FBO: 'Bass Bank: Mike Levine'

THE RAY MANZAREK OF BASS PLAYERS, WITH HOCKEY JERSEY

In terms of blindly exaggerated sense of self importance, eternally moustached Mike Levine of Triumph deserves a special place in the Failed Bands of Oklahoma Bass Bank. The Canadian three-piece doesn't well wear over time -- their songs seem firmly stuck in the hard/pop rock shlock of the the mid '80s; Rolling Stone once called them "mutant hoseheads," and the bands two original members Mike and drummer Gil Moore eventually wrestled control from the one member (golden-haired guitarist/vocalist Rik Emmett) who made their only memorable songs ("Lay it On the Line," "Magic Power" etc). Best off, Mike -- the only member who didn't sing lead -- likes to take credit for it all, a la Manzarek of the Doors.

Apparently Mike, who often wore a hockey jersey on stage, had been playing for six months with Gil in a "hootchie cootchie" band when he felt enough was enough. "I checked my bass at the door. I said I was leaving unless he wanted to do something special. I said, 'Gil, there is a market for a special kind of band and I think we could do something cool.' We found Rik and away we went." If only more failed bands had thought of that.

Mike also claims that he produced "anything that says Triumph on it" even though it was frequently credited to an actual producer. Mike also claims that he -- the bass player -- picked whether Gil or Rik would sing a song. "Rik would sing the softer or wimpier stuff and Gil would sing the tougher stuff."

One wonders if Levine was behind the decision, in 1984, to (originally) release the album "Thunder Seven" on CD only -- at a time when very few listeners had CD players.

Rik has claimed the reason he left was a "lack of trust" of Gil and Mike, who insisted on joint songwriting credits of his songs, including classical guitar compositions.

It's worth repeating. Triumph is not a very good band. Gil describes their sound as the "cross of the Who and Emerson, Lake and Palmer" -- this is NOT an area that anyone needs to travel in. When Rik left the band, Levine engineered bringing in a faceless guitarist from Aldo Nova to replace him, and let a new keyboard player sing Rik's songs. Sales suffered, to the point of nonexistence in the USA.

Presently Rik is in the studio recording and has invited Gil (not Mike) to help out.


--> Mike Levine, we just want to thank you.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

**From March 22 to April 5, FBO is celebrating the forgotten, overlooked, abused or under-utilized bass by noting a handful of bass players you should know about.**

FBO: 'Bass Bank: Steve P Harris'

THE MAN WHO PICKED HEAVY METAL OVER SOCCER

In the movie Wild One, Marlon Brando’s character is asked ‘what are you rebelling against?’ and he replies ‘what’ve you got?’ You can imagine a similar mode of thought going on in the mind of Steve Harris, London-born bass player for Iron Maiden. He turned down a try-out of his beloved soccer team West Ham at 14 (‘they want you in bed early and all that stuff,’ he says), chose bass over guitar, formed a band, named the band Iron Maiden (from a torture contraption he saw in a movie) and started writing all their songs. For subject matter, Steve is consistent – replicating the sound of machine guns, replaying the Charge of the Light Brade in the Crimean War under his galloping bass line that the guitarists follow (‘The Trooper’), telling both sides of the American Indian wars (‘Run to the Hills’), creating instrumentals to sound like Genghis Khan. His 13-minute ‘Rime of the Ancient Mariner’ may be the only ode to Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s 18th-century poem that takes longer to witness than reading the original.

Whatever anyone's 'got' that's supernatural, horrific or violent is up for grabs, Steve - like a wild one - will take them on.

What you may not know about Iron Maiden:

* Their first two albums (‘Iron Maiden’ – featuring the eponymous single on the eponymous album; we love that – and ‘Killers’) is more bar-chordy and rock’n’roll at times, with the lead singer Paul Di’Anno’s more Bon Scotty growl than the high-pitched wails of Bruce Dickinson. Paul left the band after ‘Killers’ in 1981 (for a solo career with highly questionable album covers). Steve was part of the reason. "It's like having Mussolini and Adolph Hitler run your band. Because it is [band manager] Rod Smallwood and Steve Harris and that's it. There can't be anyone else and my character is too strong for that so me an' Steve was always fighting".

* FBO Member Terry Waska is a huge fan (OK, you probably knew this). He explains why Steve Harris is one of his favorites: "Because he’s got that move where he puts his foot up on the monitor and points his bass at the audience like a gun. If only I had a cool move. I came up with one I called 'The Thermometer', but I think it kinda freaked people out."

--> Steve Harris, we just want to thank you.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY



**From March 22 to April 5, FBO is celebrating the forgotten, overlooked, abused or under-utilized bass by noting a handful of bass players you should know about.**

FBO: 'Bass Bank: John Deacon'

GREATEST OPENING LYRIC, GREATEST BASS RIFF -- WITH WIFE!?

You could have a sporting event without Queen's anthems -- 'We Will Rock You,' 'We Are the Champions' or 'We Want to Break Free' (with the prompter showing the band in drag) -- but it wouldn't be any fun. Either way, you couldn't have Queen without John Deacon, the bass player.

A man of mystery, John Deacon -- the last one most think of when they think of Queen, which is usually often -- wrote their biggest song, 'Another One Bites the Dust' built off a deceptively catchy but barebone-simple bass line. He's equally understated D-D-D-DDD-A line that anchors the remarkable song 'Under Pressure' (with David Bowie) is likely the music world's greatest bass riff.

Not gay (he has six kids and a wife), John deserves extra praise for the lyrics of 'Bites the Dust' -- which appears to be the gayest song ever recorded. It also features the best first word in a song lyric OF ALL TIME: 'Steve.'

'Steve walks warily down the street.'

Read and re-read that line. It is impossible to think of a way to describe motion that is more clunky and offers less aesthetically pleasing cadence than 'warily.' It's hard to say, much less sing.

For a guy most people don't notice, he created:

1) a supergroup's most successful single
2) the world's best bass riff
3) the world's best opening lyric
4) the most deliberately self-sabotaging lyric in terms of cadence and awkwardness

John originally played guitar then 'switched over.'

--> John Deacon, we just want to thank you.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY


**From March 22 to April 5, FBO is celebrating the forgotten, overlooked, abused or under-utilized bass by noting a handful of bass players you should know about.**

FBO: 'Bass Bank: Phil Chen'

THE KING OF DISCO (AND ALMOST A DOOR)

The creeping octave rise up the bass neck -- the backbone of disco. We all secretly love it and know that, in the end, the best one you've ever heard is on Rod Stewart's 'Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?' Who did it, you wonder? A JAMAICAN. A Jamaican of Chinese ethnicity named Mr Phil Chen.

Phil Chen has had a busy career working with people, including work with Bob Marley, Jeff Beck, Pete Townshend, Keith Richards and the Eurythmics. When the Jim-less Doors searched for their identity, and reformed in 1973 as the Butts Band, they brought in a bass player -- finally! -- and got Phil Chen. He says finding a groove is something that can't be learned; it just 'oozes out.' Chen says, 'It's like when you meet a girl and you have something intangible, you don't have to talk.'

--> Phil Chen, we just want to thank you.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

**From March 22 to April 5, FBO is celebrating the forgotten, overlooked, abused or under-utilized bass by noting a handful of bass players you should know about.**

FBO: 'Bass Bank: Paul Simonon'

A HERO FOR ALL BASS PLAYERS

Not one bass player out there -- be it Bootsy, Flea or Geddy -- doesn't envy the Clash's Paul Simonon for immortalizing the oft-forgotten role of the four-string plucker on the cover of one of the rock world's greatest albums London Calling. That the shot immortalizes the last seconds of a bass player's best bass (Simonon would regret not using the back-up) can be forgiven -- that a bass, and a bass player (even a faceless one) gets such focus is something the FBO heartedly backs.

Akin to an often bass tradition, Simonon was taught bass by a guitarist (Mick Jones of the Clash), but obviously went way beyond the 'put your finger there' type bass playing, as he put the reggae backbone to many Clash songs. He grew up as a football hooligan in Brixton, London (he'd later write and sing 'Guns of Brixton' on London Calling). That brash background, not to mention his looks (apparently Playgirl magazine once called him the 'hunkiest man'), certainly went a long way to help the Clash cause.

