FBO: 'The Coldplay Bass Player (Pts 2 & 3)

CANCELLED

The FBO has learned that Guy Berryman, bass player of Coldplay, has a bit of a following, as seen from this ridiculous website. Hence, Berryman is unfit for further discussion in this forum.

--> Parts 2 and 3 of the previously planned three-part series have been cancelled.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'The Coldplay Bass Player (Pt 1 of 3)

The Failed Bands of Oklahoma holds a special affection for the overplaying bass player -- those who put a bit too much energy into the act of performing mere quarter notes normally used as the backbone for harmless mid-range pop songs, such as the entire Smithereens catalog. It's even better, in our view, when no one knows they exist.

On recent cultural symposia tours overseas, the FBO noticed something surprising: Coldplay actually has band members, including the Coldplay Bass Player (Guy Berryman). In a tender track, 'The Hardest Part,' with a video made that you're invited to laugh at -- it shows a 75-year-old woman dancing for a third-tier cable network -- Berryman's excess energy at the 2:45 mark stood out.

--> See it here:



The first couple Coldplay videos -- you remember 'Yellow' don't you?, 'The Scientist'? -- were distinctive for showing only the nice-but-you-still-kind-of-want-to-punch-him leader singer Christian Martin. No band members. So when they started making an appearance -- as if they really were party of the 'band' -- it felt strange.

The FBO bans Christian Martin from using this site for three weeks. And we urge all bands to show a more fair, representative breakdown of band members in their videos. Though a key player can break away to 'act' a part of the video -- as occurs in Quarterflash's 'Harden My Heart' or in Tommy Shaw songs from Styx's 'Kilroy Was Here' vehicle.

--> If you know of other bands who've made videos that need to be banned, please let us know.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'More Talk about the Election'

Oklahoma got a knock on the 'will you vote for a black man?' storyline this week, but it's worth noting how the US is way ahead of the supposedly more progressive places in Western Europe. The New York Times -- doggedly chasing the race issue -- followed up the story with a revealing knock on the south as a whole yesterday, then added a more fascinating comparison with Europe today.

I'm reminded of my days in a fraternity in college -- a not-altogether worthless experiment, I should add (impromptu football games any day of the week are hard to knock) -- and of one of the more embarrassing moments that sticks out from the experience: rush.

In my first year as a 'brother,' I sat out most of the goings-on of the next year's ugly 'rush' process, where incoming Freshman were judged by shoes, haircuts and sporting successes -- or likelihood of scoring at various functions. It was ugly, and I knew it.

Everyone admitted, though, that rush there was one incoming 18-year-old who clearly stood out above all the others. The sharpest, most engaging of the several hundred pouring through the doors -- no one doubted the fact. But our rush-team crew refused to even ask him back for the second phase of rush. He was black. Not sure whatever happened with him -- but our house sure could have used him.

You'd think when you're faced with such situations, you'd rise -- like Al Pacino's spout offs in the blind-guy movie against Ivy League hypocrits. I didn't. Perhaps because I was still a bit unsure of myself, having just joined a house of intimidating older guys who had hazed us all the previous year. But I did say things to friends in-house at the time. Too bad I didn't stand up and say more.

Here's for change.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Tall Tales Played a Show'

IT HAPPENED

FBO spoke with members of FBO #001 Tall Tales about their Saturday night show in Norman. Here's what was gleaned:

* Norman's Deli, while atmospheric, doesn't 'go for' sound checks, so the TTs rushed off with practice amps to have a two-song warmup at drummer Alan Hiserodt's business offices nearby (the music school).
* Alan, meanwhile, was supposedly suffering early on from a chili burrito of sorts.
* TTs played till nearly 1am.
* TTs threw in a surprise rendition of John Cash's 'Folsom Prison Blues' at one point -- spurred on by singer Danny Fallis (to give his windpipes a break).
* Some CDs of the TTs 'Pot Pie' record were given away.
* One song, 'Tables & Chairs,' began with drums.
* Several members of FBO's Soul Shaker were in attendance.

We're looking forward to hearing more about the FBO-induced performance, as well as posting any mp3s, videos or photos from the show.

If you were there, we'd like to hear about it.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'How Oklahoma is Perceived'

Oklahoma gets in the news for three things:

* football
* tornadoes
* embarrassing things like book burnings or elected officials saying 'gay people' are more of a threat to our country than terrorists (then getting re-elected)

Last Tuesday, the divide between red and blue votes was as wide as any place in the nation. This could be partly due to the fact that the Democrats didn't spend time/energy/money campaigning in Oklahoma. But the New York Times highlighted a few other reasons in a rather unflattring article Saturday.

It's probably worth reading.

[THIS POST EDITED, BASED ON POOR RESEARCH SKILLS BY FBO IN THIS CRUNCH PERIOD FOR NEW CONTENT.]

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Tall Tales Bracing for Livehouse, More Shows Possible'

Danny Fallis says of this Saturday's show:

"We are really excited to be playing for the first time in 14 years. I only wish that Rob Reid and his Rickenbacker were going to be joining us on stage Saturday night. The other members of the band and myself have been working overtime to try and make up for his absence. We look forward to being able to play with him in the future"

R Reid adds:

"There is always the FBO Panhandle Show!" (tenatively scheduled for May 2009)

Meanwhile, a Tall Tales video flashback with fake live footage, courtesy of Oklahoma's Jim Gibbons:



FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Bogota, Colomba

FBO: 'FBO Member #001 TALL TALES Takes Stage for First Time in 14 Years'

THERE MAY BE NUDITY
It's been 14 years since Tall Tales has pressed a distortion pedal, hit a tom drum, or skatted in a livehouse. No burned stuffed animals at nuclear-waste-awareness shows in Oklahoma towns with a population of 7000. No 9-string 12-string guitars plucked out of tune. No tripped Chip Dalbys over Stillwater monitors. No hand-out programs with interviews of bass player Mitch Newlin. No choreographed jumps on songs about whaling. No matching orange-plaid jackets. No fake country songs, no impromptu U2 covers. No mullets or moustaches. No 'Dry Paint.' No betwixt-song banter lasting as long or longer as the songs themselves. That changes this Saturday night.

Drummer Alan Hiserodt (not pictured) offered a few sneak previews of what may or may not happen:

* The hit single 'Station' now features a middle drum/Danny hip-hop break.
* The first song may involve trompe l'entendre (trick hearing).
* The final song could include male nudity.

Also, the show will not include songs from the following EP 'LIVE from a Place in Oklahoma' (2006), Tall Tales' most recent release:



The show is around 9pm at THE DELI, Saturday, November 8. Locust Avenue -- featured Todd Walker -- will open.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Bogota, Colombia

FBO: 'Yet Again Rush Creates Love'

VALENTINE ROCK
REM's barnburning tour across South America will likely be a hit, and a lot of fun for the three-piece with bad hair, but in no way will it compare with another gringo three-piece band's success down here: RUSH.

The top progressive rock band of all time, according to a recent FBO poll, pulled out peppy classics like 'By Tor & the Snow Dog' to delight over 100,000 mostly 20-year-olds in Rio for a triple-live album. If you don't believe that model-looking young women and men can't go ga-ga for Rush, watch this priceless video of 'YYZ':



I mean, really.

Today in a north Bogota hotel's breakfast area, FBO overheard a young Venezuelan/American couple -- maybe 21 or 22 -- chatting over eggs. The Venezuelan guy suddenly broke into this, copied into the FBO diaries in real time:

'In Canada there's this progressive rock band with an unreal drummer. Some drummers just sound like drum machines [simulating a 10-tom fill], but this band Rush's drummer is different. Neil Peart. I don't have any of their music on my iPod, but I have some songs from my old band like that I can play for you. Our drummer was like that too. It's amazing.

The Colorado blonde countered:

'Sounds cool.'

For REM, everybody hurts. But only Rush fosters young love, young international love.

Rush4ever.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Bogota, Colombia

* More evidence of how well Rush translates to the southern America:

FBO: 'REM Follows FBO (A Bit Late)'

BUT DID THEY PLAY 'FLOWERS OF GUATEMALA'?


REM is back in South America -- about 12 days behind the FBO -- and their overpriced show at Simon Bolivar Park didn't even make the local paper El Tiempo's arts section. It did make the news section though.

A pic on page one led to a page 16 story that pronounced 'REM se empapo de rock politco,' starting its news-related piece:

'With a dedication to Democratic candidate for president in the USA, Barack Obama, REM confirmed the tendency as a progressive and political group, during the concert last night in Bogota.'

Not very snappy -- my translation -- and certainly nothing new, but apparently Michael Stipe dedicated a so-so new song 'Man Sized Wreath' to Obama. This is potentially upsetting for some of the rich crowd here, who sometimes lean more towards the Republicans.

Or was it? According to www.REMHQ.com*, the Bogota show was 'the loudest crowd of the tour.' Loud in a good way.

Yesterday I bumped into a young lightly bearded reporter for channel 7 here interviewing a black man from Colombia's Caribbean coast about 'human rights' and got to talking with him about travel, perception of Colombia, and why he should use his press card to sneak us both into REM. I mentioned REM often puts politics into their shows, and with Colombia being a surprise issue in the last presidential debate, he could talk with him about it. 'I like what you're saying. Do you want to get lunch?,' he asked. I had an another appointment.

Surely channel 7 is snapping their fingers in disappointment now.

Meanwhile, the FBO appreciates REM's continued attempts to apologize for well over a decade of mediocre work. But they're still not invited to the Panhandle Show in Guymon, OK (tentatively scheduled for May 2009).


FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Bogota, Colombia

* Wonder why REM doesn't use www.REM.com? So do we. Apparently no one else does either.

FBO: 'Bobby Kimball in Bogota'

You thought last week's Toto reference was just for fun. So did we. But magic happens in Colombia, proven by this photo taken during the on-going cultural symposium exchange between the FBO and Bogota.

Let's recap: In the next week: REM, Judas Priest, Ratt's first-ever Colombia show (on Halloween no less), a three-day rock festival featuring South American metal, FBO-acknowledged Kylie Minogue AND Toto.


FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Bogota, Colombia

FBO: 'Colombians Are Nice & Happy (But Some Bite)'

The 70-year-old German who invited himself to sit with me at a orange-and-green restaurant near my guesthouse had bite marks on his finger, his arm and -- he indicated with a point -- his lower leg.

Bogota doesn't always have the best reputation for being a safe place. A couple years ago when I was here, a Juan Carlos (I met more than one) stopped a conversation mid-sentence in a central business office when a loud boom could be heard. 'Oh, you're lucky. It's a bomb!,' he said excitedly. Then after a moment, 'Oh, it was just a blown tire.' Outside a car driver stood by his stranded vehicle, hands on hips.

The German is travelling for half a year around South America, which I managed to understand despite his not being able to understand any English ('how are you?' 'I'm 70!' 'uh, no how are you? are you doing OK?' 'yes, I am 70'). Yesterday, his first day in Bogota, he went on a hike to a nearby mountain through one of the sketchiest areas of the city, and one everyone tells you to avoid. But the German went anyway and when two guys '50 years younger' than him approached he fought them off, and then they BIT him. Eventually he let go of 80 euro and a camera. On the way back, he got robbed again.

This is not the sort of experience I've had so far in this city of the world's third-happiest country. Sticking with busier areas with better reputations, Bogota to me has been a place that when you ender a grocery, museum or cafe, you're pretty much expected to give a smiling 'buenas dias' to whomever you see. People have been patient with my stumbling Spanish, laughing and urging me to continue. I met someone the other day who, when I mentioned I was interested in tejo (a traditional game involving throwing weights at gunpowder in warehouses with free entrance as long as you buy a 'box of beer' and use the urinal with a full view of the games), he immediately drove me -- past the red-light district, where locals and skimpily-clad woman exchanged words on street corners -- to a tejo place where a dignified group of gray hairs in suits stumbled out and warmly shook my hand. 'Ah, you like tejo too?'

--> Meanwhile, the FBO looks forward to seeing the next bit at either the Judas Priest show Nov 2, the first-ever Ratt concert in Colombia next week, or the three-day Rock al Parque (with many South American rock bands) at Plaza Bolivar next weekend.


FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Bogota, Colombia

FBO: 'This is that Man'

EVERYONE LOSES THE TRIVA CONTEST

No one figured out that...



...is...



That's right! Bobby Kimball, the still-going lead singer of seminal pop/rock-with-southern-hemisphere-themed-singles band TOTO.

No one gets a free ticket to the Nov 8 Tall Tales show; a handshake is on the house though.

FBO Admin
Semi-Permanent HQ -- Bogota, Colombia

FBO: 'Trivia: Who is this Man?'

Trivia: Whoever names this man first gets one free ticket to the Nov 8 Tall Tales show -- and a handshake.

Hint: He will be invited.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'News! Tall Tales to Play Norman'

NEWS IS LIKE MAGIC


November 8, 2008
The Deli, Norman
TALL TALES
w/ Locust Avenue
& The Toothman (featuring FBO's Eric Harmon)

In a sneak preview of Panhandle Show possibilities, FBO Member #001 Tall Tales returns to the actual Oklahoma stage -- an FBO-induced 'live' EP included a fake audience -- a mere 14 years since the last performance. The show may include a 'live feed' of exile member Robert Reid, who will be in Colombia on a FBO cultural symposium in Bogota.

The band has been working up a set of 20-plus songs, new and old. Singer Dan Fallis promises there will be 'lots of grey beards and arthritis, plus tons of new bass equipment' and drummer Alan Hiserodt says one difference of the new era is 'trying to keep up with what I played as a 20-something as a 40 year old.'

More updates on the #001 return to the livehouse to come...


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'FBO Celebrates SAGA Week (Days 6-7)'

SAGA's 'CHAPTERS CONCEPT' -- NEEDS NAME



No one will ever be able to hang any label of 'softie' or 'all talk, no action' on the Failed Bands of Oklahoma. To conclude the first-annual, partially successful first-annual SAGA WEEK, the FBO did something no prog rock fan, or otherwise, has ever done:

Listen to Saga's eight-chapter 'concept album' in order, five times, back to back.

Over each of Saga's first four albums -- the underrated disco/prog Saga (1978), the overworked Images at Twilight (1979), Silent Knight (1980) and the masterpiece Worlds Apart (1981) -- the Ontarian band released two songs subtitled by 'chapters.' They came out in a scrambled order (eg Chapter 6 in 1978, Chapter 2 in 1979 etc). Most songs are gloomy, meandering, synth-based songs -- frequently with chants. Debatably the 'chapter' subtitles provided a prod to what were often the least interesting songs on the albums.

Some notes:

* 7 or 8 songs begin with synths, the other begins with piano -- the full deal is nearly 50 minutes
* 5 of 8 songs are over six minutes, none are under four-and-a-half
* 3 of 8 have clear-cut sissy vocals, while 4 of 8 have very Dennis DeYoung-sounding vocals (no, that's not always the same thing)
* 5 of 8 songs have touches of macho guitar riffs
* 2 of 8 songs have obviously unnecessary musical segways
* 1 of 8 songs sound like the band Europe (who, by the way, still exist and at last have decided to do an 'almost unplugged' record... in 2008)

--> FBO Observers: Saga never named this Chapters album! We need ideas for a name of the Saga 'Chapters Concept Album.' We'll send on our suggestion. To help the brainstorm, here's an overview of each song.

