FBO: 'Bans Sequels, Remakes & Bio-Pics'

You happy with self expression in this new century? Compare the public outcry in the late 1960s -- when actual blood was spilled around political conventions, student killed on campuses by police -- to the 00s, when an unpopular war, in which even the nation cannot agree how/why it started, yielded a relatively peaceful re-election for the incumbent. Little to no 'action' on the streets. Everyone was at home. One possibility is that the kids of the 00s are too content, too satisfied (hand-held video games, online chatting/dating, garage bands recording their own albums, kids making their own movies) than in the 60s and it's turned into a relatively lack of self expression.

Moving on, the FBO is worried about the trend in cinema of making biopics, rehashes of old TV shows or old movies, or sequels. It's become safer, from a box-office point of view, to give the public something it is already familiar with ('Dukes of Hazard,' 'Miami Vice,' 'X-Men 2' even 'Walk the Line') than to 'take a chance' on something completely new.

The FBO has had enough of the lack of creativity the motion-picture deems appropriate for our public. It's insulting and wrong. The FBO, thus, is suggesting an out-right ban of all future sequels, remakes and biopics.

It's still OK to see films based on books.


FBO Admin
Mobile HQ - Bucharest, Romania

{Photo} The photo, of a train worker, was taken in Tynda, Russia, in June 2005. The FBO sees this image -- one of action (creating things) -- as a symbol of the FBO. The ban is not a negative action, but one to prompt greater creativity. Also the members of the FBO, and all failed bands, should be comended for 'creating things' with little hope of acknowledgement or reward.

FBO Finds 'Key European Hub'

FBO ADOPTS SZEKELYUDVARHELY, ROMANIA

Some towns are great just because the people are great. This town of 37,000 in central Transylvania is the only of its size in Romania home to a majority (about 97%) of ethnic Hungarians called the Szekely. Their ancestors have lived here for over a thousand years. Transylvania only left Austro-Hungarian hands after WWI, something some locals here still resent.

Music and art is a big part of the town, with G Pub, sporting six rooms -- including a collection of radios dating five to eight decades. The G stages local bands, including the 17-year-old kids as part of Tear Gas (who write their songs and sing gruffily in English over brooding rhythms with heavily reverbed Cure-like guitar leads), and an expiremental guitar/violin duo called Amnesia. Tear Gas' artwork adorns one bar here, taken by a teenage girl who last year introduced the town to dreadlocks. On Sunday mornings, intellects and hipster youth heel-click, with urgency, to Casa de Cultura, where they are attending a rehearsal of a theatre piece, performed in Hungarian.

Being here, FBO Admin notices, is like being in an Eastern European or Southeast Asian town shortly after it 'opened up' to the west -- something like stepping into other towns (even a Prague or Ho Chi Minh City) in the early or mid 1990s. People are delighted by your presence, wondering how you knew about their town, and how you decided to spend time here. A chance encounter in a shop leads to an hour-long converstation about politics or horse markets or hockey or clarinets.


--> The FBO sympathizes with the sense of being an 'outsider' enclave amidst a greater, more successful, entity. And hereby adopts Szekelyudvarhely (Odorheiu Secuiesc) as its two-year European headquarters. Based on peformance that status may be renewed in 2008 for another two-year period. Talk has started with Robert Roth, of Herr Travel, about bringing some Failed Bands of Oklahoma to participate in a rock-music festival in 2007. Stay tuned.

Tasks for the Key European Hub will include fostering an open environment for failed bands, spreading awareness for failed bands, as well as hosting FBO events by 2007.

A key goal of the FBO's press-garnering tour of Bulgaria, Romania and Turkey is to find a Key European or Middle Eastern Hub. That task has now been achieved.


FBO Admin
Mobile HQ/European Key Hub -- Szekelyudvarhely (Odorheiu Secuiesc), Romania

PS -- The photos include an abandoned power plant on the road between Szekelyudvarhely (Odorheiu Secuiesc) and Marosvasarhely (Targu Mures); a clock in the town's central square, and the 1781 Hungarian Reformed Church.

FBO: Gives Retroactive 'NOA' to Edward Van Halen

You Got to Roll With the Punches and Get to What's Real

Dutch-born Edward Van Halen's solo in 1983's 'Jump' (the album 1984 actually came out in December 1983... FBO educates as well as entertains...) is probably modern art. Known for finger lifts and show-off rapid-fire solos ('just finger exercises,' Angus Young once said), Eddie knew he was shocking 'die hard' Halen fans with the synth-driven lead-off single 'Jump.'

In the video, moments before the obligatory guitar solo begins, Eddie points a 'coming up' sign with his hand, then flies into his fastest-ever solo, totally at odds with the song, to just 'give something' to the fans.

FBO believes this was done in jest, rather cynically. He used a portion of a song to make a statement.

For this, the FBO awards Eddie Van Halen a NOA*.


FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Targu Mures, Romania

* NOA = Nod of Approval

FBO: 'Seeks Apology from Rolling Stones'

TOO MUCH MOSS

The Rolling Stones have survived Keith Richards' recent tree fall and head surgery, but at 43 (the band, not Keith) you have to wonder how long a band can last before it begins to taint its overall legacy. Ie, can we still appreciate 'Gimme Shelter' after 'Rock and a Hard Place,' 'You Got Me Rocking' and 'Oh No Not You Again.' Lesser bands like Aerosmith are doing a better job at keeping themselves attractive to younger generations. The Stones have subjected their willing, nostalgic public to live albums following tours supporting greatest hits albums, and even live albums from tours supporting live albums. Last year, their 'Rarities' record -- released sofly in Starbucks -- included half-assed songs previously released, and live songs of hit songs. They are, as Dylan once wrote, long 'staking their future from a hell of a past.'

Consider this:

The last good Stones album, with songs showing any durability or any sense of capturing the general public's imagination, was undebatably Tattoo You in 1981. That was 18 years into their career, and now 25 years ago. That means over half of their career hasn't produced a single essential song.

Meanwhile, bands like U2 and even Depeche Mode are producing more consistent work into their third decades.

The FBO calls for the Rolling Stones, supposedly the world's greatest rock'n'roll band, to apologize for 25 years of careless creativity and outright manipulation of their fans.


FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Bucharest, Romania

FBO: 'On the Edge of Success'

With four bands, a couple NOAs to Shakira and Wilco, and some temporary honorary members under our belt, THE FBO IS NEARING ALL-OUT SUCCESS. If you have questions, can offer tips, let us know.


FBO Admin
Mobile HQ - Parmakule, Turkey

Note: The photo was taken atop Mt Tampa near the 'Hollyood' sign in Brasov, Romania. In this case, it is a metaphor. The platform is the 'edge,' and the housing block smear of Brasov's outer districts provides 'success.'

FBO: 'A Helping Hand to the Non-Failed'

TIPS FROM THE SEASONED AND SCARRED

FBO Admin has received countless calls for tips that new bands, aka to-be-failed bands, can refer to. Here's five:

1. Hail to 1:51. All songs, no matter how bad, earn a song length of 1:51. No one can complain that it's 'sucky' or 'drifts without direction' if it's 1:51 or less. At 1:52 a song must earn every second. Consider this before repeating your first verse again just to get the obligatory verse after solo after second-chorus arrangment.
2. Don't talk about yourself, yet. 'Singer-songwriters' -- apparently different than people who write and sing songs -- talk about their problems with mics. Others yell at their parents thru distortion pedals. We don't care. We have problems too. You have to earn your stripes before you can complain about your life. Start complaining about ours, for example. Or sing about crickets attacking three-legged animals.
3. Don't laugh at your own jokes. They're not funny. If Steve misses the bass note AGAIN, who cares? If a lyric has a hidden reference we don't know, don't think it's funny. It's not. And you're pissing us off thinking it is funny. Know those mirrors where things are closer than they appear? It's like that for jokes on stage, but worse.. It seems a lot funnier when you're on stage than to the bored audience watching it.
4. Don't focus on the constructs of your songs. Audiences don't care if you started with a bridge, then went to pre-chorus THEN to verse, then chorus, then did a solo, before going through it in the right order. We couldn't give frack all. Audiences only care if it rocks.
5. Don't put Velvet or any gun part in your band name.


FBO Admin
Mobile HQ: Istanbul, Turkey

FBO: 'Recommends Travel'

SOMETIMES THE OBVIOUS NEEDS TO BE STATED

Recently on the publicity trip for promoting failed bands, FBO Admin watched Matrix III with two French people, a Canadian who had her backpack stolen in Serbia the day before, a Japanese farmer in ennui for abandoning his home, and a young German apologizing for 'how German' the hostel co-owner was. What was striking about the episode -- this weird international mix in a former communist country -- is how unstriking it was. A generation ago, our parents -- most of our parents -- never knew even a Canadian, and now it's relatively normal to watch bad Keanu Reeves movies with failed farmers and angst-ridden youth from former enemies.

FBO Admin has travelled, in the past year, in pre-research and press-garnering trips to Vladivostok, Beijing, Plovdiv, Bogota, Mexico City, San Francisco, Brasov and Mandalay. Guesthouses in all had Chinese soap. This is something new. Two years ago in Bulgaria, notebooks were Bulgarian-made and said 'notebook' in Bulgarian on the cover; these don't exist anymore. Half the signs in Sofia, Bulgaria, meanwhile, are flashy 'Western-style' ads in Roman alphabet, not the Bulgarian-created Cyrillic.

The FBO recognizes this 20-year period -- the crux of the FBO generation, and a setting for massive world change -- is when different things on Romanian hand-tool farms and men-in-skirt sidewalks of Myanmar are becoming more and more the same. We are literally the ones who are living while this is happening.

Why bring this up?

--> The FBO recommends all of its members and fans to travel now. What is 'exotic' now will likely be a lot less so in another decade or more.

Meanwhile, FBO is considering putting Member #004 Asylum's Terry Waska back in the Penalty Box.


FBO Admin
Mobile HQ: Sibiu, Romania

FBO #004's Terry Waska: Out of the Penalty Box

Terry Waska, a member of Failed Bands of Oklahoma Member #004's Asylum, is released from a one-month sentence in the FBO penalty box, in which he could not participate in FBO functions. The sentence was proclaimed, with unanimous acceptance among FBO members and fans, for 'questionable use of state imagery.'

The photograph was taken 25 minutes ago.

Welcome back Terry!

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Sibiu, Romania

FBO:THREE-TIMES THE INSIGHT

THREE FBO REPS OFFER INSIGHT ON OKLAHOMA TRAVEL, FLYER ART & WHAT FUTURE-FAILED BANDS NEED TO DO...

FBO Admin recently had a virtual sit-down talk with David Cantrell of FBO Member #004 Asylum, Jeff Morris of FBO Member #002 The Cant/Cinder Biscuits, and Alan Hiserodt of FBO Member #001 Tall Tales...

FBOA: What was the worst live experience? What happened?
--> DAVID: one of the worst was when we played w/ some skinhead bands @ Theater Tulsa
in 1987 and were pelted w/ full cans of beer by a not-so-friendly contingent of neo nazis. they called us "Jews." then a guy shot himself in the leg in the parking lot so the coppers swarmed in and shut down the show while we were still playing. there were articles in the paper the next day about "skinhead violence" @ local shows.

--> JEFF: Garfields OKC. Manager pulled the plug on us since we were too loud. "What? We Cant hear you over this huge, 3-way PA that we lugged into this little choke-n puke restaurant!" See attached jpg for documentation.
--> ALAN: Was going to play w/ TT in Stillwater, OK at the ??Jam?? ...some party on campus, right near the dorms. During the day I had to play with the Rogers State College jazz band at a Mall in Tulsa. On the way into the gig I slammed my finger in the car door. The thing swelled up like a baseball all day. Went to a clinic where my sister worked, had the nail drilled to let the blood out. Played w/TT that night and flung blood all over my drums the whole set. It throbed the whole time....sucked!!


FBO: Describe your best flyer or album cover.

