Monday, January 15, 2007

FBO: "How to Count Vomits"

While on a promotional trip for the Failed Bands of Oklahoma in Chiapas, Mexico, FBO Admin fell victim to food poisoning and was left pondering how to count vomits in between trips to the (thankfully) private bathroom four feet away. Each "episode" comes with at least four expulsions. Does each expulsion count as a vomit? Do you get to say, whilst showing off in the hostel common space a day or two later, "Man, I threw up 16 times"?

Web search yields little satisfactory result. According to one playful FAQ on vomiting, when one gets sick -- almost always preceded by nausea -- a "wave" of vomit follows, and in the case of food poisoning, one requires three or four "waves" to rid your stomach of the culpritory food or drink. Each "wave" may require six to ten expulsions.

This does not answer the question.

A food-poisoning sickness, or a stomach flu of other sorts, can be counted by the "trips to the bathroom," or a "wave." But is each time your brain signals your stomach, and possibly small intestine, that the latest take is a "no go" -- each time a mad outpouring of stomach content -- is that a vomit?

Sadly the FBO believes that, until other proof comes, that a "wave" constitutes a vomit. And not each expulsion that constitutes each "wave." I explused maybe 18 times over four waves yesterday, but that only counts as four vomits. So: "Dude, I puked four times from those bad tacos." (It was more likely the salsa left out at room temperature for extended amounts of time that gets the blame.)

By the way, vomit tastes bad NOT from stomach acid by from butyl acid from the small instestine, and also the lack of sweeteners, as they are very quickly digested -- and out of reach from the vomitory episode. Also, though we rarely do so, it is best to vomit with your head LOWER than your hips, to ensure no vomit gets into your lungs.

Also, rats cannot vomit.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- San Cristobal de Las Casas, Mexico

1 comment:

Alan De-Mulletized said...

Very tight rules on this.

Much like the drunk ho baggings of our college days...the quickie in the morning after a night of oxygen starved funkin does not count as lay 2 (two), it can only count as 1 episode (fuck). So, each trip to the toilet out of bed, or between quick 15 minute pass-outs next to the toilet is considered 1 (one) vomit.
Can you name one person you know who has not gotten the vomit-shits when in Mexico?