IMAGES (Chapter 1)
Synopsis: guy sits with chalk drawing pictures that the rain blurs while people circle him and laugh.
Sound: Sissy piano, almost operatic/Antony vocals, hard to pump up at traffic lights, gets stronger at musical outro
Lyrical highlight: the character uses 'small bits of chalk' to draw
Year: 1979


DON'T BE LATE (Chapter 2)
Synopsis: The song (a single, appearing as a live video in early MTV days) is a dialogue between Saga's long-haired, whispering keyboardist (playing a robot/humanbot?) and lead singer Michael Sadler (as The Lead Character/Parcel Carrier). The robot/keyboardist wants the other to 'not be late.' And is really worried about it, it seems. The Lead Character (LC) must deliver 'a parcel' at 10:00 (presumably night) and seems rather blase about it all.
Sound: Spooky, prodding with water-stream keyboards and classical-music outro with distorted guitars. Not unenjoyable in all fairness.
Lyrical highlight: 'can you pick up this slowing pace' -- slowing?
Year: 1980




IT'S TIME (Chapter 3)
Synopsis: The elusive story plot starts to unravel here, something akin to a prequel to Styx's 'Kilroy Was Here'. The Lead Character has 'metal thoughts' and yells out 'it's time -- make me now!' Apparently he's being transformed from human to machine.
Sound: Sound-wise this again sounds like what Styx would pick up for 'Mr Roboto,' with full synth chords playing off overly busy sissy acoustic guitar fills -- then going into a rather poppy song, and turning into a pre-'Red Barcheta' solo (to simulate machine construction?).
Lyrical highlight: 'Even larger than I dreamed/this metal shift, a perfect shift'
Year: 1979

WILL IT BE YOU (Chapter 4)
Synopsis: Lead Character is feeling good, under a joyful keyboard pattern, and deliriously tells us that 'only one will survive -- 'will it be me? will it be you?' (Apparently talking to the tense keyboardist/robot character, but it's unclear.) In the end, he sassily predicts 'yes! it will be me!'
Sound: Possibly a single if the 'Chapters' album were packaged together (and it should be), with a sing-along chorus but the dreary chord-changing musical bridge should be edited out and brought right into the guitar-chugging last verse.
Lyrical highlight: 'computer dance, metallic romance, it really seems you had no chance'
Year: 1978




NO REGRETS (Chapter 5)
Synopsis: A classic 'morning after' song with Lead Character pausing for reflection following the narcisstic romp of Chapter 4. Casual listens beckon thoughts of gay human/humanbot sex and abandonments, but it's more likely LC betrayed the keyboard/humanbot by escaping some sort of 'transformation precedure' half done...
Sound: Synthetic bells lead into an unbearably sissy vocal and deceptively interesting melodic lines that lead gradually into the one-time-only robotic chorus 'can you say there are no regrets?'
Lyrical highlight: 'Far down below, he could see the scars, left from the night before.'
Year: 1981

TIRED WORLD (Chapter 6)
Synopsis: The Lead Character wanders into an abandoned city. Hey man, where is everyone?
Sound: Fuzzy '70s keys slip into a rhythmic song with a lot of high-hat action and chants, and a little Brian May guitaring in the unsatisfying chorus.
Lyrical highlight: 'This cry has no one left it can bother'
Year: 1978

TOO MUCH TO LOSE (Chapter 7)

Synopsis: Ah! The Lead Character wakes up from a dream, but 'one picture still stood clear' -- he looks around him and sees nothing but hordes working and working. Apparently on something 'metal' to 'enable its flight.' Matrix? Bladerunner?
Sound: A roaming keyboard leads into a peppy, open-guitar-chord song with uplifting, Queen-style choruses and Brian May-style guitar overdubs.
Lyrical highlight: 'As the numbers grew, their swarm blackened his view'
Year: 1980



NO STRANGER (Chapter 8)
Synopsis: The keyboardist/humanbot character returns here to confront Lead Character in a 'something is happening here and you don't know what it is, do you Mr Jones?' moment. Apparently they'll both lose their memory of everything; New Character sighs at the end, 'I suppose we'll have to miss what you'll decide to do.' Perhaps sit and draw images with chalk? (See Chapter 1.)
Sound: This song is fantastic: the lost Saga classic you may not know. Again starting with a pokey keyboard softly winds its way into an explosive, summer-single guitar riff with quarter-note piano notes and infectious vocal line. (Unlike Geddy, Sadler CAN sing.) Curious the chorus comes about once, then sits buried under the verse later on. Long meandering musical outro.
Lyrical highlight: 'It wasn't long ago... I was one of your kind'
Year: 1981


And such concludes the FBO's first-annual Saga Week.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'FBO Celebrate SAGA Week (Day 5)'

FBO & ONTARIO'S SAGA RELEASE VIDEO
Warning: This video cover version of Bob Dylan's 'It's All Over Now, Baby Blue' features (successful and failed) gunshots from the footage of the FBO-induced rehearsal for a re-enactement of the Battle for Hutchens.