--> DAVID: one of my favorite flyers was for a show we did @ club nitro. it had a photo of a girl engaged in the fine art of fellatio. the flyer said "DO YOU WANT ONE OF THESE?" then in small type it said you could pick up your own copy of the flyer @ the asylum show.
--> JEFF: t-shirt with Richard Kiel smiling mug shot. See pic.
--> ALAN: The TT flyer with the Baby's head was the best, very disturbing looking. or the Pot Pie cover.


FBO: What advice would you give for active (ie 'to-be-failed') bands in
Oklahoma these days?
--> DAVID: don't be afraid to travel. you might not make any money, but you won't make any money in oklahoma either.
--> JEFF: don't expect to be paid., have fun with it, keep your day job
--> ALAN: Move! or tour constantly.

FBO: If outsiders visit Oklahoma, what is the first thing you'd want to take them to, show them in Oklahoma?
--> DAVID: like to take "outsiders" to oklahoma. my current band Cobra Kai (based in colorado springs) recently went on a mini Oklahoma tour. we played the 66 Bowl in OKC and a club in tulsa. while in tulsa i took my drummer to visit Bob Wills grave and then showed him the freakishness of Oral Roberts. we had a great time. i can make tulsa seem like the greatest place in the world if i'm only in town for the weekend.
--> JEFF: This s a very tough one, here's a list:
a} Okie Noodlin festival in Pauls Valley (www.okienoodling.com), Rattlesnake Roundup (Waynonka and Waurika; http://www.hsus.org/wildlife/issues_facing_wildlife/rattlesnake_roundups/the_truth_behind_rattlesnake_roundups/annual_rattlesnake_roundups_in_the_united_states.html), Stillwell Strawberry Festival, and the Authentic totem pole in Foyil (http://www.legendsofamerica.com/OK-TotemPolePark.html).
--> ALAN: Updates to Bricktown in OKC. OU football game. or a Flaming Lips Show.

Thanks all,

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Bistrita, Romania

Introducing Two-Week Honorary Member: Romania's 'Cop Singer'

--> PLEASE APPLAUD 'COP SINGER'


The FBO believes that boundaries play no part in deciding what failed bands qualify as Failed Bands of Oklahoma material. While the Mobile HQ stopped into Sighisoara, Romania -- on its two-month trip across Romania, to spread awareness of failed bands -- a four-piece, 30-something band rehearsed in a pink-walled club in a medieval town caught their ears/eyes.

Thirty-seven year old Lucian, the club's owner and band drummer, wears a leather jacket and calls his life 'paradise.' The old pink-walled theater on the medieval steps below the castle walls of Sighisoara (the birthplace of Dracula in the 15th century) stages themed disco nights and jam sessions. Mainly he's happy just to have the stage to rehearse in the late afternoon. Playing a few 'old originals from old bands' and some covers by Romanian rock bands like Compact (whose lead singer died in a car accident when a US marine stationed in Romania slammed into the taxi he was driving in -- US authorities got the marine out of the country, and much of Romania grew furious over the lack of trial...).



Lucian named his club after an album by Dream Theater. 'Petrucci [Theater's guitarist], Malmsteen, Satriani, Vai -- they're geniuses.' Unasked, he plugs in an Ibanez V-guitar into the Marshall amp and plays licks as if Nirvana never happened.


Meanwhile, the singer, Flaviu, is a policeman. He holds lyric sheets for cover songs while the keyboard player -- actual mullet -- tries to figure out parts. He explains, 'Being a policeman isn't all that good. This is is the best way to not think about it for awhile,' he laughs.


FBO Admin
FBO Mobile HQ - Sighisoara, Romania

FBO: 'Reminds You to be Thankful'

LET US NOT FORGET WHY OKLAHOMA HAS AMERICA'S GREATEST STATE SHAPE...




Thank you panhandle!

The FBO has contacted a representative of the Hughes-Strong Auditorium of Oklahoma Panhandle State University regarding a potential venue for the first FBO 'revue' performance in the Oklahoma Panhandle.

Stay tuned for updates regarding the show...

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ: Brasov, Romania

America's Best Band Salutes the FBO

UNFAILED MUSIC ANALYSIS FROM THE FBO MOBILE HQ...
American bands are, as experience and truthful observation tells us, far less impressive, important or lasting than British ones. It is hard to find any long-term bands from the US that can remotely rival the legacy of bands like the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, the Clash, even the Who and the Kinks. Not much of an American answer to that -- the Ramones and Beach Boys had their moments, Talking Heads too; once a beacon of hope, REM has all-out sucked for nearly 20 years, Nirvana were too flash-in-the-pan, Aerosmith is just Stones Lite. Metallica fans made a lot of bands, but the band fought free downloads.

It's also interesting to note that the greatest bands of Ireland and Australia -- U2 and AC/DC respectively -- could compete with anyone on anyone's compiled 'great American bands' list.

--> The FBO sees the perplexing under-achievement of American bands (as a whole) as an indication of 'room to move in' for failed bands of Oklahoma, as well as other states.

Anyway, the greatest American band, these days, must be WILCO, who -- in a musical way -- consistently find new ways to make music where musicians listen to the songs (not themselves) and build unique songs with varying parts that reward multiple listens. And Jeff Tweedy's voice -- an update and improvement of Paul Westerberg's -- has belted out many a sorrowful tale worth repeating too. Some of it sounds familiar, but it is all WILCO's. They are super and ever-surprising.

Tweedy's best lyrics come from last year's song 'Late Greats':

"The best band will never get signed... so good, you won't ever know... You can't hear 'em on the radio"

The FBO see this as an endorsement to the practices of the FBO, and of its members. Thanks to Jeff Tweedy and America's best band Wilco. The FBO appreciates the acknowledgment.

Meanwhile, the FBO would like to christen its new FBO's List of Ten Best American Bands (FBO LOTBAB). Listed in chronological order, based on subjective appeal, plus relative importance and influence. Solo acts -- importantly Bob Dylan, Johnny Cash and Bruce Springsteen, but also Bill Joel -- are not elgible for the list.

--> Beach Boys
--> Velvet Underground
--> Creedence Clearwater Revival
--> Ramones
--> Minutemen
--> Sonic Youth
--> Public Enemy
--> Pixies
--> Pavement
--> Wilco

FBO Admin welcomes your comments and editions to the list of Ten Best American Bands.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ: Sinaia, Romania

'Are You FBO Material?'

Curious? Want to be a part of the FBO? Want to be induced to collaborating on records, or join a tour of the Oklahoma panhandle? You're not alone, friend.

Fill out this questionnaire. Perfectly affirmative [ie 'all yes'] results yield elgibility.

--> Did you play in a band?
--> Did the band play at least 51% originals?
--> Did the band begin at least 10 years ago?
--> Did the band quit at least once over the period?
--> Did the band FAIL to procure an outside recording contract from an outside recording label (eg not your own created label)?

Note: it is not necessary to have ever been based, played in, or been to Oklahoma to be elgible for membership in the Failed Bands of Oklahoma. Any induced projects -- eg new songs created by revived failed band -- remains the 100%-controlled content of the failed band itself. If a failed band should snag a recording contract, the band will -- by definition -- removed from the FBO membership status.

The FBO, like a samiritan warning of trolls under the bridge, only wants to help you, in its efforts to garner press coverage of failed bands.


FBO Admin
Mobile HQ: Brasov, Romania

[The photo of two Yakut performers, both are Russian citizens, was taken in 2005 at a festival outside Yakutsk, Russia.]

FBO gives 'NOA' to Ingmar Bergman, Swedish Ambassador

NEWS FROM FBO MOBILE HQ IN BUCHAREST!


--> FILM FESTIVAL ACKNOWLEDGES THE FBO!!! <--

The opening day of Bucharest, Romania's first-ever Ingmar Bergman Film Festival kicked off with the 1978 film 'Autumn Sonata,' which is introduced by a periphery character who proclaims he'd 'love nothing else but to tell [his wife] he whole-heartedly loves her' but he can't because he can't 'find the words.' The film, in which Liv Ullman and Ingrid Bergman play embattled heavyweights (daughter-mother) who ruthlessly tear apart the semblance of family fabric, features a piano scene played by a professional and an amateur.

FBO Admin, who was invited to attend the event, would like to proclaim a conjunctive NOA (Nod of Approval) to Swedish Ambassador to Romania Svante Kilander who sponsored the event AND to Ingmar Bergman for starting his music-tinged movie of failure and missed opportunities with a secondary character who lacked the means to convey his message.