The cover shot -- photographed by Pennie Smith at a 1979 show in New York -- actually features Joe Strummer faintly in the back ground, but the focus is purely on the soon-to-die bass. Simonon later explained,"The show had gone quite well,but for me inside, it just wasn't working well, so I suppose I took it out on the bass." Simonon still has the pieces.

The only other album that FBO HQ can think of that so prominently features a lone member on a cover that's not a 'front man' or principal songwriter is the Rolling Stones' Get Your Ya-Ya's Out, with drummer Charlie Watts jumping with guitars in hand and a drum-toting mule behind him. Both album covers in question easily rank in the Top 20 best covers of all time.

--> Paul Simonon, we just want to thank you.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY


**From March 22 to April 5, FBO is celebrating the forgotten, overlooked, abused or under-utilized bass by noting a handful of bass players you should know about.**

FBO: 'Launched! Two Weeks of the Bass'

Watching the Shins on Saturday Night Live recently, FBO Admin found it charming how disproportionately 'into' the fairly unimpactful rhythms the bass player was. Bending his knees on the quarter notes -- like Blondie's bass player used to do -- but with a bit more intensity, he was the only one moving onstage. The songs -- fairly whiny testaments to discontent -- are enwrapped in the lead singer, certainly not the bmm-bmm-baa-bmmm bass patterns. We applaud this man.

Often in indie rock -- aka college-grad white rock with no hopes of the Top 40 -- we see the bass as the most mistreated instrument. Bass players are often last-second additions, people who've never played before, content to just hit the half notes that the guitar player points out on the fretboard. In recent years, some indie bands -- White Stripes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, the Kills, Black Keys, many others -- have paid the ultimate diss to our four-stringed friend: by not including it. A trend both disturbing and wrong.

This week FBO launches 'Two Weeks of the Bass' (beginning March 22 and lasting through April 5) which will include every other day an overview a bass player of our past worth knowing.

In other news, the FBO's adopted Trabant has been spotted at several places in a press-garnering trip to Bulgaria. Check back in a couple days for a couple real-live Trabant photos.


FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Sofia, Bulgaria

FBO: 'Finding Trabant'

In 2006, the FBO adopted the East German TRABANT, a car originally intended to be a motorcycle and made of a 'cardboard-like' substance that, on occasion, rats like to eat. On a recent press-garnering trip to Bulgaria, FBO Admin spotted many chugging alongside BMWs, VWs and Mercedes Benz cars on Sofia's streets. This one was parked:



Now back to Bass Bi-Week...

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Arcade Fire Takes America'

MONTREAL BAND WINS FBO'S CITIZEN-KANE AWARD*
The New York Times have devoted more column inches to the new Arcade Fire album Neon Bible than a handful of civil wars. Twice their Arts section has talked up the (mostly) Montrealian band, and once the NYT magazine covered the Fire. New York magazine and New Yorker, meanwhile, put positive words in, and the Rolling Stone of indie rock Pitchfork (www.pitchforkmedia.com) called it 'large enough to take on the whole world.'

It will be easy for many of us to dismiss it on these grounds alone, but it's actually worth the attention.

Much of the reviews, and talk, however, will discuss the one-line from the song 'Windowsill' -- where the lyrics weave around the line 'I don't want to live in my father's house no more,' until the slightly voice-raised substitution that we know is coming: 'I don't want to live in America no more.' (The lead vocalist is a Texan who moved to Canada.) The line is unfortunate. It's a far more obvious, more direct line than the Fire normally go far, something more fitting of a far lesser band -- say Nickleback or the Dixie Chicks. Still, it's easy to imagine doting crowds waiting and breathlessly poising themselves to cheer it, as Dylan fans once instantly erupted when the memorized lyrics -- 'even the president of the Untied States must sometimes stand naked!' -- came up in a 1974 live recording of 'It's Alright Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)' just after Richard Nixon's resignation.

The one-line bonanza of press is reminiscent of last year when the Rolling Stones got more press than a couple civil wars, a World Cup and a mudslide killing 260 people over their absolutely horrible song 'Sweet Neo Con,' which they thinly denied was about George W Bush. Everyone -- from CNN to Yahoo.com to USA Today -- took the bait and discussed the political diss. (No one bothered to note that the light reggae with made-up-lyrics-at-the-mic was one of the worst recorded songs in the past three decades.)