The video excerpts lyrics from Saga's 'No Regrets (Chapter 5)' from the 1981 record Worlds Apart:

As the clouds
Continued to open
Each vision was hard to believe
Minimal motion
As far as the eye could see
Yesterday held so much promise
Today, only misbelief
And now the task of reconstruction
Salvaging all they could see...
Can you say there's no regrets?

For an explanation of how the collaboration happened see here.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'FBO Celebrate SAGA Week (Day 4)'

DAY 4 CANCELLED

Due to budget restraints following a far more lackluster reception than expected to FBO's first annual Saga Week, Day 4 and Day 6 have been cancelled. Day 5 and Day 7 will go on as planned.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'FBO Celebrates SAGA Week (Day 3)'

FBO/SAGA COLLABORATION IN WORKS
As part of the FBO's first annual SAGA WEEK, the Failed Bands of Oklahoma have collaborated with surviving members of Ontario's Saga (pictured) on a collaboratory cover version of Bob Dylan's 'It's All Over Now, Baby Blue.'

If you don't know the song, rent the best 'rock' documentary of all time, Don't Look Back, which follows Dylan on his brief tour of England in 1965. Hovering in the background of the film is the adoration of British press of the 'new Dylan' folkster Donovan, who finally meets up with Dylan in Dylan's hotel late in the film and plays a 'sing a song for you' campfire diddly that Dylan interjects sarcastically 'hey, that's a good song' then takes the guitar and puts Donovan into place with the unsubtle lyric of 'It's All Over Now, Baby Blue.' It's classic.

--> See it here.

Meanwhile, the FBO offers this video as an explanation of how the song was chosen and how the collaboration happened.

--> Remember to vote through October 11 on who the best Canadian progressive rock band is.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'FBO Celebrates SAGA Week (Day 2)'

IS SAGA or RUSH CANADA'S BEST PROGRESSIVE ROCK BAND?



Somewhere, somehow -- and soon -- the hipster quotient is going to (re?)discover progressive rock and you'll find songs coming out in 'Chapters' in scrambled order, lyrics discussing outer space or mind control, and melodies happily nicking from Bach's cupboard. Plus they'll let it bounce along enough that the softies can dance to it.

That's where Ontario's SAGA comes in.

Despite busy song arrangements, they never take themselves too seriously on the lyric front. Rush are nice guys, but there's little irony in theirs. Saga's songs tend to deal with confusion or flawed characters. The paranoid 'Framed' from 1981's epic 'Worlds Apart', for example, included this bit: 'Midnight courtroom confusion/The sentence of guaranteed seclusion/(no more Ernie Bilko)'

Ernie Bilko?

In 'Wind Him Up,' a catchy though ultimately revelatory-less assessment of gambling as an addiction, singer Michael Sadler (born in Wales) resists a literary reference to name the lead character something of a 'modern day Tom Sawyer,' and instead gives the guy a name: ALDO. And like Queen's 1980 hit 'Another One Bites the Dust,' the lyric begins by uttering the name (Queen's #1 song famously begins with 'Steve'). It's worth noting that rival Canadian rocker ALDO NOVA whose Top 40 song 'Fantasy' was released the same year, so in a way Crichton is pre-dating Stephen Malkmus' taunting name-drop jabs at Stone Temple Pilots and Smashing Pumpkins in Pavement's 1994 classic 'Range Life.'

--> Read an interview Aldo Nova discussing work with Jon Bon Jovi here.

In between finger-furied keyboard breaks, doubled on the guitars -- while a pounding Bonham-trained drummer ignores any thoughts of breaking into 7/8 time signatures and occasional keyboard overlays that wouldn't be out of place on the 'Teacher, Teacher' soundtrack pepper the scene -- Crichton looks dead serious when he sings (or taps his temple to stress a line), but his lyrics wisely don't strive for Rush's overly lofty themes. That's a subtle art prog rock could use more of. There are occasionally some nice, unexpected details from a prog rocker more keen on musical changes: 'Aldo lights a smoke, he's shakin', from carnation right to the ground...'

Saga also pre-dates Rush by a year with a curious voice-over. In the same song, as Aldo 'leaves the table' a Cockney-accented (it seems) young woman innocently asks 'no luck today?' A year later Rush would have Neil Peart (pictured, writing lyrics) chime in 'subdivisions' during the chorus of its namesake song (guitarist Alex Lifeson only pretended to do the speak-over in the video). This is not an accident. Rush, whom we support (and actively campaign for inclusion in to the flawed Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame, was copying Ontario's Saga.

The FBO asks you to decide who the best Canadian progressive rock band is, per a poll through October 11: Rush, Saga, Godspeed You! Black Emperor or Aldo Nova. (See poll to right.)

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Trivia Time; Launching a Celebratory Week'

Quick. Name a band with three keyboardists who were huge in Germany and Puerto Rico, where a sold-out early performance caused a riot of over 10,000 disappointed, ticket-less fans?

