Thursday, September 28, 2006

FBO: 'Celebrates State-to-State Tension'

DETEST THY NEIGHBOR
FBO's yet-to-be-publicized pet project of late is a mass campaign to expand the state of Delaware to include presently Maryland's Eastern Shore, which -- by all accounts, looking at a map or talking with a handful of Delawareans -- is 'Rightful Delaware.' Delaware actually was once part of Pennsylvania, and seceded while Lord Baltimore and Mr Penn bickered about where the state line between the two states were. Eventually, a couple British blokes -- a Mason and a Dixon -- were employed to draw the line (aka the Mason-Dixon line), which cut directly south along Delaware's western border, making our nation's first state Delaware the only one to reside EAST of the Mason-Dixon line.

--> What's to be noted here is that two states' tensions and sour relationships, in a way, led to a state in itself. The FBO sees such tension as analogous to failed bands' ongoing plights amidst the predictable derision, sarcasm and negativity from sideline watchers or non-failed bands.

While FBO Admin continues to work on the ploy for 'Rightful Delaware,' it's worth nothing the FIVE MOST INTRIGUING STATE/STATE RELATIONSHIPS:

North Dakota & South Dakota We love this one. Republican party in 1889 sliced this territory into north and south halves to gain extra representation in congress. Over the years, however, rivalry and distrust developed. Roads usually linked the states east and west, not toward each other. North Dakota feels more tied with Minnesota, South Dakota with Iowa. Occasionally North Dakota floats the idea of changing its name to just 'Dakota' -- 'for fun' one governor said -- outraging South Dakota with the tenacity. FBO formerly applauds the state of North Dakota and sides with North Dakota's punkish attitude towards its southerly neighbor, something Oklahoma knows something about.

Maryland & West Virgina, Maryland & Delaware, Maryland & Pennsylvania
Maryland gets the FBO award for craftiest-devil state. Take a look at it, and note how its western extremities nearly end around the Cumberland Gap, then re-emerge to steal some of former Virginia, and now West Virginia. Meanwhile, there's the aforementioned Mason-Dixon tensions with Pennsylania, and the absolute robbery of Rightful Delaware. The FBO puts Maryland on a 'watchlist' with potentional banning being considered.

Vermont & New Hampshire Like stalagmites and stalactites, no one remembers which one of these small, pointy states in New England is which (Vermont is to the left, in more ways than one). One votes Republican, the other is a BYOB (bring your own bong) bastion of liberal America.

Michigan & Wisconsin No! We are not amused by Michigan's violation -- that severed, irrational 'UP' upper peninsula thing. It's clearly Wisconsin and the FBO wants you to give it back.

Oklahoma & Texas Oklahoma's panhandle exists because Texas wanted slaves. Following the Compromise of 1850 (which prohibited slavery north of the panhandle's present southern border), Texas just sliced the liberated patch of land, which eventually became the least-heralded part of Oklahoma.

The FBO welcomes your votes for most intriguing state-to-state relationships.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

3 comments:

Bronc said...

Another fine read. Reminded me of the immortal song "Arkansas, Missouri, Kansas, Colorado, New Mexico and Texas..".

Failed Bands of Oklahoma said...

Classic song. Should be on Sesame Street.

Waska the Rocker said...

I'm a little curious as to why you've decided to side with Wisconsin. Especially in light of the fact that Tall Tales has songs about Wisconsin. I agree that upper Michigan should be Easter Wisconsin, but you've been mighty pro-Wisconsin lately. I should point out that your “Who Won Superbowl I” made sure LA didn’t steal the thunder from Green Bay’s victory. They're not paying you off with cheese, are they? I demand a full investigation!

I apologize for the tone of this. I just read a Jack Abramoff article on CNN.com and visited some illuminati/conspiracy sites.