So don't get to uppity over the press love. That the AF is overhyped, and discussed for a rather sophomoric slip on an otherwise remarkable album, is not necessarily their fault. Go with tracks 1, 2 and 10 for a 'sampler.' Then download beyond as you like.

The Failed Bands of Oklahoma gives the Arcade Fire a four-fingered high five.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

* The Citizen-Kane Award is awarded to artistic output and travel destinations that meet their seemingly impossibly justified hype or acclaim. Italy, for example, has long earned its CKA for being a travel destination that constantly earns its stripes. The Arcade Fire win a tentative 'Citizen-Kane Award' for the next month.

FBO: 'Releases Adopted Zones Map'

FEELIN' FRISKY, FEELIN' CARTOGRAPHIC
It's hard to keep track of the geographical entities that the FBO is adopting. Hence, this: the newly created FBO Adopted Zones Map. We'll update it here from time to time, but feel to print out and update on your own as new places are adopted in the months to come.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Locates New Slogan'

ROBERT REID FINDS FBO SLOGAN FROM SOVIET FILM
This is it:

'He who comes to us as a guest, let him come with no reservation.'

-- Aleksandr Nevksi, in Sergei Eisenstein's film Alexander Nevski (1938)

The 1938 black-and-white film is generally considered a propaganda film for the USSR, with the hero Nevski making the afore-mentioned dictum in a fiery, patriotic 'Russia lives!' speech. We can do without the rest, but find this sentiment neatly matching our own at the FBO. So previously banned states and bands can certainly find a home here if THEY ask to be here. It will be taken as an admission of guilt, and an apology. And an apology we accept.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Three Pack'

ONE: Connecticut Classic
Connecticut is in! By a slim, riveting 2-1-1 count (two for Connecticut, one against, one for muffins), Connecticut's open-vote has tipped toward adopting the enigmatically nicknamed 'Constitution State.' A digital letter will go to two or three sources in Connecticut later this week, with all responses posted on the FBO.

TWO: And the Bio/Remake Ban Continues
Anyone doubting the FBO's efforts to 'up the ante' in the entertainment field -- by asking for apologies for declining effort (the Rolling Stones), or the tendency to rehash familiar/recycled content in movies (Superman Returns and dozens more) -- need only look a the big awards of the Oscars the past two years:

This year:

Movie: 'The Departed' (a remake of the Hong Kong film 'Internal Affairs')
Actor: Forrest Whitaker, 'The Last King of Scotland' (bio of Uganda leader Idi Amin)
Actress: Helen Mirren, 'The Queen' (Queen Elizabeth bio)

Last year:

Movie: 'Crash' (no problem, other than it being not that good)
Actor: Philip Seymour Hoffman, 'Capote' (bio of Truman Capote)
Actress: Reece Whitherspoon, 'Cash' (played June Carter in bio of Johnny and June)

Five of six are based in performances of known figures or remakes of films.

THREE: Basketball is the Cricket of the USA
We all know how basketball games slip into foul-and-hope sloppy endings, where the last 40 seconds take 15 minutes and usually not with a favorable result for the hand-slapping team trying to gain a late lead. It's ugly, but it's not why basketball is flawed. And the sport is flawed.

Sports like hockey, baseball and basketball play games nearly daily -- so many in a season that it can be safely said that NO SINGLE GAME matters. Even in the playoffs, a team can be dull a couple games, but right themselves by the end of a five- or seven-game series. That's a problem.

But where basketball is worse, is that -- unlike hockey or baseball -- NO SCORE matters either. Enigmatically fans call for higher scoring games -- ?? -- and some rules have been adjusted for that. When no game or no score matters, it must leave the fans wonder about their involvement: sit and watch and buy Cokes. It's a beautiful game to see at times, particularly in person, but loses steam as no play really matters after 40 layups, nine dunks, 29 jumpers, and 21 free throws. Can you imagine hockey games that finish 52-38? Or soccer games wrapping up at 62-41? No one would ever yell 'gooooooooooooaaaaaaaallllllll' again.

The only thing harder to stomach is cricket -- with several days of matches -- but at least they get to carry funny sticks.