Hint: it's the same band that doesn't shy away from borrowing Bach melodies, and released a Q Tarantino-inspiring, sequentially-scrambled 'chapters' of a concept (that still defies explanation) over its first four albums.

Another hint: They're Canadian.

Their website includes recorded radio broadcasts from the Neal Armstrong's first step on the moon in 1969.

And, no, it's not Rush. Really.

The band is the best band of all time, Ontario's SAGA, who turned 30 years old this year.

The FBO dedicates the week of October 6-12 as FBO Celebrates Saga Week.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'European Sense of Pop > American Sense of Pop?'

TWO GREATEST POP STARS THE US DOESN'T KNOW
The long debate of who does rock better, England or the USA, has lingered long after the British Invasion showed the Brit bands seem to cull out memorable harmonies and anthemic riffs in a way that tends to allude American pop bands. What bands -- bands, not solo artists -- can really compare with the Beatles, Stones, Who, Zeppelin, Motorhead ultimately?

(The answer of national supremacy, though, might be Australia. After all, what song is truly better than 'You Shook Me All Night Long' by AC/DC?)

Pop follows the same lines, and it's something the FBO gets a refresher on every time it goes on a cultural symposium tour of Eastern Europe, where VH-1 plays 24 hours daily without commercials. Two huge pop stars -- Kylie Minogue of Australia, Robbie Williams of the UK -- are hourly represented on cafe stereo systems or video hit channels over here. Yet neither make a blip here. One wonders why.

Kylie, who beat breast cancer last year and is the famed ex-flame of Michael Hutchence, has long grown out of being the 'Australian Madonna.' No, she doesn't write her songs, but she's nicer, more attractive, a better singer and a better dancer. And can you imagine Madonna doing a duet with Nick Cave where she's taken to a river and beaten to death with a rock? (Video follows.)


Robbie -- quick, name three famous Robbies* -- is enigmatic to US audiences, and humor. He plays a self-obsessed showman, with a hint of chump-ness that leads the literal to say 'that guy's just a chump,' rather than realize he gets the joke too. He mocks himself constantly. In one video, in fake KISS make-up, he ends with a glance into his leather-studded speedo bottom and shakes his head in disgust.

Pop music is a no-go zone for some, but there are charms in having a hook sung by people you can be generally entertained by. Not sure that Britney or Miley or Madonna can compete with these guys.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

* Robbies: We need three famous Robbies. The FBO starts the process: Robbie Krieger was the Doors guitarist. You may remember him in the 'Touch Me' video where Robbie's been touched by a fist; note at the 1:06 mark his huge black eye; apparently beaten up for allowing Ray Manzarek in the band.

FBO: 'Delays Panhandle Show'

The Panhandle Show -- featuring FBO's four members and possibly members of the Central Iowa Rock website -- has been delayed. It's now scheduled for May 2009.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Answers Eternal Negativity of FBO with Questions (Actual Version)?

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Sofia, Bulgaria

FBO: 'Answers Eternal Negativity of FBO with Questions?'

RECORDED IN MELNIK, BULGARIA



Now consider this closet classic, recorded atop the same hill in Melnik in 2006.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Plovdiv, Bulgaria

FBO: 'Tributes Poetry/Rant'

It hurts us to say so! But we missed the first birthday of the greatest poem ever uttered in all orange.

On Sept 22, 2007, Mike Gundy -- the 40-year-old coach of Oklahoma State's football team -- let loose after a close win. If you haven't seen the following get ready for beauty; if you have, you haven't enough.

Please watch:



A few things to note:

* Mike's introduction is the most under-rated part of this, or any other dialogue. 'This was brought to me by a mother, of children.'
* This off-the-cuff rant apparently came moments after he learned about the offensive, and perhaps accurate, article. (The player in question -- Bobby Reid -- left the team shortly thereafter, and is already at odds with his new one.)
* The length is the same as 'Hey Ya!' -- perhaps the best pop song of the last 15 years.
* The following week's press conference Gundy brought his young son.
* The next week, when the author asked specifically wasn't true or accurate, he never answered.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Plovdiv, Bulgaria

FBO: 'Three Important Messages'

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Sofia, Bulgaria

FBO: 'Explaining the Poem from Bulgaria'

In the Failed Bands of Oklahoma's ongoing efforts to increase the transparency behind artistic/creative decision-making -- along with a steadily rising backlash against the poem -- the FBO offers this explanation behind the eight lines:



FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Sofia, Bulgaria

FBO: 'It's Time for a Poem'

Here is a poem from Bulgaria:




FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Veliko Tarnovo, Bulgaria

FBO: 'Discovers Heavy Metal Capital'

Heavy metal never died, it just went to East Europe. A few years ago, while traveling across the Russian Far East, I kept spotting Dio promos in places like the Theatre of Musical Comedy in Khabarovsk, and learned the five-foot-plus singer was starting his tour in a place gulag labourers agonized to build seven decades ago. This year in Vladivostok, I dropped by a snooty CD store to ask about local bands, and a giant blond guy handed me a band called 'Masters of Defecation.' 'It is death metal, very hard.'

Nothing beats Kavarna, Bulgaria though -- perhaps the heart of the heavy metal world. It's a crummy place, with aged housing blocks sweeping down a dramatic cliffside setting to a crummy beach. The sea name? Black of course. It jumped onto the heavy metal map when a headbanging mayor delivered, apparently, on his campaign promises by launching the Kaliakra Rock Fest, an annual three-day metal fest named for a dramatic cape nearby dotted with remains of Thracian and Roman forts.

This year Manowar, Alice Cooper and Slayer headlined the nights.

In town, the main road passes communist-era housing blocks with a twist. The murals of 'workers power!' have been whitewashed and replaced with full images of a few Bulgarian metal singers in the process of a fist-pump, plus Billy Idol ('Mony Mony' era). This is a town where John Lawton -- singer from Uriah Heep and a Rock Fest regular -- is more of a household name than David Beckham or Vladimir Putin.

There is more than your average share of turreted rooftops -- essential for warding off dragons I hear. Down by a rather crappy beach lined with old buildings, some out of use, is a grey silo re-fashioned into a castle.

--> The FBO would like to invite the planners of Kavarna Rock Fest to a FBO-planning seminar in Varna tomorrow, or in Brooklyn on October 2, to discuss the FBO Panhandle Show.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Varna, Bulgaria

FBO: 'Oklahoma Rock Song Contest Snubs the Failed'

Over the next two-and-a-half months, an open vote -- by Oklahomans and non-Oklahomans -- will determine the official Oklahoma Rock Song, which will be presented to the Oklahoma legislature in 2009.

Their website explains why: "From the days of rockabilly to modern alternative rock, Oklahomans have made significant contributions to the history and evolution of Rock & Roll."

The list of ten nominees, picked by an open nomination process already ended, supposedly accepted only songs "written or performed by an Oklahoman." One song by the Ventures is included partially because "Oklahoman Bob Bogle suggested the band cover the song." A cover.

The Failed Bands of Oklahoma are enraged that no failed bands are included in the list.

Hence, the FBO offers a more suitable late entry than a Ventures cover. FBO Member #001 Tall Tales is a failed Oklahoma band with several Oklahoma-themed songs, including 'Heck No.' In 2006, the FBO induced Tall Tales to record a fake three-long live EP called "Live in a Place in Oklahoma" which featured the song "A Place in Oklahoma."

THE FBO NOMINATES FBO #001 TALL TALES' "A Place in Oklahoma"

--> Otherwise, there's no choice but to vote for Leon Russell's 'Home Sweet Oklahoma," for recognizing that "Alabama" rhymes, more or less, with Oklahoma.

Acknowledgment to Tom Caw for finding the contest.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Sozopol, Bulgaria

FBO: 'Oklahoma City Basketball Club'

THUNDER OK?
The Failed Bands of Oklahoma have recorded a special response to news that the OKC BC (Oklahoma City Basketball Club) of the NBA has chosen 'Thunder' for its name:




FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Shipka Pass, Bulgaria

FBO: 'In Bulgaria'

The FBO is again undergoing a 'fact-finding mission' across the EU's Bulgaria over the next four weeks. So far, the program has reached the northwest corner of Bulgaria -- sticking like a little thorn between Romania and Serbia, several hours northwest of Sofia. Few go, but it's quite interesting.

More on Bulgaria is here.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Veliko Tarnovo, Bulgaria

FBO: 'Will Re-Stage Battle for Hutchens'

RE-ENACTORS (SERIOUS ONES) NEEDED

The Failed Bands of Oklahoma will re-stage the legendary Battle for Hutchens on its upcoming anniversary next May. The re-enactment will be faithful and not G-rated. Unlike so many displays of rifles and uniforms in a kid-friendly environment, the FBO re-enactment will replicate the truth: meaning simulated cut-off limbs, simulated decapitations from canon fire, and soldiers (of both the Continental and Federal armies) screaming actual obscenities.

Importantly, re-enactors will not 'break character,' as happens SO often at these re-enactments. If an observer has a question about historical implications of the Little Creek stand-off, don't ask a re-enactor: go look up it in your library.

The FBO recently underwent a field trip to the site to plot out where the battle took place. Unfortunately a gazebo and parking lot is located near the bulk of the battlefield, and a soccer field fills most of the rest.

See upcoming posts for more on this key tribute to history.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Vote on OKC Skyline'

WHAT IS THIS OKLAHOMA CITY MISSING?


Oklahoma City plans to build its tallest building. Considering, after so many years, Oklahoma City is also getting its first major sports franchise -- and is apparently flubbing the name choice with Thunder (probably will go with a teal color scheme too!) -- the FBO wants to get a head start on the building OKC needs to have. To avoid mistakes.

The FBO would like Oklahoma City to steal an already existing building and re-build it in OKC. We've narrowed it down to three options, which we leave up for the FBO Observers to vote on. The winning decision will be sent to Oklahoma City HQ.

