S First Triptych'


The doubled vertically arranged triptych, above, outlines the Failed Bands of Oklahoma's tentative plans to 'reach the panhandle' on July 14 and go to a to-be-adopted venue in Guymon, OK, and play a show. The show will tribute failed bands, and aim to entertain while garnering press coverage for failed bands.

The triptych is not an accidental gesture. The eighth annual TRIPTYCH FESTIVAL is scheduled this April in Glasgow.

In the festivals own words:
Triptych continues to highlight Tennent's Lager's allegiance to exceptional music, from grassroots agitation to international ardour, ­with an annual and unparalleled bill

Yes! Well said! While the FBO will be unable to attend this year's event in Glasgow, the FBO is happy to invite the Scotland-based festival to attend the FBO's panhandle show on July 14. A formal invitation will be sent.

Meanwhile, fans and observers, please let us know if you know the contact details for any of the following:

* failed magician
* failed comic
* failed watercolor artist
* failed circus performer (including clown)
* failed clarinetist
* failed MC

We need at least one of each of these groups to join us in Guymon.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

FBO: 'FBO Influences Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame'

In June 2007, the FBO attacked the Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame for picking inductees like Jackson Browne and non-rock artist Herb Albert and ignoring bands like Sonic Youth and, yes, John Cougar Mellencamp. Last night, quietly as possible, the Cleveland-based Hall of Fame inducted Mellencamp, along with Madonna, in a New York City ceremony.

Read the Cougar endorsement here .

It remains hard to imagine why REM got in on their first year of elgibility and Sonic Youth, or the Beastie Boys, have yet to.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

Monday, March 10, 2008

FBO: 'NYC Pub Co-Opts FBO Method'

Last Friday the reliable Yahoo News source posted a story of a 38-year-old Irish pub bartender Shaun Clancy in New York who is banning the song 'Danny Boy' all March. He claims it's the most 'overplayed' song of all time. 'It's more appropriate for a funeral than St Patrick's Day.'

We are happy that Mr Clancy has noted our efforts to ban/adopt past-time activities that are misrepresented and overexposed, or underexposed.

In Mr Clancy, we fully expect to find someone who would agree about the uniqueness of the Oklahoma panhandle, how we should all stop watching remakes and bio-pics, why central Iowan bands are to be admired, and that we all must strive to garner more press coverage for failed bands.

We accept Mr Clancy's endorsement and treat him as an honorary fan. Welcome!

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

Friday, March 07, 2008

FBO: 'Mark Knopfler Week (Part III)'

The Failed Bands of Oklahoma puts Mr Ano Nymous of Calgary -- who posted here on Monday -- on two-week probation. If another such incident occurs in this period, Mr Nymous will be immediately banned for two years.

The FBO hasn't made a decision regarding the potential ban of Britain's Mark Knopfler in the wake of this new crisis.

As far as the suggested 'Rich Trott ban' that Mr Nymous started, the FBO has created the following:

In other news, Kevin Proctor -- formerly of Tulsa, OK -- turns 40 today.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

FBO: 'Continues Mark Knopfler Week (Part II)'


Mark Knopfler's dyslexic tendencies regarding speech on Making Movies -- as referenced by Rich Trott on Monday –- is nothing compared to the tenacity shown in the band's 1985 record Brothers in Arms.

On this album, the most belligerently head-banded band in the world upped the ante in self-marketing shamelessness when they recruited Sting (a popular Brit singer in the US) to name-drop MTV for a skeptical American audience (and skeptical MTV) in 'Money For Nothing' -- which used pre-Schwab animation. It got worse for the follow-up single 'Walk of Life' -- a fake-Springsteen romp, complete with the same carnival keyboards that sickened the Boss' misunderstood 'Born in the USA' song from the year before, AND the British band even had the gall to sample 'funny', exclusively American, sports images to delight young, impressionable American audiences. No Arsenal/Manchester United footage, no rugby, no thrown cricket wickets.

Typically, the public bought it.

What's worse is the rhythm guitarist: barefoot and wearing a marmot-hammock-sized headband. 'It was the '80s' is no excuse. Please see the 1:50 to 1:52 mark of the video below, and also note how the first image of Mark Knopfler is putting on a head band to keep his last remaining hairs in check. Weird guys. Weird British guys.

Trott may be onto something here.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

Monday, March 03, 2008

FBO: 'Presents Mark Knopfler Week (Part I)'

Rich Trott -- FBO Top Fan, San Franciscan, and Palace Family Steakhouse front-man -- has suggested the FBO ban Mark Knopfler. We're looking into this and will post a decision by the end of Mark Knopfler Week, this Friday. But we must have your feedback:

--> Why or why not do you think Mark Knopfler should be banned?

Rich writes:

You need to ban Mark Knopfler for serial mispronunciation on the album Making Movies. He not only misspells espresso in the title, "Expresso Love" but he goes on to mispronounce the word the same way he misspells it. Adding insult to injury, Knopfler pronounces the trailing s in the French article of "Les Boys"! All I can ever think of when I listen to the record is, "Damn, why hasn't this clown been the recipient of a solid FBO ban yet?!"

Clearly Mark has some issues with Italians and French people (but apparently none with wearing headbands on stage).

A few other things to consider:

* Mark is left-handed but plays a right-handed guitar -- which may be why he tends to finger-pick his guitar
* He formed Dire Straits with his brother David Trott Knopfler
* He agreed to do the soundtrack for Princess Bride only if director Rob Rich Reiner put a hat from This is Spinal Tap somewhere in the film (it's in Fred Savage's room)
* His solo song 'Sailing to Philadelphia' is sung by James Taylor and is about the blokes behind the Mason-Dixon Line

Meanwhile, FBO member Robert Reid wrote about Naypyidaw -- that new capital of Burma highlighted last week here -- for Perceptive Travel online magazine.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

The FBO has made an official statement regarding the mass criticism over Rich Trott's comments, released an hour ago in the above post: