Friday, September 08, 2006

FBO: 'Ban Against North Carolina'

FBO Admin recently purchased a small cup of Starbucks coffee from the first Starbucks ever, in Pike Place Market in Seattle, WA. Outside, three haggardly guys with Neil Young 1971 hairstyles played Neil's 'Heartless' -- the spoon player throwing down his spoons in faux angst at the end of the unexplosive tune. Inside teams of tourists eyed Starbucks merchandise. Receiving coin change from the overly friendly cash attendant, FBO Admin noticed a 'North Carolina quarter' -- branded 'FIRST IN FLIGHT' and showing bald Ohioan Wilbur Wright (shown below) watching his Ohioan brother fly the Ohio-made aircraft on December 17, 1903.

Enough already, Carolina! One wonders, who exactly is 'first in flight' here? An Ohioan made and flew an Ohio-material aircraft. Either way, for North Carolina to emblazen their one-shot at coin immortality with Ohioans is a missed opportunity. It's like having the Rolling Stones putting George Harrison's 'Bangladish concert' set on the cover of their '40 Licks' greatest-hits package, and a photo of a bong Steve Stevens, of Billy Idol's band, made in 'shop' in 12th grade. C'mon!

FBO, thus, recommends, banning travel or commercial trade with North Carolina until they come up with a more creative and apt slogan for their beautiful state. To distance itself from its northerly cousin (who tries to lump the states together with the poorly uniformed 'Carolina' Panthers, based in Charlotte, NC), the FBO recommends that South Carolina change its name.

--> Please give us your suggestions for South Carolina's new name, which will be forwarded to South Carolinian authorities.

It is worth pointing out that Mack Brown, coach of the Texas Longhorns, once coached at North Carolina. His #2 team hosts #1 Ohio State this Saturday. You can be sure Wright descendants and Kitty Hawk's chamber of commerce will be watching this game CLOSELY.

Prediction: Texas 27, tOSU 20. There is no justice on the gridiron pitch.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY


Failed Bands of Oklahoma said...

I recommend South Carolina change its name to CHARLESTON, and the city of that name change its name to Charleston City. The capital would remain Columbia.

Bronc said...

While Charleston has it's charm, I am leaning more towards the new name of "Doug". Naming a state "Doug" would bring with it all kinds of benefits. As a Dougan, you'd be expected to be at least 3 hours late to any activity. Pontiac would become the state automobile.

Failed Bands of Oklahoma said...

Yes, Doug. That's definitely it.

Anonymous said...

Actually, North Carolina's quarter reads "First Flight", which is 100% accurate. Perhaps you're thinking of their license plates, which have indeed read "First in Flight" for almost 25 years now.

So, yeah, better get on that boycott.

Failed Bands of Oklahoma said...

Senor, North Carolina's quarter shows an Ohioan watching an Ohioan flying in an Ohio-made aircraft. Not much for state pride. The ban continues, and you must spend 35 minutes in our penalty box.