Kuala Lampur's Petronas Towers is the world's tallest buildings, for the moment. Oklahoma City should built ONE of them. 'You've heard of the world's tallest buildings -- the Petronas Towers. Well, now there are THREE.' It would be a miniature version called the Oklahoma City Petrona Tower (no s), about 52 floors.


Yes yes yes! We've seen the 'Bird's Nest' in Beijing enough already. China's best building, including the Forbidden City, is Shanghai's Oriental Pearl Tower, which Oklahoma City could replicate, even if it means knocking down the Skirvin to do.



Tulsa is proud of its Williams Center, so steal it. The Williams in Oklahoma City would be called the Actual Williams. The Tulsa Williams is 52 stories, the Oklahoma City version would be 54.

FBO: 'Confusion!'

The FBO remains confused by some things seen on its symposiotic journey across the Russian Far East. Namely, Petropavlovsk's Lenin Square, which features a banner reading 'Putin's Plan Will be Realized!' and an ice cream labelled 'CCCP' (USSR) and featuring the subliminal images of a Che Guevara.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'FBO Member Has NY Times Article'

It happened again. FBO Member Robert Reid had a little piece on Vladivostok, Russia in yesterday's New York Times.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Defeating Smash'

What's with the Olympics' fascination with 'smash'? World records and opponents are repeatedly 'smashed' this time -- not any recent Olympics has a verb other than 'beat' or 'defeat' held a higher monopoly on word-play as 2008 Beijing. A quick Google search shows that, in addition to NBC's syrupy coverage, Reuters, the LA Times, China Post, VOA News, American Scientist (!), and even NPR has gotten into the act. Where did this come from?

Maybe it's France's fault. Apparently -- and no sources have been given -- the French relay swim team boasted they'd 'smash' the Americans, only to lose in a last-second reach.

--> The Failed Bands of Oklahoma bans the use of 'smash' in terms of athletic achievement for four months -- it's OK to smash cans though.

Meanwhile we're keeping an eye on overuse of 'crush,' long-ago hijacked by REM's awful-U2-ripoff song 'Orange Crush'.


FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Middlebury, Vermont

FBO: 'Another Bout of Dean Reed'

Not enough people have watched the best video of all time.

Here it is again:



And a bit about 'The Red Elvis' documentary:


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Summer On Probation'

For decades, Tulsa's three-par course at LaFortune has been lighted during the worst time of year -- roughly Memorial Day to Labor Day, when it hurts to be outside. By the time the weather cools down -- late September and October -- lights are off, the night game's long gone.

Similarly, we pile our sweaty selves into all-day summer weekend concerts, like Roklahoma, where dizziness comes not from drugs or the distortion, but the mid-day heat.

Summer? A time of street fairs, festivals, air shows. Parades, concerts, crafts fairs. Why?

--> The FBO is standing up to summer, the most overrated season. In 2009, the FBO will launch a 'FBO street-fair/festival/concert series' in MID AUTUMN. Meanwhile, the FBO asks America to 'wake up.' And condemn summer's monopoly on year-round activities.

Think of the children at least.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Acknowledges Dean Reed'

WHO KILLED THE RED ELVIS? WHY, WHAT'S THE REASON FOR?
Coloradoan Dean Reed began his pop career(s) imitating Elvis -- simple, non-confrontational songs about young ladies and (his) broken hearts. Unlike most stars of his era, he bought into the '60s, big-time, becoming an out-spoken critic of the US and, eventually, an all-out Marxist known as the 'Red Elvis.'

This guy is classic. When his US career started to fade, he got huge in Chile with love songs re-recorded songs in Spanish, did live albums in Montevideo, did the soundtrack for 'Zorro', then moved to East Germany and re-recorded them in German, starred in East German cowboy films, then went on a cheerful trip in 1979 through a befuddled Soviet Union, including a 19-day tour of the BAM train line -- the less-heralded train trip that runs to the north of the Trans-Siberian (a few years later, Gorbachev blamed the 'stagnation' of the entire USSR economy solely on this train line to nowhere).

(The FBO's recent symposium to Russia included several trips along the BAM, including its terminus at Soviet Harbor.)

The following link, from a 1979 Soviet film on Dean Reed, is for 'This Train,' about the BAM. It should be noted regarding his lyric 'this train don't carry no white an black, every body ride it is treated just alike' that Dean Reed, a foreigner, would have had to pay foreign prices to be on it:


Song titles include: 'BAM,' 'American Rebel,' 'Wake Up America,' 'Love Your Brothers, Hate Your Enemies,' a politically incorrect 'Wounded Knee 73' (with 'Native American chanting). As well as the following, unbelievable version 'Give Peace a Chance.'

WATCH THE BEST VIDEO OF ALL TIME:


An album featuring a cover of the pop song 'If You Go Away' (If you go away/On this summer's day/Then you might as well take the sun away') featured a painting of Vladimir Lenin. He recorded songs of Bulgarian folk songs.

At 47, a few years after the BAM tour, he was found drowned in East Germany. Many believe it was murder. Tom Hanks does too -- he bought the rights for a Dean Reed film a couple years ago.

More information, and free MP3s, is available from the all-time-great website www.deanreed.de.

The FBO acknowledges Dean Reed.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY