Thursday, March 27, 2008

FBO: 'Releases Top 5 Pre-emptive Alternate Names for OKC NBA Team'


The NBA Seattle Supersonics are, in the words of ESPN, a 'step closer' to moving to Oklahoma City, following a successful visit to OKC by three owners and NBA commissioner David JJ Stern. If this should happen -- and the first major pro sports team finds its home in Oklahoma permanently -- the FBO is very worried about mistakes the organization may make regarding team name and team colors.

Clearly the name 'Sonics' can't survive the move. Oklahoma City is the HQ for the drive-in chain Sonic, and seeing their glub endorsements would make it feel like rooting for the OKC Target, the OKC Wal Ms or the OKC Braum's Machine. No.

While we've seen world-record stupidity in recent name swaps -- Washington Bullets (coolest NBA name and uniform, but violent) going to the Wizards (?), while the Washington Redskins (sounds good and historic, but is shockingly offensive) goes unchanged -- the FBO is making the pre-emptive move of making TEAM NAME SUGGESTIONS so as not to find our way with something dumb like the Oklahoma City Renegade.

Our top five.

Soccer leagues in Europe use the understated chic of 'FC' (football club) for a name, and no one in these United States has figured out that it's the new era of naming. Start it in the 405. It could be called Oklahoma City BC. Perhaps even have a silhouette of a diplodocus (plant-eating dinosaur) to tie in with BC.

Sounds tired? Not sure why. No professional team in these United States has gone for the most-fashionable pet of late. They have teeth, they look mean, and they're monsters of concessions. The jersey could look a bit like the Warriors' wonderful 'The City' jerseys but say 'B-Dog' (singular).

'We declare peace on you -- then we'll break you into pieces.' Could play 'Flight of Icarus' by Iron Maiden as they storm the court. The jersey would be sky blue and feature the Oklahoma state seal -- the peace shield shown on the flag (and SHOULD HAVE BEEN on the Oklahoma quarter). It is the best emblem in the world, why not use it?

You can SAY 'middle finger' in public, you just can't show it. Why not have a convention center full of fans yelling 'Meh-Dull Fin-Grrr, Meh-Dull Fin-Grrr'. The logo would be blurred out on uniforms and souvenir t-shirts.

Washington state -- where Seattle resides -- is named for George Washington, a president. The Wizards should clearly have used this name. Colors would stay green (cut the yellow) and have a silhouette of Geo Washington on the front. The slang nickname would be the 'greenbacks' and there would be the wink-wink suggestions that the team is named for 'dead presidents,' you know, money (other than the $100 bill and $10 bill).

Narrowly missing the top five: The Oklahoma City We Will Rock You.

Note: the FBO suspends its boycott of the NBA, put in place after the horrible suspension that knocked the Phoenix Suns out of the playoffs last year. The FBO by the way adopted the ABA before Will Ferrell did.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY


J said...

Energy or wind

THE FBO said...

Tornado-Fueled Alternate Energy?

Humuhumu said...

The Supersonics are to date the only team I have ever actually rooted for. Back when they had Gary Payton and Shawn Kemp, and my personal favorites, Hersey Hawkins and Pookie Snow. When the players scattered to the four winds, I lost interest -- I can't get into rooting for a logo. I guess I also never got over the loss of The Wheedle as mascot. Squatch just looked like he smelled funny.

Seattle just isn't much of an organized sports town, and the teams have always been on the verge of leaving, and I was always disappointed when they didn't. So, now I'm rooting for the Sonics again, but I'm rooting for them to go to Oklahoma.

I think they should become the Oklahoma City He Died For Your Sins. They could be the OKC Sins for short.

Bronc said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bronc said...

Clearly, we can't be the Bulldogs. Seeing the older Bulldogs running around in women's panties would be a violation of the NBA's dress code - they might ban us!

The name is needs to be related to Cowboys, Indians or Oil - things Oklahoma is known for.

jimtarnation said...

i've always been a fan of the literal, and have actually used The Basketball Team as my team name a few times. While i love the idea of OKCBC or OKCBT, it just ain't gonna happen, so why not name the team after a famous okie? Sure, the OKC Rebas or the OKC Woodys are all fine suggestions, but for my money, it's gotta be the OKC Cavanaughs. Celebrate 4 short decades of broadcast dominance the only way we know how: name something after her.