FBO: 'Adopts the Trabant'

The East-German Trabant, a two-cycle car that was originally intended to be a 'family motorcycle,' became one of the longest surviving cars in automotive history. Its design -- covered with a plastic-like substance (not 'cardboard compressed' as some say -- was a legacy of embargoes opposed from steel plants in Western Germany against Soviet bloc countries. Its engine, its look hardly changed from 1957 till the car was discontinued in 1990.


In the FBO's recent press trip to Bulgaria and Romania, FBO Admin found that old Trabants could be purchased in Bulgaria for as little as US$100.

We think the endurance of the Trabant, despite the odds, is roughly symbolic to the Failed Bands of Oklahoma's plight -- to garner press, to play shows, to continue creating music, to ban movies like 'Superman Returns.'

In other news, here's the FBO Admin's World Cup picks:

Germany over Argentina, 2-1
Italy over Ukraine, 3-0
England over Portugal, 2-1
Brazi over France, 2-0


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'New Incarnation of #002 Changes Name'

NAME GETS CHOPPED

Eric Harmon, formerly of The Cant or Cinder Biscuits (together making up FBO Member #002), has let us know that the new incarnation of those bands -- Chop Shop -- has changed its name to Gear Test. We asked why:

'Well, the name geart test was going to be the name of the EP -- but kept loathing the name chop shop for various reasons -- it was a little too metal, a club in okc called chop shop. Every mom'n'pop motorcycle shop this or that side of the pecos had one.

I was talking to the boys about it for months, until i just changed it on My Space. It was our "url" all along anyway -- just seemed right. A good time to do it before we released any "actual" product.'

FBO Admin
Temp/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Alternates to Superman Returns'

THREE SUPERHEROES TO CONQUER OLD ONES

Because of the FBO-initiated ban on cinema's troubling tendency toward sequels, remakes and biopics, the FBO reminds you to skip Superman Returns, which is released June 28.

Alternates include:

Nacho Libre Rarely do Hollywood summer comedies base themselves in Mexico, feature a cast composed of almost entirely unknown Mexican actors, and follow the exploits of a Mexican tradition, such as wrestling. Plus it's very funny. The FBO loves Nacho Libre.
World Cup Over three billion people tuned into the 2002 final (this Cup's final is scheduled for July 9), compared to about 60 million world-wide clicking on the Super Bowl. It's the world's biggest sporting event and worth the hype.
Blue Rose Rocket Our favorite Oklahoma Panhandle band (shown above) is made up of two kids and a gray-ponytailed lead guitarist. Stay tuned for an interview (if they answer our emails). Meanwhile, buy their album and listen to it.

FBO to Hollywood: 'Superman Never Again'


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Applauds the Band that Refuses to Fail -- California's Slow Poisoner'

POISON (LABORIOUSLY ADMINISTERED) GARNERS HOPE

Andrew Goldfarb, aka Slow Poisoner, is a surrealistic one-man band from San Francisco. The band once had five people, then two, not just one. Songs include the post-911 tribute 'Days of the Soft Break' and a new one called 'Flaming Creatures (of Rock & Roll)' -- click here for the download, and other SP info. SP takes songs like these on the road to very unsual out-of-the-way venues. Not many San Franciscan musicians consider playing Lubbock for instance. Here's our virtual chat transcript.

The band size keeps falling. Why do you refuse to fail?
I also refuse to succeed. Eventually I hope to kick me out of the band too, but still perform, as a shadow of my former self, strumming an air guitar.

The FBO applauds your choice of playing shows at places like Lubbock and Wichita. Why do you play such out-of-the-way places?
Lubbock is the birthplace of the Legendary Stardust Cowboy (www.stardustcowboy.com). Reason enough! And Glen Campbell's "Wichita Lineman" is what's driving me to Kansas:


I am a lineman for the county
and I drive the main roads
searching in the sun for another overload
I hear you singing in the wire
and I can hear you through the whine
and the Wichita lineman is still on the line

Plus, there's a venue there called "Kirby's Beer Hall."

You mention on your website that all but three people hated you at one show in Georgia. Metal fans apparently. What did they say, and what did you say?
Our communication was non-verbal: they started square dancing ironically, and I responded by square dancing sincerely.

Thanks to SP.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, New York

FBO: 'Bringing Joy to its Readers'

The FBO searches all corners of the globe to bring happiness to failed bands and fans of failed bands.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Los Angeles, California

FBO: 'Tributes 6-6-06 With Failed Fake Metal Band'

ANOTHER ONE THAT DIDN'T MAKE IT
In honor of 6-6-06, and the FBO celebrates FBO Member #001 Tall Tales' spin-off heavy metal band THE BILL WYMANS. The short-set 'band' played a few times in 1990 and 1991, usually 'opening' for Tall Tales when no other bands were available.

Danny Fallis told us that the BWs were born from an impromptu 'jam period' that led to four new 'non Tall Tales sounding songs' in a few hours. 'We had a show coming up and we tried to figure out how to incorporate them into our set list,' Fallis says. 'I remember leaving the stage, taking a shot of something, putting on a wig and PJs, and they whole band ran back onstage proclaiming to be the Bill Wymans.' Alan Hiserodt added, 'It was a gag to do at Rome [a former club in Norman that once hosted the New Kids on the Block] too. We finally got a headline gig there, but no opening band. So we opened for ourselves.'

The short set-list ressurected an old song from pre-Tall Tales days called 'Streets of Hell,' a cover of the Scorpions' 'Rock You Like a Hurricane' and a few new songs including 'Let Me Play Your Sex Organ' and the band's favorite, a ballad called 'I Want You Inside Me.'

The Bill Wymans faded after a few shows. Hiserodt explained, 'We had opening bands, so we had no need for the BWs at that point.' But Fallis disagreed, 'Who said they're dead? They could come back like all bands do. I'm thinking sometime around 2008.'

Tall Tales picked the name because Bill Wyman was a 'womanizing bassist.' Something the band was very familiar with.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Pre-release of Oklahoma Gazette Feature'

Many FBO fans remember that FBO's Mobile HQ was contacted by the Oklahoma Gazette a couple months ago. So far the virtual interview hasn't made an appearance in the publication, so we thought we'd allow fans to get a 'preview' of the actual transcript -- in its rare, unedited format.

Sent on April 7, 2006, from FBO's Mobile HQ in Cluj-Napoca, Romania:


Oklahoma Gazette: What inspired this blog?
FBO Admin: I don't know where to begin. It neatly matches the point of life I'm at -- a merger of travel, resurrecting past dreams for no other purpose than a better substitute to television, and adding unnecessary monikers and bureacracy to things like failed bands. So it's kinda personal. I've always enjoyed watching bands that were OK, maybe bad, more than 'real' ones to succeed. There's nothing interesting, to some degree, in watching .38 Special. They were a successful band, they made some (debatably) catchy songs, with beards. OK. But a band that DID NOT make it makes you ask why. Makes you sit and ponder everything. You actually hear the skeleton of music, of lyrics, of band logos MORE SO when you look into things that, for a variety of fair/unfair reasons FAILED.

What has the response been?
I'd like more. But we have four bands that said 'yes, we failed, we want in' -- Tall Tales, Soul Shaker, The Cant/Cinder Biscuits and Asylum. I'm trying hard to get outside our immediate circle. I'd love nothing more than a failed Alabama-knock off from Wagoner in 1982. A Run DMC from Midwest City. A Stryper from Ponca. We're just starting. A cartoonist in Bulgaria said he'd make a cartoon of FBO HQ. I'd love to internationalize it if possible. Then maybe failed magicians are next... Anyway, I feel this is the point where I'm trying to get people involved in something that COULD be big, COULD be interesting. I'm certain it will. So I keep at it to 'create a back log' so that when interest comes, there will be something to show.

What does celebrating a failed band achieve?
Celebrating a failed band is a celebration of your own dreams. The FBO represents you, the average person. I mean it.

Do you feel as though any currently active bands can take lessons from those that have failed?
Certainly could. At least some things not to do. But I don't care too much about helping them. Let them fail/succeed on their own. Best of luck. However, I pencilled in a 'panel discussion,' perhaps during the panhandle shows, or as a 'live feed' at a Norman cafe, from FBO members across the state, where discussions and topics like this can be addressed. Actually, to be really honest, I'd say that none of us failed. We went out and made stuff. DIY art. Songs, lyrics, stage props, programs, album covers, flyers, promotion, management... It's quite an achievement to even have failed. I'm as proud of the bands I've failed in as anything I've done. I mention it in every job interview I've been in...

Could you elaborate a bit upon the slated "Panhandle Tour"?
I think this is the crux of the FBO. Oklahoma mainland rarely considers its panhandle. I'd seriously like the state to start a festival, a movement, a march, a day -- to acknowledge the panhandle. We so rarely do. And without it Oklahoma would look pretty Connecticut-like and dumb on a map. Plus having failed bands playing Guymon or Oklahoma Panhandle State University (they're interested, I've asked), can you imagine? A 'Last Waltz' of the unheralded? Doing a warm-up acoustic show atop Black Mesa for no one? Is there anything better than that?


FBO Admin
Temp/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, New York