FBO: 'Keith Richards' Performance'

How hard is it to make a good pirate movie, one wonders? With reluctance and a sense of being schmazzled by a timeshare pusher, FBO Admin broke the FBO ban of sequels and remakes to 'take in' Keith Richards' acting stint in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End.

The movie, needlessly complex and needless near three hours in length, brought in side stories and curses and supernatural crews throughout the trilogy -- I couldn't be bothered to care when I didn't exactly follow a story line. (It would be a lot better if the pirates didn't constantly die and come back to life, or ride in ghost ships... Where's a movie about real pirates, we must still ask?) The reason we're here is to see a big-screen version of the 'yo ho ho' ride from Disney World, and to see Jack Sparrow: Johnny Depp's best character, even if it is in one of his worst movies.

Looming late in the film (like the inevitable Kurtz figure perhaps), Keith -- who plays 'Mr Teague' and the knife-throwing keeper of the 'code' -- finally appears to bring in the huge codex book to settle a pirate dispute, shows Johnny the shrunken head of his mother, strums an acoustic till he breaks a string as pirates seem to forget the code again. In a memorable line, he says to Depp (his son in the film), 'It's not about how to live forever, but how to live with yourself.' Or something. He didn't exaggerate expressions to make a point, or smirk at the irony of his inclusion. Actually he seemed natural on screen (far more so than Mick Jagger -- who never seems comfortable in his skin unless he sees the 100,000 sets of eyes watching him). Depp, apparently, called him 'two-take Keith' on set, as he got everything quick. In the end, we all wanted more Keith. And it's too bad they didn't figure out a way to get him in there more.

Ratings (out of five peg legs):

The movie: one peg leg
Johnny Depp: four peg legs
Keith Richards: four peg legs


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY