Sunday, March 15, 2009

FBO: 'Salutes Latest Non-NFL Football Attempt'

The saddest year in American sports history has nothing to do with steroids, dog fights or self-inflicted gunshot wounds. It was 2001, the year the XFL tried and failed to counter the non-failed NFL with a wrestling-styled brand of football. We were all for it. Just that they didn't go far enough to make 'extreme football' (see bottom of post for how it could have worked), and no players were interested in the antics -- they saw it as one thing: a chance to audition for the NFL.

Now that it, and NFL Europe, are gone, the UFL (United Football League) is giving a second option for pro football a try. They're starting smart -- rolling out with a manageable four teams (New York, Las Vegas, Orlando, San Francisco), each led by prime-time NFL coaches (including Jim Haslett and Denny Green), and a short season (just October to November) with games on Thursday and Friday nights. Next year they plan to expand to Salt Lake City and MONTERREY, MEXICO.

Best of all, the UFL are employing some slogans that caught our eye:

"THE UNITED FOOTBALL LEAGUE IS ALL ABOUT U"

A little goofy, but the league means it. The "mission statement" claims the UFL goal is "to to fulfill the unmet needs of football fans," promising "an affordable, accessible, exciting and entertaining game experience."

Also, the UFL are already taking suggestions for TEAM NAMES. We hope this doesn't end up with something like the Las Vegas Gamblers or San Francisco Wind. If so, we will only have our lack of vision to blame. At least there's real hope that something truly interesting can slip by -- Las Vegas Cravens, San Francisco Football Club, New York Orlando-Haters, Orlando Sadists. Send your team-name suggestions here.

"WHERE FUTURE STARS COMES TO PLAY"
Unlike some leagues, the UFL understands its place: as a stepping stone to the NFL. Many great college players never have a chance to make the NFL. Some go to Canada, others try the 'arena' league. We wonder if the UFL's chances might be best in spring -- so that some could ship up to NFL teams after spring training injuries -- and NOT compete with the highly popular college football games on Thursday (and Friday) night on ESPN.

We will watch you. And we might even try out.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY


*HOW the XFL could have worked: go all out with extreme.

  • During the 1920s, initial possession in many "Indian league" football games held in Oklahoma began by whomever got to the ball first -- after it was dropped by a passing plane above. The XFL should have adopted this as a game-starter.
  • Defense are allowed to use mobile walls -- five feet long, three fight high -- one time per half. They can place them anywhere on their side of the line of scrimmage before a play begins.
  • The field would have three sand traps, and one de-fanged/de-clawed cougar permanently on 10-foot chain at midfield.
  • One team should have been billed as the "gay team."
  • The game would be broadcast on HBO so that announcers could use whatever profanity they wished.
  • A sprinkler system would go on/off incrementally at one 40 yard line throughout game.

4 comments:

WASKA_THE_ROCKER said...

Somehow have to incorporate battle-bots.

Bronc said...

"One team should have been billed as the "gay team.""

I think the Dallas Cowboys already hold this distinction.

Burro Hall said...

I'm sorry - a de-clawed, de-fanged cougar is "extreme" exactly how?

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