FBO: 'Answers Eternal Negativity of FBO with Questions (Actual Version)?

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Sofia, Bulgaria

FBO: 'Answers Eternal Negativity of FBO with Questions?'

RECORDED IN MELNIK, BULGARIA



Now consider this closet classic, recorded atop the same hill in Melnik in 2006.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Plovdiv, Bulgaria

FBO: 'Tributes Poetry/Rant'

It hurts us to say so! But we missed the first birthday of the greatest poem ever uttered in all orange.

On Sept 22, 2007, Mike Gundy -- the 40-year-old coach of Oklahoma State's football team -- let loose after a close win. If you haven't seen the following get ready for beauty; if you have, you haven't enough.

Please watch:



A few things to note:

* Mike's introduction is the most under-rated part of this, or any other dialogue. 'This was brought to me by a mother, of children.'
* This off-the-cuff rant apparently came moments after he learned about the offensive, and perhaps accurate, article. (The player in question -- Bobby Reid -- left the team shortly thereafter, and is already at odds with his new one.)
* The length is the same as 'Hey Ya!' -- perhaps the best pop song of the last 15 years.
* The following week's press conference Gundy brought his young son.
* The next week, when the author asked specifically wasn't true or accurate, he never answered.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Plovdiv, Bulgaria

FBO: 'Three Important Messages'

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Sofia, Bulgaria

FBO: 'Explaining the Poem from Bulgaria'

In the Failed Bands of Oklahoma's ongoing efforts to increase the transparency behind artistic/creative decision-making -- along with a steadily rising backlash against the poem -- the FBO offers this explanation behind the eight lines:



FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Sofia, Bulgaria

FBO: 'It's Time for a Poem'

Here is a poem from Bulgaria:




FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Veliko Tarnovo, Bulgaria

FBO: 'Discovers Heavy Metal Capital'

Heavy metal never died, it just went to East Europe. A few years ago, while traveling across the Russian Far East, I kept spotting Dio promos in places like the Theatre of Musical Comedy in Khabarovsk, and learned the five-foot-plus singer was starting his tour in a place gulag labourers agonized to build seven decades ago. This year in Vladivostok, I dropped by a snooty CD store to ask about local bands, and a giant blond guy handed me a band called 'Masters of Defecation.' 'It is death metal, very hard.'

Nothing beats Kavarna, Bulgaria though -- perhaps the heart of the heavy metal world. It's a crummy place, with aged housing blocks sweeping down a dramatic cliffside setting to a crummy beach. The sea name? Black of course. It jumped onto the heavy metal map when a headbanging mayor delivered, apparently, on his campaign promises by launching the Kaliakra Rock Fest, an annual three-day metal fest named for a dramatic cape nearby dotted with remains of Thracian and Roman forts.

This year Manowar, Alice Cooper and Slayer headlined the nights.

In town, the main road passes communist-era housing blocks with a twist. The murals of 'workers power!' have been whitewashed and replaced with full images of a few Bulgarian metal singers in the process of a fist-pump, plus Billy Idol ('Mony Mony' era). This is a town where John Lawton -- singer from Uriah Heep and a Rock Fest regular -- is more of a household name than David Beckham or Vladimir Putin.

There is more than your average share of turreted rooftops -- essential for warding off dragons I hear. Down by a rather crappy beach lined with old buildings, some out of use, is a grey silo re-fashioned into a castle.

--> The FBO would like to invite the planners of Kavarna Rock Fest to a FBO-planning seminar in Varna tomorrow, or in Brooklyn on October 2, to discuss the FBO Panhandle Show.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Varna, Bulgaria

FBO: 'Oklahoma Rock Song Contest Snubs the Failed'

Over the next two-and-a-half months, an open vote -- by Oklahomans and non-Oklahomans -- will determine the official Oklahoma Rock Song, which will be presented to the Oklahoma legislature in 2009.

Their website explains why: "From the days of rockabilly to modern alternative rock, Oklahomans have made significant contributions to the history and evolution of Rock & Roll."

The list of ten nominees, picked by an open nomination process already ended, supposedly accepted only songs "written or performed by an Oklahoman." One song by the Ventures is included partially because "Oklahoman Bob Bogle suggested the band cover the song." A cover.

The Failed Bands of Oklahoma are enraged that no failed bands are included in the list.

Hence, the FBO offers a more suitable late entry than a Ventures cover. FBO Member #001 Tall Tales is a failed Oklahoma band with several Oklahoma-themed songs, including 'Heck No.' In 2006, the FBO induced Tall Tales to record a fake three-long live EP called "Live in a Place in Oklahoma" which featured the song "A Place in Oklahoma."

THE FBO NOMINATES FBO #001 TALL TALES' "A Place in Oklahoma"

--> Otherwise, there's no choice but to vote for Leon Russell's 'Home Sweet Oklahoma," for recognizing that "Alabama" rhymes, more or less, with Oklahoma.

Acknowledgment to Tom Caw for finding the contest.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Sozopol, Bulgaria

FBO: 'Oklahoma City Basketball Club'

THUNDER OK?
The Failed Bands of Oklahoma have recorded a special response to news that the OKC BC (Oklahoma City Basketball Club) of the NBA has chosen 'Thunder' for its name:




FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Shipka Pass, Bulgaria

FBO: 'In Bulgaria'

The FBO is again undergoing a 'fact-finding mission' across the EU's Bulgaria over the next four weeks. So far, the program has reached the northwest corner of Bulgaria -- sticking like a little thorn between Romania and Serbia, several hours northwest of Sofia. Few go, but it's quite interesting.

More on Bulgaria is here.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Veliko Tarnovo, Bulgaria

FBO: 'Will Re-Stage Battle for Hutchens'

RE-ENACTORS (SERIOUS ONES) NEEDED

The Failed Bands of Oklahoma will re-stage the legendary Battle for Hutchens on its upcoming anniversary next May. The re-enactment will be faithful and not G-rated. Unlike so many displays of rifles and uniforms in a kid-friendly environment, the FBO re-enactment will replicate the truth: meaning simulated cut-off limbs, simulated decapitations from canon fire, and soldiers (of both the Continental and Federal armies) screaming actual obscenities.

Importantly, re-enactors will not 'break character,' as happens SO often at these re-enactments. If an observer has a question about historical implications of the Little Creek stand-off, don't ask a re-enactor: go look up it in your library.

The FBO recently underwent a field trip to the site to plot out where the battle took place. Unfortunately a gazebo and parking lot is located near the bulk of the battlefield, and a soccer field fills most of the rest.

See upcoming posts for more on this key tribute to history.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Vote on OKC Skyline'

WHAT IS THIS OKLAHOMA CITY MISSING?


Oklahoma City plans to build its tallest building. Considering, after so many years, Oklahoma City is also getting its first major sports franchise -- and is apparently flubbing the name choice with Thunder (probably will go with a teal color scheme too!) -- the FBO wants to get a head start on the building OKC needs to have. To avoid mistakes.

The FBO would like Oklahoma City to steal an already existing building and re-build it in OKC. We've narrowed it down to three options, which we leave up for the FBO Observers to vote on. The winning decision will be sent to Oklahoma City HQ.

Kuala Lampur's Petronas Towers is the world's tallest buildings, for the moment. Oklahoma City should built ONE of them. 'You've heard of the world's tallest buildings -- the Petronas Towers. Well, now there are THREE.' It would be a miniature version called the Oklahoma City Petrona Tower (no s), about 52 floors.


Yes yes yes! We've seen the 'Bird's Nest' in Beijing enough already. China's best building, including the Forbidden City, is Shanghai's Oriental Pearl Tower, which Oklahoma City could replicate, even if it means knocking down the Skirvin to do.



Tulsa is proud of its Williams Center, so steal it. The Williams in Oklahoma City would be called the Actual Williams. The Tulsa Williams is 52 stories, the Oklahoma City version would be 54.

FBO: 'Confusion!'

The FBO remains confused by some things seen on its symposiotic journey across the Russian Far East. Namely, Petropavlovsk's Lenin Square, which features a banner reading 'Putin's Plan Will be Realized!' and an ice cream labelled 'CCCP' (USSR) and featuring the subliminal images of a Che Guevara.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'FBO Member Has NY Times Article'

It happened again. FBO Member Robert Reid had a little piece on Vladivostok, Russia in yesterday's New York Times.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Defeating Smash'

What's with the Olympics' fascination with 'smash'? World records and opponents are repeatedly 'smashed' this time -- not any recent Olympics has a verb other than 'beat' or 'defeat' held a higher monopoly on word-play as 2008 Beijing. A quick Google search shows that, in addition to NBC's syrupy coverage, Reuters, the LA Times, China Post, VOA News, American Scientist (!), and even NPR has gotten into the act. Where did this come from?

Maybe it's France's fault. Apparently -- and no sources have been given -- the French relay swim team boasted they'd 'smash' the Americans, only to lose in a last-second reach.

--> The Failed Bands of Oklahoma bans the use of 'smash' in terms of athletic achievement for four months -- it's OK to smash cans though.

Meanwhile we're keeping an eye on overuse of 'crush,' long-ago hijacked by REM's awful-U2-ripoff song 'Orange Crush'.


FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Middlebury, Vermont

FBO: 'Another Bout of Dean Reed'

Not enough people have watched the best video of all time.

Here it is again:



And a bit about 'The Red Elvis' documentary:


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Summer On Probation'

For decades, Tulsa's three-par course at LaFortune has been lighted during the worst time of year -- roughly Memorial Day to Labor Day, when it hurts to be outside. By the time the weather cools down -- late September and October -- lights are off, the night game's long gone.

Similarly, we pile our sweaty selves into all-day summer weekend concerts, like Roklahoma, where dizziness comes not from drugs or the distortion, but the mid-day heat.

Summer? A time of street fairs, festivals, air shows. Parades, concerts, crafts fairs. Why?

--> The FBO is standing up to summer, the most overrated season. In 2009, the FBO will launch a 'FBO street-fair/festival/concert series' in MID AUTUMN. Meanwhile, the FBO asks America to 'wake up.' And condemn summer's monopoly on year-round activities.

Think of the children at least.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Acknowledges Dean Reed'

WHO KILLED THE RED ELVIS? WHY, WHAT'S THE REASON FOR?
Coloradoan Dean Reed began his pop career(s) imitating Elvis -- simple, non-confrontational songs about young ladies and (his) broken hearts. Unlike most stars of his era, he bought into the '60s, big-time, becoming an out-spoken critic of the US and, eventually, an all-out Marxist known as the 'Red Elvis.'

This guy is classic. When his US career started to fade, he got huge in Chile with love songs re-recorded songs in Spanish, did live albums in Montevideo, did the soundtrack for 'Zorro', then moved to East Germany and re-recorded them in German, starred in East German cowboy films, then went on a cheerful trip in 1979 through a befuddled Soviet Union, including a 19-day tour of the BAM train line -- the less-heralded train trip that runs to the north of the Trans-Siberian (a few years later, Gorbachev blamed the 'stagnation' of the entire USSR economy solely on this train line to nowhere).

(The FBO's recent symposium to Russia included several trips along the BAM, including its terminus at Soviet Harbor.)

The following link, from a 1979 Soviet film on Dean Reed, is for 'This Train,' about the BAM. It should be noted regarding his lyric 'this train don't carry no white an black, every body ride it is treated just alike' that Dean Reed, a foreigner, would have had to pay foreign prices to be on it:


Song titles include: 'BAM,' 'American Rebel,' 'Wake Up America,' 'Love Your Brothers, Hate Your Enemies,' a politically incorrect 'Wounded Knee 73' (with 'Native American chanting). As well as the following, unbelievable version 'Give Peace a Chance.'

WATCH THE BEST VIDEO OF ALL TIME:


An album featuring a cover of the pop song 'If You Go Away' (If you go away/On this summer's day/Then you might as well take the sun away') featured a painting of Vladimir Lenin. He recorded songs of Bulgarian folk songs.

At 47, a few years after the BAM tour, he was found drowned in East Germany. Many believe it was murder. Tom Hanks does too -- he bought the rights for a Dean Reed film a couple years ago.

More information, and free MP3s, is available from the all-time-great website www.deanreed.de.

The FBO acknowledges Dean Reed.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'A Demand for Virginia State'

CHANGE YOUR QUARTER!

North Carolina's insistence that Pasadena (not Green Bay) won Super Bowl I -- as proven by their license-plate and quarter claims of 'First in Flight' by Ohioans in Kitty Hawk -- now means that Virginia must change its commemorative quarter.

History likes to forget that the Wright Brothers, who took their Ohio-made aircraft to North Carolina for the world's first flight in 1903, kept going after their history making flight. Five years later, Orville -- who lost a coin toss at Kitty Hawk, so watched his brother Wilbur take the reins -- marked his own history: the first flight fatality (not including failed attempts at flight before 1903).



A New York Times article Sunday noted that the 100th anniversary of flying fatalities is coming this September 17. Orville flew a 26-year-old army officer for a show with 2000 spectators, promptly crashed the plane, killing the officer. Orville walked away.

--> It took place in Ft Myer, VIRGINIA.

Thus the FBO asks Virginia, whose quarter currently credits the death of Jamestown in 2007, to change its quarter to 'FIRST IN FLIGHT FATALITIES.'

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'FBO Warning to OKC NBA Team'

Oklahoma has landed, aka stolen, its first major-league team of a major sport by buying and removing a once-champion Seattle Sonics. Most sports fans lament such moves when it happens -- Quebec City, Cleveland, Baltimore, Winnipeg -- but happily look the other way when their town benefits from it.

The FBO has reserved a neutral stance on whether the OKC NBA team should be supported or not, but cannot stand silent at some -- if not all -- of the names the franchise is considering.

As of this week, the team has registered six potential names:

OKLAHOMA CITY BARONS
OKLAHOMA CITY BISON
OKLAHOMA CITY ENERGY
OKLAHOMA CITY MARSHALLS (sic)
OKLAHOMA CITY THUNDER
OKLAHOMA CITY WIND

FBO Verdict: If Oklahoma City names itself for a noun that can't be counted -- ie Energy, Thunder or Wind -- the FBO will ban the team and actively campaign for sports fans to boycott games.

Preferred Name: Not a lot to work with on this list. Most feel a little like minor-league baseball team names. Probably Bison is best.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY