FBO: 'Favorite New Yakutsk Band: Infinity'

FBO ADOPTS TO-FAIL YAKUTSK METAL BAND
Whilst on a cultural symposiatic tour across Russia's least-developed and least-seen places in the Far East, FBO representative Robert Reid met with Yakutsk's most popular 16- and 17-year-old heavy metal band INFINITY.

All the buildings in Yakutsk, the world's coldest town over 200,000, stand on stilts due to the road-crunching, fence-crashing permafrost, but in June and July temperatures reach the 90s. What does a metal band sing about in such a place? 'This song is Chyorni Lubov,' the lead singer Shipik, said as his girlfriend hugged him. 'Black love -- it's about the pain of love, not having love, bad love.'

This July the Asia Children's Games - a mini Olympics of sorts - came to Yakutsk, and Infinity was invited to play a set near the statue of Vlad Lenin in Lenin Square. It will be their last. Just months old, the band is likely to break up soon, as its members are heading to different colleges and universities this fall.

Important things to take from INFINITY:

* the five-piece band plays all originals; they've made 10 so far, and three days before their likely last show they were working up a new one.
* the band practices in a second-floor room overlooking warehouses and a lake at Kosmos movie theater near the Yakutsk airport, a 20 to 30-minute ride from the center.
* the band wore Kiss-like face paint at a Halloween show. 'The first and last time ever,' said bass player Dima, the most vocal of the band during practice, and with a passing resemblance to Dylan if you look closely.
* Yes, in deepest Russia, when practice is 20 minutes from being done, and you don't know what to do, blues jams and (rather inventive) takes on 'Smoke on the Water' get rolled out.
* The band signed my notebook like a yearbook; singer Shipik signed a 10-ruble note as a souvenir.

The FBO will be compiling 'INFINITY IN YAKUTSK: A Documentary' in coming months.

Good luck to Infinity, even when it breaks apart.


FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Komsomolsk, Russia

FBO: 'The FBO Tour: In October'

CALLING ALL FAILED BANDS

Tall Tales has already firmed up plan to for a three-date tour of Oklahoma in support of the Failed Bands of Oklahoma this October. The FBO hopes that the other members -- The Cant/Cinder Biscuits, Soul Shaker and Asylum -- will agree to join soon. And other failed bands, including failed bands from outside Oklahoma, are now invited to apply to either support the tour (ie carry equipment, help with sound checks, film the FBO bands playing) or play in the tour.

A few notes:

1. Tall Tales has officially changed its name for the three-date tour to TALL TALES FEATURING MARK HARDIN. The non-FBO observer, who narrowly missed toppling FBO Top Fan Rich Trott, from his lofty role a couple months ago, will be the newly featured player in Tall Tales.

2. The FBO needs to secure at least one non-interstate date in Oklahoma to the tour. If you have suggestions of non-insterstate livehouses, such as in Pryor, please let us know.

3. We still hope to hear from For the Bands Who Tried to Rock, as we've invited them to coffee -- ie Vietnamese-style invite, WE pay -- and discuss potential collaborations.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Khabarovsk, Russia

FBO: 'FBO Induces New Failed Band Site!'

THE FBO WELCOME 'FOR THOSE WHO TRIED TO ROCK'!

FBO's successes over the past three years have been manifest:

* cultural symposia with Bulgaria, Romania, Russia, Myanmar, Vietnam and Chicago
* adopting places like the Oklahoma panhandle, East Delaware and Székelyudvarhely
* banning bio-pics, TV remakes and sequels in the quest for more original, less 'dumb-downed' past-time leisure activities
* creating FBO projects such as Member #001's EP 'A Place in Oklahoma (Live)' and the video premiere of 'The FBO Is Falling In Love'
* setting tentative plans for a failed bands show in Guymon, Oklahoma in October

Now the FBO have one-upped themselves, by inspiring and inducing a website collective of failed bands called For Those Who Tried to Rock.

Their mission reads:

"Our goal is to capture data about every band to have been formed by teens with that perfect mixture of big dreams and questionable talent in suburban garages, high school music rooms, and college dorms across America."

The FBO grants this a THREE-AND-A-HALF FBO PANHANDLE rating (out of five). While the documentative gesture towards the failures of the past warrants praise, we would have preferred to see some sort of 'forward direction' -- ie not solely for nostalgic purposes, or humor certainly -- and to draw the line with bands that played -- to quote the FBO mission statement -- a 51% ratio of original songs.


--> THE FBO WOULD LIKE TO INVITE 'FOR THOSE WHO TRIED TO ROCK' MEMBERS TO ATTEND THE FAILED BANDS OF OKLAHOMA PERFORMANCE IN GUYMON, OKLAHOMA, ON OCTOBER 20. Certain bands may be elgible TO PLAY. Please contact the FBO at oklahomazeppelin@yahoo.com if you have any questions.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Yuzhno-Sakhalinsk, Russia

** FTWTTR Finder's acknowledgment: Wendy Smith, of California**

FBO: 'Christian Rock Band, Invited to Attend (Not Perform)'

Vladivostok's main pedestrian crawl, named for an Admiral Fokina and usually just called the 'Arbat' here, is a grafitti-filled strip where cars parked on the ped-only road and the city chose gray for the color of brick. The other day I saw an old man, apparently quite drunk for the past 11 years, bleeding from his face, and some drugged-out people hang out on benches during the day. Perhaps one of them was featured in an album cover of a bloodied person shooting heroin I saw at a CD shop recently, a local band recommended by a tall clerk who hated me. It was called 'Masters of Defecation.'

It was in this relatively harmless place (actually), that a Christian Rock Band set up the other day. For a large crowd, they had mothers with children come and profess their faith before launching into a song 'God is Great' (I think). The bass player sang. A woman played a wooden flute that piped too loudly into a mic. A Korean guitar played sly guitar parts. The drummer gave those awkward laughs to the keyboard player bending over his instrument -- one of their first shows.

The FBO adopts KRISTYEN ROK GRUP: KHOROSHO ('good') to the FBO Guymon show on October 20. They cannot play.

In other news, Terry Waska may now attend FBO functions.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Vladivostok, Russia

FBO: 'Needing Guymon Performance Space'

 

CALLING GUYMON!
The Failed Bands of Oklahoma is now accepting applications for a venue site for the October 20 FBO show in Guymon. We're hoping for something with a raised stage, access to a PA, preferably quick-opening/closing curtains, and some sort of seating arrangement that allows for easy mixing.

Please note this sample shot, taken at the Nakhodka Museum, Russia, next to an exhibit that included a bullet-shot up Union Jack, a happy banner (untouched) from Oakland, and photos of a bearded local who biked across Siberia in winter.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Nakhodka, Russia

FBO: 'Tall Tales Offers Sample Setlist'

 

TALL TALES SUBMITS POSSIBLE SET LIST
The October show in the panhandle is starting to take shape now that Tall Tales has submitted a potential 10-song set list.

1. True
2. CEO
3. New Worry Day
4. Your Lake
5. Ed/This Song's Not About Love [medley]
6. Falkon Flies
7. Fiction
8. UFO
9. Hee Haw
10. Ways to Stay

Sample setlists may be changed, though two songs from the sample MUST be retained for the final setlist.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Vladivostok, Russia

FBO: 'There Will Be Russian Posts Here'

Over on this FBO-induced blog, there will be posts from FBO member Robert Reid during the FBO Symposium to Russia.

More things about Russian bands will appear here.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Vladivostok, Russia

FBO: 'Announcement! FBO Launches Biggest FBO Event of Its History'

FBO -- OPEN SYMPOSIUM TO RUSSIA

Good and less good news.

First of all the PANHANDLE SHOW -- presently scheduled for July 14 -- has to be delayed until October 20. Part of the reasons include some acts not having set lists submitted in time, and also a low showing at the FBO Event in Chicago last week. The FBO feels STRONGLY that the October 20 date WILL happen.

FBO members, please don't put off tabbing up your setlists till the last minute.

The better news is that all FBO OBSERVERS and FBO MEMBERS -- except Terry Waska, who cannot attend FBO Events for another week -- are invited to join the SEVEN-WEEK OPEN SYMPOSIUM to Russia's Far East. The trip, to spread awareness of failed bands and recruit failed bands for the show in October, will cover much of Russia's broad eastern areas -- from Petropavlovsk (near Alaska) and Vladivostok (near North Korea) to Yakutsk (toward the Arctic Circle) and Lake Baikal (not far from Mongolia).

You are welcome to come, all expenses paid.

Please show up at New York's JFK by 6.30pm tonight to go. Otherwise, read reports from the symposium here.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Evidence of Chicago FBO Event'

For those who require proof:

FBO: 'FBO Event Week, Suspended'

FBO: 'FBO Event Week, Throwing 'Throw Under the Bus' Saying Under the Bus'

LAZINESS IN METAPHORS YIELDS BAN, EVENT
When a former press secretary for a president writes a 'tell-all' book about the president,as Scott 'I'm a man, I'm 40' McClellan has done for W Bush's administration, it's not a betrayal. Or an expose. Or a 'tell-all.' Or a revelation. It's just 'throwing X under the bus.'

That saying is all over the place -- when Roger Clemens testitifies about his wife's steroid use, about Hope Solo calling out her coach (see yesterday's coach), when Obama notes how his grandmother has said racist comments -- it's automatically 'throwing them under the bus.'

--> Before 2004, utterances of the phrase were rare (about 40 per year anywhere in the country) and now top 46,000, according to some reports.

Cyndi Lauper fans may remember where the phrase came from, when, in 1984, she told the Washington Post 'In the rock ’n’ roll business, you are either on the bus or under it.' It's somehow struck a chord with this year's election -- being used left and right for political purposes of finding a scapegoat for errors or tongue-slips.

A few weeks ago Washington Post writer David Segal called it the 'cliche of the 2008 campaign.'

FBO Event #003: The FBO today will publicly ban this phrase from use for the next four months at 2pm in front of the Chicago 'corncob' buildings shown on the Wilco album cover for 'Yankee Hotel Foxtrot' album.

Note: Terry Waska may not attend.

FBO Admin
Mobile HQ -- Chicago, Illinois

FBO: 'FBO Event Week, Event #002'

OPEN-AIR SYMPOSIA: SAVING SOCCER?
Anyone catch the UEFA Champions League final in Moscow last week? Like the World Cup a couple years ago it came down to penalty kicks, and like the World Cup last year the team that played better (France/Chelsea) lost to an opportunistic team holding out in 120 minutes of 1-1 play for a chance with penalty kicks (Italy/Manchester United).

Soccer's had another big-game burp too. In last year's Women's World Cup, Hope Solo shut out the serious competition then was benched for the final in favor for an ageing goalie that blocked an overtime penalty kick for a World Cup win in 1999. But in 2007, she let four go by, and underdog Brazil romped past the USA. Hope Solo -- great name -- railed against the coach's decision after the game, and said she would have made the saves, and the team, suspended her from the third-place final, wouldn't eat with her and didn't allow her to fly back with the team! Because Solo hadn't acted out a bit against a teammate, they acted like she wasn't part of the team. 'Do not as we do, but as we say.'

Soccer's missing chances to make more of an impact on unimpressionable US sports minds -- when big games come, Americans see fouls, flopping and whining -- and few goals. Did anyone see that David Beckham kicked a 70-yard goal last week?, one wonders.

The FBO will hold a five-minute symposium to brainstorm potential improvements for soccer in two places at 2:15pm today: outside Toby Keith's I Love This Bar & Grill in Bricktown, OKC, and outside the arrivals halls of Chicago's Midway Airport.

Note: Terry Waska may not attend either event.

The 70-yard goal:


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Presenting FBO Event Week: Speaking Out Against Russian Communists & Indy Jones'

FBO EVENT BI-WEEK: Event #001

--> BY COINCIDENCE, the FBO announces a one-week plan of daily FBO Events that coincides with FBO member Terry Waska's two-week suspension from all FBO events...

This weekend marked the bad awakening of an old hero -- Indiana Jones -- in a somewhat exciting, yet flat makeover of an archeology professor victimized by the Red Scare in late '50s America and taking a tangent behind a kid that picks him out of train full of passengers to chase down El Dorado. It's making its millions despite a few key flaws -- and an ongoing FBO ban against remakes, sequels and bio-pics. And the film has infuriated the St Petersburg wing of the ongoing Russian Communist Party, who has decried stars Harrison Ford and Cate Blanchett, for mocking the US/Soviet relationship which defeated fascism in unity.



Certainly the movie is flawed and poor -- this factual information was gleaned from a two-hour, research-oriented suspension of the ongoing FBO ban of remakes/sequels/biopics -- and we appreciate that this Russian Communist Party branch has taken notice of the FBO ban such remakes, but in this case the energy taken against the film (as pictured above) misses the main point. Rather than take issue with a cartoon depiction of Soviets during the Cold War, the RCP would do more service to focus on the offenses:

* cynical remake to cash in on a career in crisis (H Ford)
* bizarre intro with car race in desert that has nothing to do with the film (easily worst Indy Jones opening)
* the gulag-trained Soviet soldiers allowing a feel-good reunion of Indiana and his old girlfriend in the Amazonian jungle (see Godfather III for why this doesn't work)
* on a couple occasions, Indy is enigmatically helpful with Soviets searching out 'the X' on the map
* Cate Blanchett portrays a Ukrainian psyche major with a sword with an Australian-German accent and a 1930s' Berlin haircut
* uneccessary triple-agent plot twists (just shoot the guy, like you did in Raiders)
* alien crystal skulls? really?

Thus, the FBO will hold a MOMENT OF CONFUSION by protesting the Russian Communist Party's, with banners, outside Toby Keith's I Love this Bar & Grill in Oklahoma City's Bricktown, and simultaneously encourage visitors to skip the Indiana Jones movie at the nearby Harkins Bricktown Cinemas 16 (150 East Reno).

It will occur from 2pm to 2:15pm Wednesday, May 28. Bring your own banners and handouts. Note: Terry Waska may not attend.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'FBO Suspends Terry Waska for Two Weeks'

The idea that Hear N Aid's jolting 'We're Stars' warrants a space in the FBO's ongoing 'best solo' list -- brought up publicly by FBO member Asylum's Terry Waska -- has prompted a shocking outcry from FBO observers, who demand by vote that Terry be 'suspended from the FBO' for two weeks.

--> This means Terry cannot attend FBO events until June 8.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Vote for Hear N Aid's 164-Second Solo'

WHO PRAYS FOR 164 SECONDS?
The FBO has been bombarded with requests that the taped-together solo-after-solo in Hear N Aid's 'We're Stars' (1985/6) be included in the FBO's Top Five Guitar Solos.

You may have missed this the first time around, but Heavy Metal Nation was justifiably furious by the lack of metal representation in Band Aid and We Are the World songs in early 1985, and Ronnie James Dio spearheaded a humorless effort to up the ante with frizzy hair, leather pants and the occasional moustache. It was recorded in May, but -- hilariously -- contractual problems kept the song from being released until WAY after Live Aid and the sing-for-peace fad had faded: January 1, 1986. One month to the day later the space shuttle exploded, and many (not realizing that Hear N Aid came out earlier) criticized the song theme -- 'we're stars' -- as a rub at NASA.

See this video:

Vote:
Using the tabs to the right, please vote on whether or not you think this solo deserves to be the FBO #3 Best Guitar Solo of all time. Symbolically the 2:44 solo vote ends on the 24th at 2:44pm.

Some FBO observers have suggested that the guitar solo, which begins at the 2:21 mark and runs 2:44 in length (an even 40% of the song), is merely one guitarist doing everything. Dio and company managed to get their hair right -- too bad no one was around to film the actual recordings of the solo. Here metal nuts like Neal Schon of Journey and Brad Gillis of Night Ranger play a little guitar to the camera, but many of the solos don't appear to be at all linked with the recording.

Also take special note of the pink outfit of Kevin DuBrow (Quiet Riot), that Dio doesn't let Ted Nugent or Vince Neil (Motley Crue) get any lead vocals, and the priceless still at the end of the 7:12 video (which includes heart-felt backups that these guys probably didn't record, yet cling one-ear to headphones as if this was The Take to change Africa).

It's also worth noting that FBO Contributor Robert Reid interviewed Ronnie James Dio from Russia's Far East in 2005. Dio was starting a Russian tour at the Theater of Musical Comedy in Khabarovsk (pictured, left). He is a humorless man. Read interview here.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Myanmar'

News of the aftermath of Cyclone Nargis' impact in Myanmar has faded from the news in recent days. FBO contributor Robert Reid, who visited the country a few months ago, has been in contact with local friends in Yangon, who are creating their own DIY relief groups, as many outside groups (including the UN) have been denied entry or visas by the ruling military.

Here's a small story on it by R Reid that appears on the Lonely Planet website.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Finds Tailor-Made Anthem, Makes Video Duet'

DEBUT: NEW FBO COLLABORATION WITH SILVER JEWS
The Silver Jews, led by David Berman, have released a new song -- 'Strange Victory, Strange Defeat' -- that seems tailor-made to be an FBO Anthem. And now it is.

In the FBO studios, we 'collaborated' with the SJs (by adding vocals, hand claps, fake saxophones, whipperwill effects and a piano solo) to their song and made a video.

Watch:



David Berman is about the best lyricist of anyone under 45. Little Americana songs with dry observations and (mostly) tangents you wish you thought of. This one follows a 'band of squirrels' that are 'imported from Connecticut' -- perhaps a comparison with all the 'handsome grandsons in the rock magazines' he later mentions. This is a slight reference, perhaps, to his friend Stephen Malkmus who made fun of the 'elegant bachelors' of the 'Stone Temple Pilots' in Pavement's 1994 song 'Range Life,' which picks along a similar path, soundwise.

--> Thanks to the Silver Jews for thinking of the FBO. You are welcome to attend the FBO Panhandle Show on July 14 in Guymon, OK.

(Note in the video that the orange heart is place on Guymon -- this is not an accident.)


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Evaluating the Best Guitar Solos of All Time (#4)'

ONCE AGAIN WITH CYNICISM...

Why do we have guitar solos in the first place? Some of it is to prove the bravado of the lead guitarist, who wants to put himself ahead of the lead singer in the limelight for a sec. Others like solos to give the listener a little break FROM the singer -- so you don't have to listen to Accept's groany screams nonstop. Others go for less ball-buster melodies, ones that actually play off the song melody, for a tuneful twist. Eddie Van Halen had a fourth option: hatred for his fans.

The first single from Van Halen's 1984, which came out in late 1983, was the synth-dominated 'Jump.' The band likely feared it would be controversial -- that Van Halen, the playful hard rockers of SoCal/Holland would switch from the guitars -- but it quickly became the band's biggest-selling single.

In the video, famously made for something like $400 (a nod to the Stones' 'Start Me Up' in a sense), guitarist Eddie Van Halen 'plays possum' on his guitar, strumming along as his guitar-less song surrounds him (a bit of guitar comes in during the pre-chorus). Mid-way through (see the 2:15 mark) he holds up a finger, as if to say, 'Hold on, I'll throw something your way, kids,' then tears out the most cynical guitar solo of all time.

The solo to follow -- accompanied with Eddie's cheetah jacket and goofy-as-if-stoned grins that run along the whole video -- tries to fit as much crunch and 'tapping' finger-pulls as is possible in a mere 15 seconds. It's way too busy and fast for the simple pop song, and he's doing it only to get people pre-emptively 'off his back.'

--> 'Here's some guitar, as loud and fast as ever, so deal with the keys.'

What's more, expecting negative fall-out for the synths, he follows it with an actual keyboard solo -- the first time you see him playing the keyboards in the video -- as if to prove a point: this is music too.



This is cynicism and hatred. Not something easily accomplished by a 15-second guitar solo in a three-minute-plus #1 hit song. For that Eddie deserves credit.

What's funniest is there turned out to be little, or no, backlash for the 'sell out' move. The album was clearly Van Halen's most inspired album since their first in 1978, and it sold to equally rapturous fan bases on both sides of the gender line.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Evaluates Five Best Guitar Solos of All Time (#5)'

VERY GOOD PLAY!
The FBO debuts a rolling feature, not slave to any clear-cut time table, that will highlight the five best guitar solos of all time. In doing so, a few things will be considered:

a) melodic achievement
b) physical delivery of solo
c) tenacity
d) unexpectedness

The number-five slot easily merits inclusion in any short list for all four of these attributes. Our video presentation gives background on the choice as well as shows a snippet of the 23-year-old classic.

Spoiler alert: the Elvis grin is hard to see. Look at the 2:08 mark closely.

Stay tuned for more 'great solos of all time' in the weeks and months to come.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Rich Trott Narrowly Escapes With FBO Top Fan Status'

TROTT KEEPS 'TOP FAN STATUS,' IN COSTLY VICTORY
Clearly the voice of disdain over Rich Trott's careless comments regarding a potential ban of Mark Knopfler struck a chord amongst many FBO fans and FBO observers, as Rich Trott narrowly won an open vote on who should be deemed the FBO's 'Top Fan.'

The poll closed today, with Rich Trott scoring 21 votes, just 61% of the total.

A few curious results to consider:

* Mark Hardin of Tulsa, who apparently has never seen or heard of the FBO, in a late surge nearly overtook Trott's tally.
* Mr Ano Nymous, who called for Rich Trott to be banned from the site and was the recipient of a stern FBO reaction two months ago, garnered two votes.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Needed: Rules about Naming Pets & Humans'

PET ADVOCATE BANNED FOR SIX YEARS

According to a San Francisco Chronicle story today, a San Francisco pet advocate doesn't 'get it.' She prefers continuing the cutification of pet names, despite the fact that that humans are getting cuter names -- and many pet names are getting the 'normal' ones like Steve. The FBO supports normal names -- Jeff, Scott, Pete -- for both humans and pets.

-> Real-time video response to this serious situation:



How can a dog named John be referential to human names, when humans no longer name their kids John?



FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY (a city not a name)

FBO: 'REM Album is Appropriate Apology -- But No Ticket for Panhandle Show'

REM, YOU'RE FORGIVEN FOR A NARROW LACK OF VISION
REM's new album Accelerate is a reasonable effort. The songs are short. Michael Stipe seems inspired and angry. And there's a 'togetherness' to the sound, as if it were recorded in someone's living room with an analog eight-track recorder. In Athens, Georgia.

But is it good?

The FBO can't decide. The Rolling Stones tried with the last studio album A Bigger Bang a couple years ago -- tried as hard as they could -- but it wasn't really enough to be good. REM's album is better. They might have done better without 40-something Pete Buck compressing so much 20-something distortion. The songs could have sped along their REM-y path as effecitvely, if not more, with a more Reckoning style sound. But they're the professionals.

After actually listening to the full songs, we'd like to change our FBO rankings on each:



What to make of it then?

--> The FBO sees REM's Accelerate as an appropriate apology for a decade-plus of poor work. (See our call for an apology here.) But it doesn't necessarily reinstate REM to 'friend' status. In the meantime, REM is welcome to observe FBO goings-on online, but we'd prefer if REM did not attend the panhandle show in Guymon, OK on July 14.

Meanwhile, we're looking forward to a little less REM in coming weeks.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Who is FBO's Top Fan?'

Suddenly, a long-held truth, is being questioned. Should Rich Trott, whose carelessness in trying to ban Mark Knopfler of Les Dire Straits, nearly got the Failed Bands of Oklahoma banned from the Internet Waves, really be deemed as the 'FBO top fan'?

There is room for debate. Clearly. Please vote in the link to the right to determine who will hold the FBO 'top fan' honors for the spring and summer season.

Voting will continue for one week.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Trying to Like REM Again: A Music Video Presentation'

HEAR & SEE THIS!
When the Failed Bands of Oklahoma launched 'Trying to Like REM Again: A Tri-Week Journey,' there was never any doubt that one of the best way to present the case was through music video. But the question was whether the music should be original or borrowed -- and if so from what period? After two weeks of consideration, the FBO believes the best way to consider REM is through a two-part time warp: using images taken from the era that REM made its mark (= sentimentality for us) PLUS a borrowed song/melody that would have been sentimental for THOSE performers of that era.

The video:



FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Tom Petty Apologizes to FBO, Revives Failed Band'

FREE FAILING
Super Bowl halftime entertainment is normally reserved for a few songs and some flash -- enough to keep non-football fans and football fans tuned into the event. This year it turned to something bordering on outright contempt, as Tom Petty asked his band, the Heartbreakers, to play a set of 75% Tom Petty solo songs, and only 25% Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers songs. With each guitar strum and stoned glance, he seemed to say: 'I got this on my own, I just got you free tickets, bandmates. I don't need you.'

The FBO promptly put Tom Petty on three-week probation, which ended on February 25.

In the past, we've asked for apologies from the Rolling Stones and the state of Connecticut, and received none. But we're impressed with Mr Petty. He's not only shown remorse for his Super Bowl mistake, but followed the lead of the Failed Bands of Oklahoma by reforming his own failed band from the pre-Heartbreaker days Mudcrutch, as featured in Sunday's New York Times.

The band, which played Gainseville (Florida) bars and fraternity parties in the early '70s, did mostly covers early on (thus disqualifying them from FBO membership). They started a two-week tour of the West Coast, snubbing Gainesville entirely for some reason, last week. One person quoted in the article says, 'Really it makes no sense.'

One member of the band thought it was a prank when Mr Petty called about reforming the band.

--> The FBO invites Mudcrutch to attend (not perform at) the Failed Bands of Oklahoma Panhandle show on July 14.

In other news, the NY Times writer of the piece, Alan Light, is banned for two weeks for mistakenly saying Mr Petty hasn't played bass since Mudcrutch. Mr Light forgets Tom Petty was the bass player for the Traveling Wilburys. See the video:



FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'A Response to Lonely Planet Controversy'

Many have heard news of a Lonely Planet author who traded drugs for dirt bikes and roomed with prostitutes and used his business cards for free booze and rooms in Brazil. FBO member Robert Reid reads the book and responds on WorldHum.com today.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'FBO Induces Member #004 To Record Songs; That's Right: ASYLUM Is Back!'

AND THEY SAID IT WAS FUTILE

Hear that creaking noise? It's the FBO critics, shuffling in their wood armchairs, one-upped once again by the FBO's ongoing successes.

FBO Member #004 Asylum is reuniting, per bassist Terry Waska. He tells us:

We (FBO #004, Asylum) are going to get together and work up a few unrecorded songs from the end of our non-illustrious career. Looks like it will be me, Stacy Dave and original drummer Derek. Not sure when the recording will take place, but Dave already has $500 saved up to pay the bill, so it’s a semi-sure thing... I’m not sure when we’re going to record. We’re going to do it at Armstrong Studio, which is run by Stephen Egerton (guitartist for Descendent and All).

He adds:

I went to visit Dave on his birthday and we drove thru Guymon again. No arrests this time. And I littered.

The FBO applauds Asylum's succumbtion to the cause, and welcomes this space for any videos, in-studio documentary footage or mp3s from the recordings.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Critic Swift-Boats T-Shirt, FBO Responds By Video'

ONE QUESTION CRITICS: WHY SO THREATENED?

Asylum's revival and testimony towards REM's merits are causing continual unease for some FBO observers. When 'comments' were made regarding an FBO-endorsed t-shirt, it was time for a response.




FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'It's Shwebo!'

VIDEO FROM THE BURMESE HEARTLAND




FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Launches the Battle FOR New Orleans'

The FBO has a hard time understanding why it's taken two years and counting to get Katrina victims new homes. It would cost -- per FBO analysis -- less than three days' budget of the Iraq conflict to at least get victims into better housing from the FEMA trailers they now live in.

Some stats to consider:

* 275,000 homes demolished during Katrina
* 30,000 families still living in temporary housing (ie trailers), not including families who left Louisiana and Mississippi for good
* $32,000 cost of far-better, furnished 'Mississippi cottage' housing
* $1 billion cost to get each person in those families a Mississippi cottage -- if two people live in one, the cost would be $500 million
* $341 million spent in Iraq every day

--> To get families living in trailers from Katrina would take, using NY Times statistics, about three days of the Iraq war expenses.

If ALL 275,000 homes were replaced with $100,000 homes, that would cost $275 billion, about half the cost of the Iraq war so far.

See this article for some figures used.

Maybe we need Andy Jackson to save New Orleans?


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

REM: 'Trying to Like REM Again: A Tri-Week Journey (Part 3)'

VIDEO UPDATE: REM PRICES & BAN ON BONUS TRACKS

Video Commentary & Other Points:

* Download pricing schemes change daily. The FBO asks for more transparency in pricing. (Disclaimer: in posting the differences between prices at iTunes and Amazon.com, the FBO is not 'pushing Amazon sales' as a certain Mr Nymous has suggested -- but merely pointing out where FBO observers can save costs. However, it should be noted that a crashed 18-month-old iMac led to the loss of many old FBO scans and documents recently.)

* Also in an effort for expanded transparency, the FBO bans all 'hidden tracks' and 'bonus tracks' in the CD format. If you feel something's worthy, put it on. We are uncomfortable with nonfailed bands dishing out their failed music at a CD's end. It is one thing, speaking as a representative and press-garnerer of failed bands, to witness nonfailed bands' public attention, it is quite another for them to subject us, the failed, to routinely their failed music. Please stop it.

* In Guymon news, Asylum is 'in' for the July 14 Panhandle show, and Soul Shaker plans a 'new song.'

* The FBO is pondering listening to the full REM album for comment, but will next look at REM's past to understand why they ever were once worth something.

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Trying to Like REM Again: A Tri-Week Journey (Part 2)'

Examples of Pete Buck's guitar styles:
* (J) "Sitting Still," "Driver 8," "Fall on Me," "Shiny Happy People"
* (OSL) "These Days," "Pretty Persuasion" (plus a bit of J)
* (FSN) all those dissonant outros live, debatably stuff like "Feeling Gravity's Pull" or "Finest Worksong"
* (FAERO) the terrible "Monster album"

Examples of Michael Stipe's lyric themes:
* (C&K) Pretty much everything that's hard to understand
* (G&K) The wink-wink lyrics that you're not supposed to say if you're artful, but are artful because Stipe sings them: "Stand," "Shiny Happy People," "Man on the Moon" ("goofing on Elvis"), "Pop Song 89" (hi, hi, hi), debatably the pre-Joel "It's the End of the World"
* (L&NK) You know, when he seems to mean it too much or the soarers, eg the most-mocked song of all time "Everybody Hurts," "The One I Love"

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Trying to Like REM Again: A Tri-Week Journey (Part 1)'

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Notes iTunes Mark-Up'

For those who aren't aware, Amazon.com now allows mp3 downloads of many albums, and unlike iTunes, even has a 'preview all' album for a one-touch preview of every song. Older albums, such as Rush's Grace Under Pressure ($7.92), go for the same price as iTunes, but many many new ones are considerably cheaper on Amazon.com.

In its efforts to look out for failed bands, and consumer underdogs, the FBO has long cast a suspicious gaze over a music industry that asks us every eight to ten years to re-purchase our full catalog. As technology becomes less expensive to produce -- from cassettes and vinyl to cheaper CDs, from cheap CDs to 'air files' of MP3 downloads without even printed-out covers -- and the price has not fallen. CDs were twice the cost of records, and many invisible mp3 files go for the same price as CDs.

The FBO asks, 'Is there any possible excuse?'


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'FBO Reviews Rolling Stones Review'

The following is an interpretation of the New York Times review of the Rolling Stones film Shine a Light: see original story here.





**VIDEO: FBO COMMENTS ON BROOKLYN SCREENING**





FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Gives Stern Warning to Historical Biographies & Historical Biographers'

EVEN CREATIVITY NEEDS LIMITS, GUYS!

The single worst thing to happen to the rock music world was the advent of the CD. The 'advance' in technology meant albums moved to 60 minutes in length from a perfect 43 minutes (which nicely filled half a 90-minute cassette for easy stereo-to-car transfers, and matched the average attention span of most rock listeners). The music industry was able to cut production costs by several times, yet charge the consumers more. What's worse is the albums, or CDs, bands put out got worse. The bonus 17 minutes is routinely just filler content, and CDs increasingly came out every two or three years, rather than annually, as had occurred from Elvis till Yes' 90125 in 1983.

The FBO has issued the rule that any song over 2:15 in length must JUSTIFY each second, otherwise it's an affront to the listener. We, as listeners, cannot complain about a 2:05 song -- such as 'The FBO Is Falling In Love' -- no matter what we think of it.

A similar rule clearly needs to be extended to HISTORICAL BIOGRAPHIES.

Yes, it's been occasionally enjoyable watching the HBO series John Adams, that shows vice president #1 as a pudgy, grumpy chump, and Jefferson as a brooding, silent guy with a dead wife and dead daughter in the background. And that George Washington looks like Nicole Kidman in The Others.

It comes from David McCullough's 768-page book John Adams. And, as interesting as that may be, who has time to read a 768-page book about John Adams? Go to a bookstore and look up biographies, and you'll find some of the chunkiest books available. Random picking: reading about Alexander Hamilton takes 832 pages, FDR 880, Mao 864 and Ho Chi Minh (an apparently impossible in book format) 695. C'mon!

The FBO asks HISTORICAL BIOGRAPHERS to 'cut back' the scope. If you can't tell us all we need about James Madison in 340 (or 420 at the most!), don't count on us for readership.

--> If a shift downward hasn't occurred by April 2, 2009, the FBO will ban historical biographies for 15 years.*

FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

* Some exceptions will be made. Just as we agree that Spandau Ballet's 'True' earns every sax-filled second of its 5:40 span, some biographies about huge characters (eg Napoleon, Stalin, Genghis Khan) perhaps warrant upwards of 600 pages. BUT! If we deem a figure as being over-indulged in biography (eg Lincoln Lincoln Lincoln!), no new take over 340 words will be tolerated. Authors, if in doubt, contact us before you write.

FBO: 'Clears Mark Knopfler'

NO BAN

A few weeks ago Mark Freuder Knopfler, who studied journalism and has a dinosaur named after him, was under consideration for a ban for spelling and pronunciation errors, and questionable use of headbands and shameless video tactics. The one-week investigation, part of the FBO's first and last Mark Knopfler Week, was prompted by FBO's Top Fan, and received much backlash from FBO observers.

The FBO has decided not to ban Mark because of the distance he keeps between himself and his works. In 2000, Mark told the New York Post his secrets for songwriting:

"I let the song be the boss. That's it. You treat a song like a person and do the right thing by it. Say, if a song didn't want any guitars on it, there wouldn't be any guitars, but if the song wants a concrete mixer, I'll give it that."

Perhaps, then, the blame regarding his errors is out of his hands? It is the songs -- 'Expresso Love,' the regrettable 'Walk of Life' -- that are to be blamed.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Releases Top 5 Pre-emptive Alternate Names for OKC NBA Team'

SOME THINGS ARE JUST MORE IMPORTANT THAN OTHER THINGS

The NBA Seattle Supersonics are, in the words of ESPN, a 'step closer' to moving to Oklahoma City, following a successful visit to OKC by three owners and NBA commissioner David JJ Stern. If this should happen -- and the first major pro sports team finds its home in Oklahoma permanently -- the FBO is very worried about mistakes the organization may make regarding team name and team colors.

Clearly the name 'Sonics' can't survive the move. Oklahoma City is the HQ for the drive-in chain Sonic, and seeing their glub endorsements would make it feel like rooting for the OKC Target, the OKC Wal Ms or the OKC Braum's Machine. No.

While we've seen world-record stupidity in recent name swaps -- Washington Bullets (coolest NBA name and uniform, but violent) going to the Wizards (?), while the Washington Redskins (sounds good and historic, but is shockingly offensive) goes unchanged -- the FBO is making the pre-emptive move of making TEAM NAME SUGGESTIONS so as not to find our way with something dumb like the Oklahoma City Renegade.

Our top five.

5. OKLAHOMA CITY BASKETBALL CLUB
Soccer leagues in Europe use the understated chic of 'FC' (football club) for a name, and no one in these United States has figured out that it's the new era of naming. Start it in the 405. It could be called Oklahoma City BC. Perhaps even have a silhouette of a diplodocus (plant-eating dinosaur) to tie in with BC.

4. OKLAHOMA CITY BULLDOGS
Sounds tired? Not sure why. No professional team in these United States has gone for the most-fashionable pet of late. They have teeth, they look mean, and they're monsters of concessions. The jersey could look a bit like the Warriors' wonderful 'The City' jerseys but say 'B-Dog' (singular).

3. OKLAHOMA CITY PEACE
'We declare peace on you -- then we'll break you into pieces.' Could play 'Flight of Icarus' by Iron Maiden as they storm the court. The jersey would be sky blue and feature the Oklahoma state seal -- the peace shield shown on the flag (and SHOULD HAVE BEEN on the Oklahoma quarter). It is the best emblem in the world, why not use it?

2. OKLAHOMA CITY MIDDLE FINGER
You can SAY 'middle finger' in public, you just can't show it. Why not have a convention center full of fans yelling 'Meh-Dull Fin-Grrr, Meh-Dull Fin-Grrr'. The logo would be blurred out on uniforms and souvenir t-shirts.

1. OKLAHOMA CITY PRESIDENTS
Washington state -- where Seattle resides -- is named for George Washington, a president. The Wizards should clearly have used this name. Colors would stay green (cut the yellow) and have a silhouette of Geo Washington on the front. The slang nickname would be the 'greenbacks' and there would be the wink-wink suggestions that the team is named for 'dead presidents,' you know, money (other than the $100 bill and $10 bill).

Narrowly missing the top five: The Oklahoma City We Will Rock You.

Note: the FBO suspends its boycott of the NBA, put in place after the horrible suspension that knocked the Phoenix Suns out of the playoffs last year. The FBO by the way adopted the ABA before Will Ferrell did.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Maybe an Apology?'

Last month the new Australian president -- no, we don't know his name either -- did something admirable. After being signed in to duty, he did something no Australianleader, or American leader, had thought to do before. He apologized for the country's treatment of its aboriginal people, which included the forced removal of many children from their families and moved into missions or put up for adoption. One observer said of the president's address regarding this 'stolen generation':

"Part of recovery is having some validation and some acknowledgement that it was bad and that it shouldn't have happened."

Good idea. The FBO believes the US should follow this example. Apologize, acknowledge. It's a small gesture, some might say meaningless, but notable in that no one has done it before.

What happens after that? The FBO has an idea: an 'African American museum' in our nation's capital. Often Americans criticize how the Russians are reticent to acknowledge the crimes from Stalin's gulags, in which untold millions perished. The same for Mao's legacy in China. But along DC's mall, you'll find no museum that tributes the vital and tricky history of black America. The country is 242 years old this July, slavery is older. Only a few years ago did the capital finally acknowledge -- through the diplomatic gesture of a museum -- the Native American history of the country. We have museums for far more recent histories, from space exploration to the Holocaust. One for black history is over due.

The FBO would like to lead the movement for a new museum in Washington, DC, for that. And architects should consider using black granite. We've lost count of how many buildings are made of white granite or marble or limestone in DC already.

And we want a free t-shirt when it opens.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'ACAL

LFORT

RANSP

ARE

NCY!!!'

The Failed Bands of Oklahoma invites all bands, poets, artists, movie-makers and TV execs to join the FBO crusade: 'A CALL FOR TRANSPARENCY.' The FBO, and in particular its member Terry Waska, believes that no creation should hide its intention or desired effect.

We'll be watching the creative world -- the one outside the literal world, more specifically -- for a change in tone in the weeks to come.

By the way, the FBO have gotten some feedback on the 'fallen in love' blog template. The FBO has been planning to use the new template, but return to the gray-on-gray color scheme after last week's frenzied 'love fall' has faded a bit. We welcome your thoughts on colors.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'The FBO Is Falling In Love'

THE VIDEO PREMIERE!
The Failed Bands of Oklahoma proudly presents the lead-off video/single 'The FBO Is Falling In Love' from its upcoming EP The Failed Bands of Oklahoma Will Play the Oklahoma Panhandle. The video was shot on location in the USSR, Russia and New York State.

It is the first wholly original FBO composition made by the FBO alone. Previously FBO Member #001 Tall Tales recorded a live EP as an 'FBO-induced project.'

--> Enjoy the video:



The FBO is also happy to debut a new 'fallen in love' look to the site as part of the video debut.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'The FBO Will Fall In Love in Two Days'

VIDEO EXPLANATION: LYRICS
This 104-second video message, provided by the FBO, explains the reasoning behind its lyrical images, as well as the conceptual theme, in its forthcoming composition 'The FBO Is Falling In Love.' The video, including never-before-seen FBO footage, debuts on Friday.




FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'The FBO Will Fall In Love in Three Days'

Work is underway for the first-ever FBO merchandise. A tentative t-shirt design follows:




--> In other news, FBO member Robert Reid was interviewed by World Hum, an online travel magazine. The Creedence Clearwater Revival beard is long shaved.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'The FBO Will Fall In Love in Four Days'

The FBO continues our call for transparency in the realm of artful creations, including music and films and art, with this 75-second video explaining the images chosen -- purposefully -- by the FBO production team. The video of 'The FBO Is Falling In Love' will debut this Friday.

VIDEO TALK WITH THE FBO: WHY THE VIDEO WILL FEATURE SAMPLED IMAGES




FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Launching FBO Is Falling In Love Week, Next Week'

IN SEVEN DAYS THE FBO WILL FALL IN LOVE...
The FBO will debut an original composition theme for the Failed Bands of Oklahoma next Friday, March 21.

To kick-off the anticipation is the first of a three- or four-part series talking about the making of 'The FBO Is Falling In Love' with an explanation behind the chord progression chosen in the song.

THE VIDEO:



--> A NEW CALL FOR TRANSPARENCY

Ever not gotten what you were supposed to get? Seen a movie than heard after ward that the apple in the frig, or the defecating eagles, were supposed to represent x, y or z? The FBO maintains its anxiety over the growing exclusivity many bands and artists and movie-makers employ, by keeping the creative process, marketing schemes, or The Point out of public eye. We, as observers, must decipher the clues to get a message -- eg, people with lots of money are prone to corruption. Why? Beginning with 'The FBO is Falling in Love', we make a call for increased transparency, and -- by example -- hope to lead pre-failed and successful bands and artists into a new realm, where the fans and observers are granted a more engaged, open and respectful relationship.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Updated Map of Adopted Zones'

OH GOLLY!
The FBO HQ is so busy with activity that we've forgotten to post an updated FBO Adopted Zones map for the past six or seven months, to show the newest addition: East Delaware!





FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY

FBO: 'Foreshadowing & FBO'S First Triptych'

THE FUTURE: TOLD PICTORIALLY BY DOUBLED TRIPTYCH



The doubled vertically arranged triptych, above, outlines the Failed Bands of Oklahoma's tentative plans to 'reach the panhandle' on July 14 and go to a to-be-adopted venue in Guymon, OK, and play a show. The show will tribute failed bands, and aim to entertain while garnering press coverage for failed bands.

The triptych is not an accidental gesture. The eighth annual TRIPTYCH FESTIVAL is scheduled this April in Glasgow.

In the festivals own words:
Triptych continues to highlight Tennent's Lager's allegiance to exceptional music, from grassroots agitation to international ardour, ­with an annual and unparalleled bill

Yes! Well said! While the FBO will be unable to attend this year's event in Glasgow, the FBO is happy to invite the Scotland-based festival to attend the FBO's panhandle show on July 14. A formal invitation will be sent.

Meanwhile, fans and observers, please let us know if you know the contact details for any of the following:

* failed magician
* failed comic
* failed watercolor artist
* failed circus performer (including clown)
* failed clarinetist
* failed MC

We need at least one of each of these groups to join us in Guymon.


FBO Admin
Mobile/Semi-Permanent HQ -- Brooklyn, NY