--> The FBO see the film as a precursor to the goals of the FBO. The FBO also see Mr Kilander's starting the festival as a direct acknowledgment of the FBO's efforts.

Beforehand, Mr Kilander -- in a blue suit -- spoke in English to the mix-match crowd of Romanian intellects (some 60-year-old pony tails, '80s shades, fuzzy Parisian hats, chatting 20-somthing couples -- all of whom watched the 100-minute film by reading subtitles in ENGLISH). Mr Kilander said, 'I hope with this film you find some new aspects, outlooks of life... what it is to be human.' He added 'It is of course a Swedish film, but Bergman himself isn't just a Swede, but a great artist of the world who happens to have Swedish citizenship.'

Shortly thereafter a 70-year-old woman apologised to FBO Admin for the size of her fuzzy hat.

In addition to Mr Kilander's sentiments, The Failed Bands of Oklahoma also believe the FBO's goals transpire borders and time zones, in its efforts to garner press coverage of failed bands.

The FBO's first-induced EP is done. More recordings are on the way!


FBO Admin
Mobile HQ: Bucharest, Romania

Introducing FBO #004: ASYLUM

THIS BAND FAILED

The FBO knows it's a crime, but Tulsa's rock-hard Asylum were never signed, and subsequently 'failed.' The band played from 1985 to 1991, then got back together briefly for a revived fling in 1993. That was when drummer Dave Hedberg popped off to Austin suddenly, and the band (David Cantrell on vocals, Terry Waska on lead and rhythm bass, Stacy Lane on guitar) struggled to find a permanent replacement. Stacy and Dave went on to Bunnies of Doom, Terry to Pit Bulls on Crack. Other drummers included Derek Sanders, the great Alex Smith, Jody Ake and, as Terry Waska says, 'some guy named Brian I think.'

INTERVIEW WITH ASYLUM's TERRY WASKA

FBO: Best Asylum show?
TERRY WASKA: This has to be during our brief reunion period when we opened for power pussy rock sensations EXTREME!! During our set they came to the side of the stage, scowling at us with their fret-shreddin’ arms crossed and asked the stage manager when we were going to be done. We were told that the comment was in obvious disapproval of our music. Then they gave us 15 minutes to pack our shit and get out of the backstage area, which we did. Unfortunately, the case of beer (our pay for the night) was backstage. The local crew wound up drinking it. No doubt in praise of our rock power.
2) The big acid jam at TuCCA was pretty cool too.
3) With Tall Tales in Mannford, OK
OK, I really don’t remember much about that gig, I was just sucking up.

What were the songs about in general?
They were all about our admiration of Extreme.

Ever write something and think 'this is it! this will break us' -- what was it, what happened to it?
Nothing in particular that we just knew would launch us to stardom. One song that did catch on was “No Way Out”. We used to get rotation charts from indie and public access radio stations around the country with that song somewhere at the top. Unfortunately U2 came out with “Bullet the Blue Sky” right after we released it and the two sounded disturbingly similar. “Nuno Opus # 6” was a good one too.

When was the last time you all played together?
It may have been that Extreme gig.

Why do you hate the Oklahoma Panhandle? What happened there?
It’s a long story, but it starts with being pulled over because the cop couldn’t see the dealers tag in the rear window, and ends with my wife going to jail for rolling papers and a fat rookie with a shotgun telling my son that his parents were druggies and he was going to become a ward of the state, and it would be 6 months if we’re lucky to be reunited, if at all. Fuck “Red Carpet Country”. I suggest renaming it “Redneck Carpet Country”.

What are your favorite state/country shapes?
The Hawaiian Islands are fun – they look like the little pearly trail I left on my belly last night.... [FBO Note: Terry Waska has been placed in the FBO Penalty Box for one month for this comment. He is unable to partake in FBO events until after that period.] Is that too much information?

There's never too much information at the FBO, only penalty-inducing information... Why did Asylum break up?
Stacy and Dave were two-timing me with Bunnies of Doom, so like a jilted lover I left and played with myself for a while.