The FBO places all basketball leagues -- even youth leagues -- on probation for one week. Pick-up basketball is OK.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Searching for Member 005... in Kansas'

ARE YOU CHRIS MOGENSON?

An anonymous FBO fan has alerted us of a potential FBO member 005 in Kansas. Previously failed bands in Kansas have launched a number of 'guerrilla' attacks on the FBO site, mostly in the form of indefensible defense for the Byrds. Perhaps Mr Mogenson represents a rival contingent of Kansan failed bands that have pitted their efforts against the FBO?

The photograph, purportedly of Mr Mogenson, was obtained via KU Sports (Kansas University Sports).

The anonymous FBO fan writes:

[You need to] locate Chris Mogenson, front man for Rabid Fetus. The Lindsborg, KS quartet released 1 six song LP, “Cajun Justice” in 1989, before going their separate ways. They were a fairly heavy punk outfit but with some melody…Husker idolizers. I remember songs such as “Retards Must Eat” and “Afterbirth Casserole.” Definitely a failed band. Chris is a rabid Jayhawk football and Stones fanatic. I suspect he’s in the Lawrence area...

The FBO remains open to conversation with Mr Mogenson, or any member of Rabid Fetus, for possible membership to the FBO. And perhaps his closeness with the Stone will help us gain an apology from the band for over two decades of mediocrity (as the FBO asked for last year...)

Meanwhile, the ban-or-endorse Connecticut vote will end on Sunday.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Necticut = Stitution'

IS IT MUFFINS FOR ALL OR NO ONE?
This week the FBO will enact an order regarding its relationship with Connecticut: either adopting the state or banning it for the life of the FBO. It needs your help to know which is the proper course of action.

In the extended PRESIDENT'S DAY WEEKEND, a curious holiday devoted to a single president (but never explained which), FBO Admin celebrated by a visit to 'upstate New York' and made a short, unexpected sojourn across Connecticut state lines. FBO Admin, a novice at Connecticut tourism, asked a few locals about its nickname and had a coffee at an original Connecticut Muffin, a bizarre chain with many New York City locations. No one knew why Connecticut was called the 'Constitution State' -- one suggested turbidly 'because of the founding fathers.'

Delaware was the first state to ratify the US Constitution (meaning, if you think of it, the country was initially 'the United State of America'). The USA's fifth state, Connecticut, did not author the constitution, nor did a Connecticut politician 'chip in.'

Based on selfless research at FBO HQ, it's been determined that Connecticut's nickname actually refers to a 1638 constitution -- more accurately, the 'Fundamental Orders of Connecticut' -- which has been replaced several times. Some claim it to be the 'first constitution' in North America, yet the original Orders (see link) never mention the word 'constitution.' Nevertheless, in 1959, when Connecticut -- the country's richest state -- found itself without a suitable nickname (an alternate remains 'nutmeg state'), they desperately grabbed at a FAILED DOCUMENT that pre-dated its history as a state by 140 years and named it for a word that it did NOT itself claim to be: a constitution.

--> Similar reasoning suggests that Italy is the 'birthplace of aviation,' as Leonardo de Vinci's failed attempts at flight in the 16th century (winged ornithopters) were later validated by successful flights by the likes of the Ohioan Wright Brothers in 1903...

The tenacity of Connecticut's move, however, is to be admired. And its nod to a noble failure is another thing we at the FBO hold dear. Still there are aspects -- a lack of any creativity, or insight, for example -- that makes us as FBO HQ pause.

To solve the problem, the FBO asks you to decide. A vote through this week is being held for failed-bands' fans to determine. Please vote for one of the following:

a) Connecticut should be banned from FBO events, and sent an explanatory note
b) Connecticut should be adopted by the FBO, and sent a note of congratulations

The option of no action is not in question. A note of some sort will be sent to Connecticut from the Failed Bands of Oklahoma.


Thank you,

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

PS -- FBO fan Thomas Caw of West Hartford will be exempt from any negative repercussions of the vote, and possibliy benefit from positive ones.

FBO: 'TV Shows Put on Watch List'

THE FBO IS FURIOUS!

The main reason why TV shows ultimately fail is the drive for viewer-manipulation and ad dollars. Story lines are stretched out to justify extra seasons; characters switch personalities to allow new rubs and conflicts. There's no integrity left to 'the story'. Only ways to keep the show rolling. Often writers of hits are culled to other, higher-paying gigs and work suffers.

Consider movies. Many people rank Francis Ford Coppola's three-hour The Godfather and three-hour The Godfather II as their favorites -- certainly Al Pacino gives an all-too-rare understated (not yelling all the time) performance. But even this two-fer classic couldn't sustain a third. Coppola's three-hour The Godfather III may be the worst sequel in history -- like a videotape of a let's-be-nice reunion where nothing really happens other than someone gets shot on the steps. If The Godfather can't stretch a story -- remember, that's why we're here, for a story -- to nine hours, why could something like supposedly 'deeper' and more 'thought-provoking' TV shows like Lost, Alias, 24 Hours or now-declining Battlestar Galactica?

--> Lost has run 43 HOURS OF SHOWS and still not given any glimpse -- I hear -- of where it's going, an explanation to the mystery of the island. Have you ever watched a 43-hour movie, or read a 26,000-page book, that has taken longer to get around to The Point?

Other than sit-coms or the tiresome trend of medical and police shows (how about a dentist show for a change?), TV shows should be limited to one or (max) two seasons, as often happens with the BBC. This is an acceptable (albeit excessive: about 18 hours per a season of 'hour-long' shows!) time frame to play out a story. Shows that go beyond that should refund viewers some of the advertising dollars. The FBO also asks for a public apology.

Seeking entertainment integrity for failed-bands and failed-bands' fans,


FBO Admin,
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

PS - Valentine's Day is for wussies.

FBO: 'Free Online Guidebook to Vietnam'

FBO-INDUCED PROJECTS GO TRAVEL
FBO-induced projects are not limited to making music, videos and garnering press coverage for failed bands of most states and provinces.

Member of FBO #001 Tall Tales, Robert Reid, has created a free online guidebook to Vietnam -- well the south of Vietnam, for now -- that is rolling out to the waiting hands of a dozen or more enthused travelers.

A few questions for Robert Reid:

Why a guidebook online?
I've been writing travel guidebooks for over three years now. It's fun, but it takes way too long to get your observations into a book people can access. I was in Bulgaria a year ago now, and Romania in March last year. The hotels and restaurants and bus info I found won't be released for a few more weeks -- even longer for Romania. I visited Vietnam in November and a couple months later, here's the guide.

Do Vietnamese people hate Americans?
Not remotely. It's hard to think of a place where I've been more warmly received than Vietnam. They've had two wars since the Americans pulled out of Saigon in the mid 1970s -- they fought Pol Pot and China. So the 'American War' is three wars old. Also the Vietnamese seem less likely to dwell on the past. The Soviets were their pals for years after the Americans left, the USSR put a lot of money into Vietnam -- and the many Vietnamese can't stand them.

What's best about visiting Vietnam?
If you've ever had Vietnamese food, well you haven't had good Vietnamese food -- unless you've gone there, or have a Vietnamese grandma. Most places don't have refrigerators so everything's that-day fresh. The fruit is scary to look at -- some have thick wavy skins of purple, others spiked in lemon-lime. If something like that falls on you it'll do more damage than an apple. Vietnam is one of the rare places where staring is practically a national past-time. Interested in what the bloke is doing? LOOK AND SEE. No need to avert your gaze if he looks over. So it's fun to set up on a sidewalk cafe -- often just some tiny plastic stools -- and have iced coffee and watch street vendors pushing carts of dried squid right into the nonstop parade of motorcycles weaving around each other and ignoring lanes (or one-way directions). Also, the Mekong Delta is about the friendliest place on earth.

Access the site at www.reidontravel.com.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Post-failed Leader of Klipspringer, Ty Edward Kamm, Chats About New Record'

Klipspringer celebrates its fourth album Everybody Kisses Differently with a CD-release party at the Deli in Norman on February 16.

FBO: What's going on in your new promo photo, with the goggles?
TY: Flying High Again! (gain...gain). Alan [Hiserodt] found some welder's goggles on sale at Home Depot and we went Devo (again). We always have a lot of mylar around, so we built a plane and went for a glide.

How do you make music these days -- lyrics then music, music then lyrics, on the sofa with an acoustic, in the practice room with ear plugs and an OE?
Usually on the sofa with the acoustic. When "I'm on", the melody and the lyrics come at the same time. Then I take it to the band, they add their parts, and we polish it up together (usually in really cute little light blue shorts). What's an OE?

Sorry, an OE is Olde English, a malt liquor. Very cheap and very bad... Um, moving on, how important are the lyrics to rock'n'roll?
In my book, the lyrics aren't as important as the overall hook. Sometimes the lyrics are the hook, but the hook is also commonly a riff or melody.

What's your favorite lyric on the album? What's it about?
My favorite lyric on this cd is probably "Aaaaaawwwwwwwwww!" (the scream from Phone World). I think it's meaning is fairly self-explanatory. Or maybe James [Lambeth]'s lines from British Teeth (the bonus track by Ottre Pop), "Drawn and quartered, we could see Elizabeth's face on fire. Harry's rolled another spliff again, now he's walking the nazi wire." That line refers to Queen Elizabeth and Prince Harry.

What's next for the Klips?
Next for the Klip is promoting the album through mild touring, online and snail mail harassment, and a lot of talking shit. We also plan to release at least an EP every 6 months. Which most likely means every year.

Has the Klips benefitted at all from Soul Shaker [a member of FBO] failure?
Oh yeah, we've benefited. Many lessons were learned. Mainly, what is too dorky and what is not. Actually, I think we're still working on that one.

Thanks Mr Ty. Look forward to hearing the new one.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Analyzes the Ploy'

Super Bowl XLI -- when are we going to get rid of roman numerals anyway? -- has come and passed and entertainment-seekers such as we once again have to field the TV industry's careful spin on advertising as one of the highlights of the country's biggest sporting event. Gone are the multi-ad stories of years past, with story lines that slowly develop ad-to-ad, meaning you had to suppress tinkles to see how they played out. But, considering the FBO's civic lookout and alternate entertainment planner for its fans and members, the FBO watched all ads of the Super Bowl 41 -- see, looks better with roman nixed -- and came up with the following trends you should be aware of.

First quarter ads: 15 (not including CBS' self-promotions)
Second quarter ads: 18
Halftime ads: 8
Third quarter ads: 17
Fourth quarter ads: 13
Total non-CBs ads: 61

FBO Admin kept a chart, in red ink, marking an ad's approach based on a few categories: a) presence of FAILURE (a protagonist trying to do something and not succeeding); b) humor; c) celebrity; d) violence or cruelty; or e) serious tone/message.

Analysis:

Of 61 ads, 40 employed some various form of 'humor,' 37 were serious (eg linked with African-American History month or macho car commercials), 10 had violence, and only 9 had celebrities of some sort.

Of violent ads, eight of the 10 occurred before halftime. Violent ads included death (meteors crashing into people, people falling off cliffs) and torture (workplace in the jungle, the heart-shaped guy being beaten mercilessly).

'Serious' ads seemed to come in streaks, sometimes with a final ad in a commercial break going joke-joke funny (like right before the third quarter).

The ratio of 'humorous' ads remained consistent between the first and second halves, but dropped off during half-time, when ads were almost completely CBS self-promotion.

'Failure' was harder to chart. The guy looking at the girl gets in a car wreck in the Doritos commerical. That's failure, right? What about the overacted karate student in the Sierra Mist ad, the talking animals pressing a real mouse in the Blockbuster ad, a power-plant machine that gets fired? We'll try to better define 'failure' before the next ad poll.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Celebrating Global Warming (and the Beatles), Part Two'

This is the second installment of a three- or four-part series of the FBO ‘celebrating global warming’ by listening to the Beatles and Wings...


THE MOST FLAWED POP SONG OF ALL TIME?

To casual listeners of the John Lennon song 'No Reply' from the 1964 album Beatles for Sale may tap their toe to a seemingly unoffensive melody that peppers the verses with suddenly fierce cries of rage in the choruses. That soft/tuff mix-match is a fine formula for pop music, something that's been turned to again and again successfully. The problem is solely with the lyrics.

To careless listeners the song is about a girl who won't answer the door or phone, and is dating another guy, and the protagonist gets mad about it. That's logical. But 'No Reply' isn't. Let's take a look at the lyrics, taking careful attention to exactly what the enraged protagonist is most upset over.

The first verse:

This happened once before, when I came to your door
No reply
They said it wasn't you, I saw you peep through
Your window
I SAW THE LIGHT! I SAW THE LIGHT!
I know you saw me, as I looked up to see
Your face

Analysis:
The protagonist is not mad that the girl is home when the mysterious 'they' said she wasn't. He's mad -- as deemed by the timing of his explosive revelation -- that the LIGHT IS ON. Yes 'seeing the light' has the double meaning of a realization, but in his case 'this happened once before' (a fascinating confession obliquely referred to at best), so he's not getting the truth.

And on to the next verse:


I tried to telephone, they said you were not home
That's a lie
Cause I know where you've been, and I saw you walk in
Your door
I NEARLY DIED! I NEARLY DIED!
Cause you walked hand in hand, with another man
In my place

Analysis:
It is unsure why the protagonist nearly lost his life. The timing of his outburst again is odd. At first listen it suggests it's because the girl walked into her home, or that the 'they' lied about her being home. It is unknown whether this verse is a prequel to the first verse or not. Or if this is the previous encounter mentioned before or an unmentioned third encounter. Something doesn't stack up here, and the protagonist is losing compassion from the careful listener.

And here's how the song ends:

If I were you I'd realize that I
Love you more than any other guy
And I forgive the lies that I
Heard before when you gave me no reply...
...Cause you walked hand in hand, with another man
In my place
NO REPLY! NO REPLY!


Analysis:
This is fascinating. He reflects on the situation and rails out at 'the lies' the girl has told. What lies? The 'they' purportedly covered for her when she wasn't home, but technically that's their lie. His yelling of 'if I were you' sounds like a threat, worrisome enough to get the bobbies involved. But what's more curious is how, as 137-second pop song wraps up, the protagonist lashes out -- in a stunning non-sequitur -- at the one thing that angers him the most: that she's seeing another guy? That 'they' lie? That she doesn't love him? That he nearly died because of a light bulb? No. That there was no reply.

One wonders if she'd just have a two-minute chat with the sap the whole thing would be over with.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Top Three Fan Turns 39'

Thirty-nine years ago today the North Vietnamese troops kicked off the Vietnamese New Year's with a surprise attack against US troops at various points in the slender country of Southeast Asia. A world away Mr Bronc, a top-three FBO fan, entered the world. Happy birthday to Mr Bronc.

We think it's no surprise that the week began with Miss Oklahoma winning the Miss America pageant. For the second year in a row. Good things are happening to Oklahoma since the FBO began representing the achievement and hopes of its failed bands. Two straight years Miss Oklahoma has taken the crown: the same years the FBO have been in operation.

Or maybe it's just for Mr Bronc.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Tourism Comes to Oklahoma'

ARE YOU READY?
It is not escaped the FBO's attention that 2007 is a special year for Oklahoma. On November 16, Oklahoma -- the best shaped state in these United States -- turns 100. It's expected the panhandle state, so nicknamed for the FBO-adopted panhandle, will see a 'bump up' in tourism. Something that all Oklahomans need to brace for.

Meanwhile, the Failed Bands of Oklahoma would like to welcome visitors from other states, provinces and countries -- and particularly hopes that participants and fans of failed bands will take the time to visit Oklahoma's attractions. Three of our favorite attractions/events for this year include: Boley Rodeo, an African-American rodeo southwest of Tulsa (May 26-27); the Oklahoma Centennial Gala/Spectacular (Nov 22, Oklahoma City), which we feel FBO should have an inclusion; and the Price Tower (www.pricetower.org), a Frank Lloyd Wright 'skyscraper' in Bartlesville that's now a hotel.

The FBO will be soon contacting The Oklahoma Centennial Gala/Spectacular to seek an invitation for FBO members at the statehood gala. More to come...

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY


PS -- Photos of tourism are from Tulum, Mexico; a Vladivostok, Russia, ferry dock; and Cu Chi Tunnels, Vietnam.