What was the closest you were to crying on stage?
We played with a Christian band at Club Nitro. Our drummer walked up to these freaked out looking culture shocked Christian rockers and informed them that the fine for jacking off on stage was only $5 more than the fine for jacking off back stage, so fuck it – he’d pay the extra $5. I laughed so hard I cried.

How do you see Asylum differently now than you did in 1986 or so?
Much less bitter these days about the small audience sizes.

Thanks Terry, and welcome to the FBO Asylum!

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ: Bucharest, Romania

TALL TALES (FBO #001) releases first FBO-produced EP, celebrates with drinks

TALL TALES' first live album -- 'LIVE in a Place in Oklahoma' -- is out. The double B-side single of 'The Falkon Flies (Dies)' also features the songs 'Dicks' and 'A Place in Oklahoma.' It was recorded LIVE at Zapata's Cafe & Cantina in Altus, Oklahoma, on December 22, 2005.

--> Please go download the live album and offer us your reviews.

Any FBO member -- or future member -- who would like help promoting a 'FBO induced' album is welcome to do so in this forum. We will post it, try to garner press coverage, you will keep any proceeds. The copyright remains the artist's.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

'LIVE in a Place in Oklahoma' Track listing:


THE FALKON FLIES (DIES) (2:44)
DICKS (1:57)
A PLACE IN OKLAHOMA (3:20)

'THE FALKON FLIES (DIES)' is a testament to truth. In the song, the band – attacked by a wild 'falkon' – is hurt and afraid. The 'falkon' is winged and prehistoric, and has no respect for living with others peacefully. After fending off attacks with a spear, the 'falkon' is finally killed by a bazooka, but not until after members of the band lose arms, ears and noses. The only intact part of them is their sight and their voice. The song was written on a plane.

'DICKS' is another testament to truth. It is a soundbyte from a composed, then discarded, EP-length song called 'Song about the United States of America.' The song, at 20:05, was to be played live in 2005 with a (shown) timer that stopped, with the song, at the 20-minute, five-second mark. These plans were also discarded.

'A PLACE IN OKLAHOMA' is another testament to truth. It is a song about Tall Tales in 2005 and 2006 talking about what it's like to be Tall Tales in 2005 and 2006. More loosely, it is a concession to mediocrity and lack of success.

Tall Tales is Dan Fallis (vocals, accordion), Rob Reid (guitar, backing vocals), Alan Hiserodt (drums), Gregg Dobbs (guitar), Mitch Newlin (bass).

copyright 2006, Sprockett Records, Norman, Oklahoma

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Thanks to Tall Tales!

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ: Bucharest, Romania

Introducing FBO #003: SOUL SHAKER

THIS BAND FAILED

The Failed Bands of Oklahoma, as promised, is growing. Originally inspired by cereal and Nazareth, Norman's SOUL SHAKER has become FBO Member #003. The band -- made of various lineups (including James Lambeth, Ty Kamm, Matt Babich, Danny Blunck and later Steve Miller and Barry Zimmerman) -- played from 1989 to 1993. It had its turbulations. 'Steve and James quit,' Ty Kamm told us, 'Because they couldn't get along... ironically they later formed Green Dream together which became Soma Holiday.' They now live in different continents.

--> INTERVIEW WITH TY KAMM <--

FBO:Where did the name Soul Shaker come from?
TK: Matt had a sticker (that he got from a cereal box) on his first bass amp that read "Soul Shaker" in a real cheesy font. We thought it was funny, so we went with it. Plus they said soul shaker in a Nazareth song and a Cult song.

Why did the band fail?
Because we had one of the worst band names ever (I tried to change it several times and was out-voted) and at times we just plain sucked.

What was the best Soul Shaker show?
Man, that's a tough one. Probably the "Charlie Watts Night(s)" with Tall Tales & Cinder Biscuits at Kelly's in Norman.

What was the closest moment you all were to succeeding?
The closest we came was when we changed our name to Klipspringer after having been Nowhere Band for one gig and Lotion for 2 or 3 gigs.


Welcome to Ty Kamm and all the member of Soul Shaker. The FBO looks forward to future collaborations in the efforts to garner press coverage for each other.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ: Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Failed Bands are Universal'

FBO Admin member Robert Reid talks about the first FBO Press Trip (a month-long stint in Bulgaria) to garner press coverage for the FBO. Click the following to hear the previously recorded conference:

Failed bands are indeed universal. The one pictured here was spotted in a Berlin mall in 2003.


FBO Admin
Mobile HQ: Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'We're Not Alone'

We're not the only ones with eyes on the Oklahoma Panhandle!!!

Next month, OU professor Richard Lowitt will be releasing his book American Outback: The Oklahoma Panhandle in the Twentieth Century (Texas Tech University Press). See the press release. We encourage you to purchase the book, read it, and comment on it to Texas Tech and the FBO. We're happily applaud the subject of Mr Lowitt's work, and will happily pick up the reigns with our 'Oklahoma Panhandle in the Twenty-first Century' tour in early fall.

--> Stay tuned for an FBO review of the book in mid to late spring. We will also try to contact Mr Lowitt for an interview and advice on panhandle 'hot spots'.

Mobile HQ has taken a break from Bulgaria, but will be back in Eastern Europe late next week on the second leg of the FBO 'publicity tour'. Meanwhile, failed-band Soul Shaker has been sent a formal invitation to the FBO, and should hopefully join in the next few weeks. The FBO also has contacted successful Romanian-twin pop group Cheeky Girls for interviews and tips on how to garner press coverage for the FBO.

FBO Member #001 has completed its three-song live EP 'LIVE IN OKLAHOMA,' which should be available for free download on its revamped website by March 14.



FBO Admin
Mobile HQ: Brooklyn, New York

Attempts to reach AZIS: 'unsuccessful'

In November 2005, Bulgarian asteroid spotters found a new one and promptly named it for AZIS, a roaringly androgynous 'gypsy singer' that has captivated, and antagonized, Bulgarian audiences this decade. This evening, as Bulgaria tips off its Martenitsa celebration*, FBO Admin squirmed its way into Sofia's VIAD Club -- through a hierarchy of black-suited security (one, quite unprompted, told FBO Admin's future: 'you well have a very good year, though the summer may be a bit rocky'), a manager in a acid-washed leather jacket, and a gold-chain balding goon. FBO Admin, with assistance of Mr Assen of Sofia, waited from midnight to 1.05am for Azis to arrive to discuss failed bands, and ways to garner press for them. The manager confided, 'Azis is a very strange man... it's totally up to him if you can get an interview.'

Azis' music chalga, or 'folk pop' music, is known for borrowed melodies -- often Indian-sounding by way of Serbia and Turkey -- and also for its dumb lyrics (tonight's sample: 'we win, we lose... either way we get drunk, we're Bulgarians!'). Many many Bulgarians have bitterly complained about it with FBO Admin, yet it remains the nation's most popular music. Tonight's warm-up performance played for a 20% capacity audience, in a pillared basement club with adjoining brothel named 'AMAZONE.' Around the five-inch high stage women strolled in 'belly dancer' outfits, while the leopard-skin attired singer and totally bored bass player slouching on a chair joined an ambitious synth player. It was hard to tell who did/didn't work for the club, as scantily clad women beckoned would-be clients into Amazone, and men in ties walked briskly on the marble entry tiles as purple strobes flashed. Heavily synthesized beats raged, and more heels clicked marble, and it became clear to FBO Admin and Mr Assen of Sofia that Azis' appearance was getting later and later, and likelihood of FBO contact smaller and smaller. Concession to defeat was made at 1.05am. Apologies to FBO Members and FBO fans.

In other news, FBO Admin conscripted a new Sofia band, tentatively entitled OHIO SUKKERS to 'write lyrics,' 'make a photo,' and 'plan a stage show (perhaps with puppets).' One member promised to have something by March 10 to debut on the FBO website.


FBO Admin
Mobile HQ: Sofia, Bulgaria

* In March, Bulgarians exchange bits of red-and-white yarn, often made into figures, to friends and family, who must wear them until they see a stork and then tie it onto a tree. Stork shortages around Bulgaria are creating intense anxiety this March.